Today decided to be the day that both my kids get sick. I don't think they have ever been sick together, normally a few days apart, so a new experience for me. Guess there is a first time for everything, especially as a parent.
When I went to get Darien from school, they were both fine. Came home, started a movie, had a snack and I checked my email. We were home for about 15 minutes and all of a sudden, Adrien was extremely hot and just starring at the tv. He was responsive, but mainly just by looking at you and saying "NO". The heat radiating off him was enough to make me sweat when I held him for just a couple of moments. I quickly got him some tylenol, and with a forehead thermometer, got a 102 temp. reading. I decided to go buy a thermometer I could use for a rectal temp, since they are more accurate.
When I got back from the store and took his rectal temp, it was 102.8. I gave him some motrin and gave it some time. About 40 minutes after giving him motrin, his temp had gone up to 103.2. So, I said 20 more minutes and I'd check again. Checked again and it was back to 102.8. This is scary for me because this is the highest temp I have dealt with as a mom. That, and with him being perfectly content in the same spot on the couch for hours when he is normally my "can't sit still" child, I really worried.
So, instead of putting them in their rooms, I decided to pull out the couch bed and let them sleep there. Then Darien started complaining of not feeling well. Of course, I thought it was because Adrien was getting all the attention and he wanted some back, so I kinda ignored it. Though, I did touch him and he didn't seem warm to me, so I figured he was for sure just wanting the attention. Nope, not long after he said he didn't feel good, he was running a fever. His isn't as high as Adriens, but it was 101.8 rectal, so enough to warrant some motrin. About 35 minutes later he was 100.9. So, still a slight temp, but down quite a bit from what it was.
Now, its just after 11pm and my kids JUST fell asleep. I sure hope they sleep in a little bit, otherwise tomorrow is going to be a VERY long day. They should sleep in at least a little bit, as I have all the windows and rolladens closed so the sun won't wake them up! More than I could say if they were in their rooms.
It's not time for me to hit the hay so that if they happen to not sleep in, at least I got some sleep. Night!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Laura
We met sometime in middle school. You moved into the neighborhood and we immediately became friends. I remember that over the summers, generally if you found one of us, you found the other because we were ALWAYS together. We had a good time together and rarely let other people get between us.
We have been there for each through some of the best and worst of life, and you were always the person I counted on when I needed a friend. I know we weren’t always there, and sometimes irritated with each other, but I always knew you were one of the true friends.
We’ve been in a couple disagreements that had us not talk for periods of time, and I kick myself now because that was time wasted. You always defended me when other people had something to say. You never let my lack of popularity end our friendship.
You were popular, and me not so much. Most of your other friends couldn’t stand me, with or without good reason. Though, I don’t remember us not hanging out less than often. You even let me live with you when things at home got difficult. We even worked together, which normally complicates any relationship. So, working together while living together and hanging out, I am surprised we never had a physical fight, though happy about it.
We have made it through a lot of stuff together, and you are one of few people that I can honestly say is one of my best friends. We don’t get to talk too often, but when we do it’s like no time has really passed. We update each other and pick up where we left off. Every time I am home to visit, you are one of the first people I see and one of the only people I want to see.
I know that being far apart will always put some stress on a friendship, but know that I am always here for you and I can’t wait to see you again!
We have been there for each through some of the best and worst of life, and you were always the person I counted on when I needed a friend. I know we weren’t always there, and sometimes irritated with each other, but I always knew you were one of the true friends.
We’ve been in a couple disagreements that had us not talk for periods of time, and I kick myself now because that was time wasted. You always defended me when other people had something to say. You never let my lack of popularity end our friendship.
You were popular, and me not so much. Most of your other friends couldn’t stand me, with or without good reason. Though, I don’t remember us not hanging out less than often. You even let me live with you when things at home got difficult. We even worked together, which normally complicates any relationship. So, working together while living together and hanging out, I am surprised we never had a physical fight, though happy about it.
We have made it through a lot of stuff together, and you are one of few people that I can honestly say is one of my best friends. We don’t get to talk too often, but when we do it’s like no time has really passed. We update each other and pick up where we left off. Every time I am home to visit, you are one of the first people I see and one of the only people I want to see.
I know that being far apart will always put some stress on a friendship, but know that I am always here for you and I can’t wait to see you again!
Grandparents Day!
In honor of Grandparents Day, I am writing this to my grandmother, Barbara A. Aubin.
Grandma,
Even though you are no longer with me, you are still a very large driving force in my life. You were one of the people who always believed in me no matter what I was doing wrong. You gave me more chances that a lot of people would, and continued to encourage me to do better. Unconditional love was always flowing from you. To this day, I still try to answer the question, “what would grandma say?” when making life decisions.
You lived long enough to see me get married, and even though that marriage ended, it’s something I am glad you were here for. After you left us, I had a hard time dealing with the everyday life, to include my, then, marriage. I divorced him, but quickly found my soul mate. I wish you would have lived to meet him, because you would have understood just why I am so in love with him.
You haven’t met my children, and I wish you could. They are amazing and you’d probably laugh because they are so much like me. They drive me crazy but make my life so much more beautiful. I know that they’d love you just as much as I did because you are just that amazing.
I miss our Sunday talks, and still sometimes have to remind myself that I can’t call you. We used to talk about anything and everything. You’d share your wisdom and give me advice. You’d tell me when I was messing up and when I was doing a great job. Sometimes I wish I could just hear you tell me one more time that you love me, and you hear me say it too.
When you started taking a turn for the worst, I had planned on getting home to see you. Unfortunately, I didn’t get there in time. I remember mom calling me to let me know you had gone to take a nap and was not waking back up. I felt like piece of my heart broke off and was lost forever. I did everything I could to be strong and hope for the best, but you never did wake up. A couple days later, I was back home, a week too late.
The day of your service, it took 4 tries and a little force from Larry to even get myself into the room. I remember mom telling me that you looked beautiful and I disagreed and said you’d look better alive. It was a selfish comment, but how I felt at the time. I know it wasn’t true, but all I wanted was for you to sit up and talk to me. You did look very beautiful and very peaceful, no matter how much I wished it wasn’t so. The service itself was beautiful, and you obviously had lots of people who loved you.
I know we all took it pretty hard, mom and I especially. I still have very difficult days, though I don’t often share that with anyone. You will always be a driving force in my life, and I hope I can make you proud. I can’t wait until my kids are old enough to understand so that I can tell them about you. Though, they will know a lot since they do have mom as a grandma.
I love and miss you more than anyone will ever understand. I will see you again someday.
Grandma,
Even though you are no longer with me, you are still a very large driving force in my life. You were one of the people who always believed in me no matter what I was doing wrong. You gave me more chances that a lot of people would, and continued to encourage me to do better. Unconditional love was always flowing from you. To this day, I still try to answer the question, “what would grandma say?” when making life decisions.
You lived long enough to see me get married, and even though that marriage ended, it’s something I am glad you were here for. After you left us, I had a hard time dealing with the everyday life, to include my, then, marriage. I divorced him, but quickly found my soul mate. I wish you would have lived to meet him, because you would have understood just why I am so in love with him.
You haven’t met my children, and I wish you could. They are amazing and you’d probably laugh because they are so much like me. They drive me crazy but make my life so much more beautiful. I know that they’d love you just as much as I did because you are just that amazing.
I miss our Sunday talks, and still sometimes have to remind myself that I can’t call you. We used to talk about anything and everything. You’d share your wisdom and give me advice. You’d tell me when I was messing up and when I was doing a great job. Sometimes I wish I could just hear you tell me one more time that you love me, and you hear me say it too.
When you started taking a turn for the worst, I had planned on getting home to see you. Unfortunately, I didn’t get there in time. I remember mom calling me to let me know you had gone to take a nap and was not waking back up. I felt like piece of my heart broke off and was lost forever. I did everything I could to be strong and hope for the best, but you never did wake up. A couple days later, I was back home, a week too late.
The day of your service, it took 4 tries and a little force from Larry to even get myself into the room. I remember mom telling me that you looked beautiful and I disagreed and said you’d look better alive. It was a selfish comment, but how I felt at the time. I know it wasn’t true, but all I wanted was for you to sit up and talk to me. You did look very beautiful and very peaceful, no matter how much I wished it wasn’t so. The service itself was beautiful, and you obviously had lots of people who loved you.
I know we all took it pretty hard, mom and I especially. I still have very difficult days, though I don’t often share that with anyone. You will always be a driving force in my life, and I hope I can make you proud. I can’t wait until my kids are old enough to understand so that I can tell them about you. Though, they will know a lot since they do have mom as a grandma.
I love and miss you more than anyone will ever understand. I will see you again someday.
What and why I am writing
You can probably see that I have had a large increase in blogging. Well, I have been reminded to let those I care about know it. So, I am going to try to do one post per day with a new person that I feel has touched my life, whether I still talk to them or not. It's nice to try to remember all those special people and let everyone know how they changed my life.
I don't know that I will get to every single person, because I could be here for years if I do that, but I want to at least touch on the people with the biggest affects in my life.
The other night, I talked about 5 of the most important people in my life. Leslie, my sister, my mom, Penny and my husband. There are a few more that I didn't get to, but I will very soon! Just got to get my thoughts together about them and write it out.
Some of the things I write will be emotional, and probably make some teary. This is the warning. You may cry, you may not. I know some I will probably cry just writing, but I feel this important to do.
I will be updating on school and other things in between, but I want this to be my main focus of writing. By the way, school is going GREAT! Will be posting again soon!
I don't know that I will get to every single person, because I could be here for years if I do that, but I want to at least touch on the people with the biggest affects in my life.
The other night, I talked about 5 of the most important people in my life. Leslie, my sister, my mom, Penny and my husband. There are a few more that I didn't get to, but I will very soon! Just got to get my thoughts together about them and write it out.
Some of the things I write will be emotional, and probably make some teary. This is the warning. You may cry, you may not. I know some I will probably cry just writing, but I feel this important to do.
I will be updating on school and other things in between, but I want this to be my main focus of writing. By the way, school is going GREAT! Will be posting again soon!
Friday, September 10, 2010
My Favorite Penny
Pennies shine in the sun
they shine really bright
you should let it tarnish
always treat them right
AAAHHH... Penny. The person who still surprises me, by being my friend. She really is the exact opposite of me, or at least she was when we first met. She was the quiet, friendly, dependable person that everyone liked. I was the self centered, stuck up, crazy person that everyone didn't like. Though, somehow we became best friends.
We didn't like each other, it went both ways on that. I didn't like her, she didn't like me, so where, when and how we became best friends is still even a mystery to us. We hung out with the same group, lived in the dorms and worked together. So, we did spend a lot of time together whether we wanted to or not.
I remember us avoiding each other and staying on opposite ends of the room for a while. Then, one day we woke up and realized that we happened to be best friends. Neither of us can say when or how it happened, just that it did. The how and when doesn't matter, all that matters is that I am glad to call her my friend, and that I realize how lucky I am to be able to.
She was with me the day my 1st child was born, patting my forehead with a wet towel and cheering me on when I was pushing him out. She was there through my first marriage and the divorce. She was there through my troubles, and there through my separation from the military. She was a person I could lean on when times got difficult.
I know she didn't agree with my choices, and I know she had her opinions about them. Though, she rarely spoke of them, rather gave me a shoulder and advice when I needed it. She did tell me briefly when she disagreed, but also reassured me that she was there for me no matter what, and always was.
Though we have oceans, 8 hours and lives that make it hard to talk as often as we'd like, I know she is always there when I really need her. I hope that our paths cross again someday, though I am sure they will!
I love you girl!
they shine really bright
you should let it tarnish
always treat them right
AAAHHH... Penny. The person who still surprises me, by being my friend. She really is the exact opposite of me, or at least she was when we first met. She was the quiet, friendly, dependable person that everyone liked. I was the self centered, stuck up, crazy person that everyone didn't like. Though, somehow we became best friends.
We didn't like each other, it went both ways on that. I didn't like her, she didn't like me, so where, when and how we became best friends is still even a mystery to us. We hung out with the same group, lived in the dorms and worked together. So, we did spend a lot of time together whether we wanted to or not.
I remember us avoiding each other and staying on opposite ends of the room for a while. Then, one day we woke up and realized that we happened to be best friends. Neither of us can say when or how it happened, just that it did. The how and when doesn't matter, all that matters is that I am glad to call her my friend, and that I realize how lucky I am to be able to.
She was with me the day my 1st child was born, patting my forehead with a wet towel and cheering me on when I was pushing him out. She was there through my first marriage and the divorce. She was there through my troubles, and there through my separation from the military. She was a person I could lean on when times got difficult.
I know she didn't agree with my choices, and I know she had her opinions about them. Though, she rarely spoke of them, rather gave me a shoulder and advice when I needed it. She did tell me briefly when she disagreed, but also reassured me that she was there for me no matter what, and always was.
Though we have oceans, 8 hours and lives that make it hard to talk as often as we'd like, I know she is always there when I really need her. I hope that our paths cross again someday, though I am sure they will!
I love you girl!
My Mommy :)
You stood by me through thick and thin
You didn't give up on me when I didn't win
You had patience when I kept pushing you away
You cared when I said I didn't need you anyway
Still corny, can't help it :P
You are my mom, my friend, my teacher, my everything. It's crazy because I can see that I am so much more like you than I ever imagined I'd be. You've been so much more than a mother, and I can't believe I was so lucky to have you.
I know the past years were rough, and you did everything you could to give us a decent childhood. I know the effort you made to show your love and guide me through. I wasn't always grateful and sometimes even a jerk, but I look back now and know. I am grateful, and ecstatic that you cared about me so much.
You have been there for me through most of my life's toughest times. You've helped me through and kept me going. Without judgement, you made sure that even my bad choices were done with someone to talk to. I always knew when you disagreed, but I also always knew that no matter what, you'd love me anyway. Not everyone is as lucky.
Now, you are the person I call first for just about everything. The person I talk to about just about everything, and one of the people I know I can depend on without a doubt no matter the issue. I can't wait to see you, in just a couple weeks, and be able to have some mommy/daughter time with you. I love you, mom.
You didn't give up on me when I didn't win
You had patience when I kept pushing you away
You cared when I said I didn't need you anyway
Still corny, can't help it :P
You are my mom, my friend, my teacher, my everything. It's crazy because I can see that I am so much more like you than I ever imagined I'd be. You've been so much more than a mother, and I can't believe I was so lucky to have you.
I know the past years were rough, and you did everything you could to give us a decent childhood. I know the effort you made to show your love and guide me through. I wasn't always grateful and sometimes even a jerk, but I look back now and know. I am grateful, and ecstatic that you cared about me so much.
You have been there for me through most of my life's toughest times. You've helped me through and kept me going. Without judgement, you made sure that even my bad choices were done with someone to talk to. I always knew when you disagreed, but I also always knew that no matter what, you'd love me anyway. Not everyone is as lucky.
Now, you are the person I call first for just about everything. The person I talk to about just about everything, and one of the people I know I can depend on without a doubt no matter the issue. I can't wait to see you, in just a couple weeks, and be able to have some mommy/daughter time with you. I love you, mom.
Sweet Sister Shannon
You were given to me by God
He gave me such a precious gift
You are my sister and my friend
Always to give my spirit a life :)
Corny, I know. I said poetry isn't my thing...
You are my sister by birth, friend by choice! We have been through our entire lives together, yet we don't see each other imperfections. We have been through quite a bit together and I can't imagine going through those things with anyone else.
We survived divorced parents and a less than perfect childhood. We made it through our own fights and battles with each other. We just made it through, and as much together as we could.
You have been an amazing little sister. Yes, we fight and get on each others nerves, but at the end of the day, we still love each other. There is no question in my mind that we were meant to be sisters, and that God has a purpose for putting us together. You are one of my biggest motivators in life, trying to set an example that I'd be proud for you to follow.
There have been times I wanted to smack you stupid, and times I just wanted to hug you tight, but the constant factor is love. You are one of the most important people in my life, and you should know that I love you more than anyone will ever understand. I am glad you are my sister, and even more happy that we are friends.
He gave me such a precious gift
You are my sister and my friend
Always to give my spirit a life :)
Corny, I know. I said poetry isn't my thing...
You are my sister by birth, friend by choice! We have been through our entire lives together, yet we don't see each other imperfections. We have been through quite a bit together and I can't imagine going through those things with anyone else.
We survived divorced parents and a less than perfect childhood. We made it through our own fights and battles with each other. We just made it through, and as much together as we could.
You have been an amazing little sister. Yes, we fight and get on each others nerves, but at the end of the day, we still love each other. There is no question in my mind that we were meant to be sisters, and that God has a purpose for putting us together. You are one of my biggest motivators in life, trying to set an example that I'd be proud for you to follow.
There have been times I wanted to smack you stupid, and times I just wanted to hug you tight, but the constant factor is love. You are one of the most important people in my life, and you should know that I love you more than anyone will ever understand. I am glad you are my sister, and even more happy that we are friends.
My Friend Leslie :)
Leslie,
I met you, but didn't like you.
I hung out with you, but stayed weary.
I started to care for you, and the wall broke down.
Now your my best friend, and that makes me teary :)
It's kinda fruity and lame, but I am not good at poetry... Either way, it shows the steps we went through in our friendship at a glance. Because Leslie is such a huge part of my life, even with an ocean between us, I am writing about her tonight!
Before we even met, I had heard rumors about her. Though I am not one to really judge anyone, I found myself not liking her just based on what I was hearing. So, when we met, I automatically had a wall up. The more we talked and hung out, the more I realized how idiotic those people were for saying the things they said, she was NOTHING like what I'd heard.
I'm not exactly sure when or how, but she has become one of my best friends in the world! We were pregnant together, and 4 weeks apart our children were born. She was a HUGE resource for me since she'd had her 2nd child and I only had my 1st. She was the person I called for advice and helped me through all the crazy times I had being a new mom.
Then, we had a fight. Yes, a BIG fight. We are both extremely head strong, defensive people and unfortunately that got the best of us both. I don't even know how long we went without talking, but I do know that we both found ourselves back together, and stronger than before.
She was the person who, when I was in labor and swore I wasn't, made me go to the hospital. Had she not made me go, I probably would have had my son on her living room floor. She stayed with me and was there when I had my 2nd baby, and still she was the person who got me through all the crazy stuff.
We've had our ups and downs, but I think its because we are more like sisters than friends. Sisters fight, but they still love each other no matter what, and thats how we are. We will tell anyone, our friendship has issues, but we take comfort in knowing that even with the issues, we have each others backs and will always be there for one another.
I can't wait until the day we see each other again, though a massive amount of tissues and eye drops may be required :) She is my best friend, and the person who, even with the ocean separating us, keeps me sane when things are crazy!
I LOVE YA GIRL!!!
I met you, but didn't like you.
I hung out with you, but stayed weary.
I started to care for you, and the wall broke down.
Now your my best friend, and that makes me teary :)
It's kinda fruity and lame, but I am not good at poetry... Either way, it shows the steps we went through in our friendship at a glance. Because Leslie is such a huge part of my life, even with an ocean between us, I am writing about her tonight!
Before we even met, I had heard rumors about her. Though I am not one to really judge anyone, I found myself not liking her just based on what I was hearing. So, when we met, I automatically had a wall up. The more we talked and hung out, the more I realized how idiotic those people were for saying the things they said, she was NOTHING like what I'd heard.
I'm not exactly sure when or how, but she has become one of my best friends in the world! We were pregnant together, and 4 weeks apart our children were born. She was a HUGE resource for me since she'd had her 2nd child and I only had my 1st. She was the person I called for advice and helped me through all the crazy times I had being a new mom.
Then, we had a fight. Yes, a BIG fight. We are both extremely head strong, defensive people and unfortunately that got the best of us both. I don't even know how long we went without talking, but I do know that we both found ourselves back together, and stronger than before.
She was the person who, when I was in labor and swore I wasn't, made me go to the hospital. Had she not made me go, I probably would have had my son on her living room floor. She stayed with me and was there when I had my 2nd baby, and still she was the person who got me through all the crazy stuff.
We've had our ups and downs, but I think its because we are more like sisters than friends. Sisters fight, but they still love each other no matter what, and thats how we are. We will tell anyone, our friendship has issues, but we take comfort in knowing that even with the issues, we have each others backs and will always be there for one another.
I can't wait until the day we see each other again, though a massive amount of tissues and eye drops may be required :) She is my best friend, and the person who, even with the ocean separating us, keeps me sane when things are crazy!
I LOVE YA GIRL!!!
Loss and grief
Everyone knows that with life, there is death. The moment of conception, life begins, and at any time can be met with death. It's sad to think about, and can cause a lot of grief.
Why do people think that when a life is lost that people can just cry and be over it? Some people can do that, but for some of us, its not as easy. I've lost a few people that I was very close to, and a baby. It's not something I can just cry over it for a day and bounce back and never have emotion for it again. Do I cry everyday about it, no, but I have my days when it effects me more than others.
There are many days I think of my friend Amanda, and cry. She died 8 years ago, but I still think about her and shed tears for her. I still think of my grandmother. She died 5 years ago, but I still think about and shed tears for her. I lost my baby less than a year ago, so I definitely still think about and cry for my child.
This doesn't mean I am weak, it means that I had very strong feelings for them and still feel sadness that they are not here with me. The day that I think of them without sadness is the day I have forgotten who they were to me and what they meant in my life. This isn't saying that all people feel this way, or because they feel differently means they have forgotten, thats just how it is for me.
I hope that people understand that crying and feeling pain isn't something some us choose to feel, it just is. People really should try harder to understand that and be more sympathetic to people who have a harder time with their losses. Telling someone to get over it isn't being either, and actually is a bit harsh. Something as simple as saying "I am sorry, hope you feel better soon" can be enough, or just say nothing at all. Sometimes nothing at all is better.
Why do people think that when a life is lost that people can just cry and be over it? Some people can do that, but for some of us, its not as easy. I've lost a few people that I was very close to, and a baby. It's not something I can just cry over it for a day and bounce back and never have emotion for it again. Do I cry everyday about it, no, but I have my days when it effects me more than others.
There are many days I think of my friend Amanda, and cry. She died 8 years ago, but I still think about her and shed tears for her. I still think of my grandmother. She died 5 years ago, but I still think about and shed tears for her. I lost my baby less than a year ago, so I definitely still think about and cry for my child.
This doesn't mean I am weak, it means that I had very strong feelings for them and still feel sadness that they are not here with me. The day that I think of them without sadness is the day I have forgotten who they were to me and what they meant in my life. This isn't saying that all people feel this way, or because they feel differently means they have forgotten, thats just how it is for me.
I hope that people understand that crying and feeling pain isn't something some us choose to feel, it just is. People really should try harder to understand that and be more sympathetic to people who have a harder time with their losses. Telling someone to get over it isn't being either, and actually is a bit harsh. Something as simple as saying "I am sorry, hope you feel better soon" can be enough, or just say nothing at all. Sometimes nothing at all is better.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
School so far!
It's technically only day 2 of college classes, but I feel pretty good about this first class. We are learning about how different learning techniques are used, and figuring out our own learning styles.
A lot of what we are writing about is based on experiences, so there isn't any research or anything involved. I know once I start getting into the core classes, it will become more involved with research and a lot more writing. Though, for a start, I feel I am off to a pretty good one!
It seems like most of the people in my class have been out of school for years, so I am having a hard time understanding their work. I know that my writing skills aren't perfect, but it can be difficult when you are trying to read stuff that isn't written in the same format or style I would write.
I guess this is all a learning experience and I should take full advantage of it by putting in my full effort. I was told that doing too much could cause my instructors to expect more of me, and I feel they should. I haven't been out of school that long, so I remember the basics and feel that I should put what I know to use. Why should I slack on my work when I know I am better than that?
There are going to be times I don't do great, and times I will excel. I just want to be confident that even the times I don't well that I gave it my best and learn from whatever mistakes I made. It's better to fail doing your best than to fail for lack of effort.
It's now time to start working on my next writing assignment, then some reading about Celebrate Recovery, a religious based recovery program that I have decided to become part of. Be sure to check for more updates!
A lot of what we are writing about is based on experiences, so there isn't any research or anything involved. I know once I start getting into the core classes, it will become more involved with research and a lot more writing. Though, for a start, I feel I am off to a pretty good one!
It seems like most of the people in my class have been out of school for years, so I am having a hard time understanding their work. I know that my writing skills aren't perfect, but it can be difficult when you are trying to read stuff that isn't written in the same format or style I would write.
I guess this is all a learning experience and I should take full advantage of it by putting in my full effort. I was told that doing too much could cause my instructors to expect more of me, and I feel they should. I haven't been out of school that long, so I remember the basics and feel that I should put what I know to use. Why should I slack on my work when I know I am better than that?
There are going to be times I don't do great, and times I will excel. I just want to be confident that even the times I don't well that I gave it my best and learn from whatever mistakes I made. It's better to fail doing your best than to fail for lack of effort.
It's now time to start working on my next writing assignment, then some reading about Celebrate Recovery, a religious based recovery program that I have decided to become part of. Be sure to check for more updates!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
First day of class!
Today is the first official day of me being a college student!!! I am excited, nervous, and ready all at the same time! I've wasted too much time on people and other things that don't really matter, and now I will put that energy into my classes!
Turning in the first assignment was such a great moment for me! It was just an introduction of myself, but I felt great getting it done and getting it turned in on time! I have already completed the other assignments for this week, and will be turning them in soon! It just feels great getting started!
My husband also starts his first class today, as a way of support and to further his own education. It's wonderful that we are taking this step together! I feel grateful because he has been such a huge supporter of this decision and stands behind me!
I am also grateful to the other family and friends I have standing behind me and supporting my decision to go back to school. With them supporting me, my desire to do it and my new decrease in distractions, this is going to be a wonderful journey! I can't wait until my kids are old enough to understand it and see me doing this! I think it will be great motivation to them!
Guess I should probably get these other assignments turned in and ready for the rest of my day! I will be sure to write again soon!
Turning in the first assignment was such a great moment for me! It was just an introduction of myself, but I felt great getting it done and getting it turned in on time! I have already completed the other assignments for this week, and will be turning them in soon! It just feels great getting started!
My husband also starts his first class today, as a way of support and to further his own education. It's wonderful that we are taking this step together! I feel grateful because he has been such a huge supporter of this decision and stands behind me!
I am also grateful to the other family and friends I have standing behind me and supporting my decision to go back to school. With them supporting me, my desire to do it and my new decrease in distractions, this is going to be a wonderful journey! I can't wait until my kids are old enough to understand it and see me doing this! I think it will be great motivation to them!
Guess I should probably get these other assignments turned in and ready for the rest of my day! I will be sure to write again soon!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Friends come and go
Friends come and go, though recently I have had more go than come. Maybe its me, maybe its them, who really knows. I know that not everyone is going to like me, my choices or my habits, so I am okay knowing that these people are no longer going to be part of my life. It kinda sucks, but my life goes on and it just makes room for new friends.
Though, one thing I have come to realize is that I need to be more careful of who I try to befriend. I have gotten hurt a lot recently by people I thought were friends, and I think its because I haven't really paid a lot of attention. I've been so lonely and just wanting people around to talk to, and I haven't really paid much attention to if we have things in common or not. If there is no common ground, there isn't much to talk about. If there isn't much to talk about, chances are things will get very old very quickly.
I can't blame anyone for walking away and choosing to end a friendship with me, especially if there just wasn't any common ground. You gotta have something there to make any relationship work. And from this point on, I plan to be a little more choosy and try to make sure that I am befriending people with similar interests who can also handle me.
First and foremost, though, I want to really set my relationship right with God. I have worried too much about other people and what they think of me when I should be focused on God and what he thinks of how I have been acting. I am not perfect, and yes, even lately I haven't been acting right, so I need to really put forth more effort to quit the same old habits and patterns. Once I can get myself into a better place, I am sure to start making better friends.
I set out a couple weeks ago to build this relationship with God, and got preoccupied with other things. I am done with that. Today I realized that maybe some of these people leaving my life was another way of telling me to focus. Focus on more important things, like my husband, my children, and most importantly, God. Quit focusing on the friends, or lack of, here in Germany, and focus on building stronger and more loving relationships with the few people that truly matter. Maybe then, I won't feel so lonely and can find people on common ground and build strong relationships with them.
This is going to be a tough road because I can already see how easy it is to be distracted. I just hope that sometime in the future I can find those people who will be great friends to me, and me to them. Until that happens, its all about God and really trying to make myself a better person.
Though, one thing I have come to realize is that I need to be more careful of who I try to befriend. I have gotten hurt a lot recently by people I thought were friends, and I think its because I haven't really paid a lot of attention. I've been so lonely and just wanting people around to talk to, and I haven't really paid much attention to if we have things in common or not. If there is no common ground, there isn't much to talk about. If there isn't much to talk about, chances are things will get very old very quickly.
I can't blame anyone for walking away and choosing to end a friendship with me, especially if there just wasn't any common ground. You gotta have something there to make any relationship work. And from this point on, I plan to be a little more choosy and try to make sure that I am befriending people with similar interests who can also handle me.
First and foremost, though, I want to really set my relationship right with God. I have worried too much about other people and what they think of me when I should be focused on God and what he thinks of how I have been acting. I am not perfect, and yes, even lately I haven't been acting right, so I need to really put forth more effort to quit the same old habits and patterns. Once I can get myself into a better place, I am sure to start making better friends.
I set out a couple weeks ago to build this relationship with God, and got preoccupied with other things. I am done with that. Today I realized that maybe some of these people leaving my life was another way of telling me to focus. Focus on more important things, like my husband, my children, and most importantly, God. Quit focusing on the friends, or lack of, here in Germany, and focus on building stronger and more loving relationships with the few people that truly matter. Maybe then, I won't feel so lonely and can find people on common ground and build strong relationships with them.
This is going to be a tough road because I can already see how easy it is to be distracted. I just hope that sometime in the future I can find those people who will be great friends to me, and me to them. Until that happens, its all about God and really trying to make myself a better person.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Positive Power
How many times have you heard that misery loves company? I know I have heard it, and said it, more times that I'd care to count. It's such a true statement, and I see it everyday.
I've rarely ever heard statements about positivity and what that does. Though, I am starting to see it in my life. Positivity has a way of rubbing off on people and you start seeing more smiles.
Because I had such a negativity towards, well, just about everything, my days seemed to consist of lots of crying, whining and fighting. Not just from me, but my husband and my children. The house just seemed to scream all the time. Not anymore!!!
I haven't ever seen my kids as happy as they have been the last few days! They play more, laugh more, smile more and even hug and kiss me more!!! Just me feeling better has caused a chain reaction into them and they are feeling more positive too!
Its been a great feeling seeing my kids in such a different light. Knowing that they are happy and have fun is even more reason for me to be that much happier! I see how far Adrien has come with his talking, and how smart Darien is. It's just amazing the things you notice, and the thing that happen, when you feel good!
The one I have to thank the most for all of this is God. He has given me life again! I believe that he gave me my boys to help guide me back to him, and gave me all my troubles to use them for something important! He will now be the guide to my new adventures, and I expect they will be tough, but worth every single moment! All I can do is smile because I know with God, I have the positive power!
I've rarely ever heard statements about positivity and what that does. Though, I am starting to see it in my life. Positivity has a way of rubbing off on people and you start seeing more smiles.
Because I had such a negativity towards, well, just about everything, my days seemed to consist of lots of crying, whining and fighting. Not just from me, but my husband and my children. The house just seemed to scream all the time. Not anymore!!!
I haven't ever seen my kids as happy as they have been the last few days! They play more, laugh more, smile more and even hug and kiss me more!!! Just me feeling better has caused a chain reaction into them and they are feeling more positive too!
Its been a great feeling seeing my kids in such a different light. Knowing that they are happy and have fun is even more reason for me to be that much happier! I see how far Adrien has come with his talking, and how smart Darien is. It's just amazing the things you notice, and the thing that happen, when you feel good!
The one I have to thank the most for all of this is God. He has given me life again! I believe that he gave me my boys to help guide me back to him, and gave me all my troubles to use them for something important! He will now be the guide to my new adventures, and I expect they will be tough, but worth every single moment! All I can do is smile because I know with God, I have the positive power!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Moving fast, but it feels right!!!
Well, I decided to go ahead a request information for schools with the psychology degree plan just to get a feel for what the process was. I requested information from somewhere around 10 schools, maybe more. Within 24 hours I heard back from 3 of them.
Now, I understand that things get busy and sometimes it takes some time getting back to people, but I especially take in to consideration the amount of time its takes for me to hear back from someone when I request information. Its been roughly 48 hours, and I have still only heard from 3 schools. Now we are into the weekend, so chances are, I won't hear anything from anyone else until Monday at the very earliest. Guess that helps me with the Top 3 list.
Another thing I am taking into consideration is the work load. How many classes would I be taking at one time? How long are those classes? What is the average required time to complete class work? Stuff like that. I want to make sure, especially since I haven't even seen school work since 2003, that I don't get into a program and become overwhelmed and end up quitting. If I look at work load, and really weigh out the options, I have no room to complain if things don't get done.
I am also looking at tuition and how they work with me using the G.I. Bill. Since I was active duty and got out on a medical discharge, I still get full benefits! I want to make sure that it will cover costs, but also be the only form of assistance I am going to need. Sometimes, because the G.I. Bill only pays out once you verify class attendance, that I won't be required to take out a loan. They should rather do a deferment plan to give those payments time to come through.
The other thing I am looking for is the required number of days per week I am required to log in. I am going to really try to make a good schedule to where I do at least 1 hour a day, but for just in case life happens, I don't want to be required to log in every day. I have 2 kids, a husband, a house and other things to do too. School is definitely going to be a top priority, but I need to make sure that what they are asking is what I can give.
So, with these requirements, my Top 3 schools is now down to 1. I believe I have chosen the school I want to attend, they have the exact course I want to take, and it seems the work load, required time, and their ability to flex through the G.I. Bill fits my needs. I will take 1 class every 5 weeks. They will work with me and using my G.I. Bill, and they only require you to log in 2 days of the week. I feel that is a pretty reasonable load for me. The enrollment counselor even spent about 3 hours on the phone with me answering questions and walking me through the process step by step. Just the friendly staff won me over.
One school was out because you do 2 classes at one and are required to log in 4 days of the week. I am sure I "could" do that, but if something happens and I can't log in 1 of those 4 days, I fail. Not something I want to risk. The other school still hasn't gotten back after the initial contact, so, they made it easy too.
I definitely wasn't expecting things to move this fast, but it feels right. I have made enough excuses to not get back in school, and my time is running out to use the G.I. Bill, so I really need to get the ball rolling. As of right now, it looks like I may be starting my first class on Sept 7th!!! YAY! It's exciting and scary all at the same time! Though, I know it will all be worth it in the end!
I have to give praise to God in giving me the strength and motivation to take these steps! I feel that bringing him back to my life has lead me to take these very large leaps and be confident doing it!!!
Now, I understand that things get busy and sometimes it takes some time getting back to people, but I especially take in to consideration the amount of time its takes for me to hear back from someone when I request information. Its been roughly 48 hours, and I have still only heard from 3 schools. Now we are into the weekend, so chances are, I won't hear anything from anyone else until Monday at the very earliest. Guess that helps me with the Top 3 list.
Another thing I am taking into consideration is the work load. How many classes would I be taking at one time? How long are those classes? What is the average required time to complete class work? Stuff like that. I want to make sure, especially since I haven't even seen school work since 2003, that I don't get into a program and become overwhelmed and end up quitting. If I look at work load, and really weigh out the options, I have no room to complain if things don't get done.
I am also looking at tuition and how they work with me using the G.I. Bill. Since I was active duty and got out on a medical discharge, I still get full benefits! I want to make sure that it will cover costs, but also be the only form of assistance I am going to need. Sometimes, because the G.I. Bill only pays out once you verify class attendance, that I won't be required to take out a loan. They should rather do a deferment plan to give those payments time to come through.
The other thing I am looking for is the required number of days per week I am required to log in. I am going to really try to make a good schedule to where I do at least 1 hour a day, but for just in case life happens, I don't want to be required to log in every day. I have 2 kids, a husband, a house and other things to do too. School is definitely going to be a top priority, but I need to make sure that what they are asking is what I can give.
So, with these requirements, my Top 3 schools is now down to 1. I believe I have chosen the school I want to attend, they have the exact course I want to take, and it seems the work load, required time, and their ability to flex through the G.I. Bill fits my needs. I will take 1 class every 5 weeks. They will work with me and using my G.I. Bill, and they only require you to log in 2 days of the week. I feel that is a pretty reasonable load for me. The enrollment counselor even spent about 3 hours on the phone with me answering questions and walking me through the process step by step. Just the friendly staff won me over.
One school was out because you do 2 classes at one and are required to log in 4 days of the week. I am sure I "could" do that, but if something happens and I can't log in 1 of those 4 days, I fail. Not something I want to risk. The other school still hasn't gotten back after the initial contact, so, they made it easy too.
I definitely wasn't expecting things to move this fast, but it feels right. I have made enough excuses to not get back in school, and my time is running out to use the G.I. Bill, so I really need to get the ball rolling. As of right now, it looks like I may be starting my first class on Sept 7th!!! YAY! It's exciting and scary all at the same time! Though, I know it will all be worth it in the end!
I have to give praise to God in giving me the strength and motivation to take these steps! I feel that bringing him back to my life has lead me to take these very large leaps and be confident doing it!!!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Family
Who do you think about when you think of family? I am sure most people would say spouse, children, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, etc. Not me. When I think of family, I think of people that I have chosen to be a huge part of my life, that know the same or more about me than most relatives, and people that I love dearly.
I know many people, but I trust very few. I have been burned enough in my life that I really try to avoid it happening. It does still happen, but its just a natural part of life. Heck, even some relatives aren't past hurting their own blood, when I have people in my life that aren't blood and wouldn't do those same things.
Of course, the first people I think of when thinking of family are my husband and children. They are the closest people to me, and the ones I hold dearest. They really are the center of my universe. Without them, I would be lost. In all reality, they are the 3 people that know me the best, love me the best and that I love the absolute most!
Then, you have my mom, dad, sisters and other relatives. I am closest to my mom and younger sister, but I still love everyone of them. I may not be close to them, physically or emotionally, but they are family. Though my family hasn't always been perfect, we do have that 1 huge factor that ties us all together, blood.
My mom, along with my grandmother, have always been some of the greater female influences in my life. My grandmother passed away 5 years ago, and I still try to remember what she would say about certain things and try to listen to the advice I think she would give to me. My mom, though sometimes I don't agree, definitely doesn't hold back with her advice. Though, the one thing I will always know is that even when there is a time we don't agree, she will ALWAYS be there for me, just like she always has been!
Of course, then there is my little sister. We have an older brother and sister, but we weren't close. Our older sister was raised by her mom's mom, and our brother was raised with us, until my parents divorced. Plus, he was quite a bit older, so for the most part, it was just me and Shannon. Like many sisters, we didn't get along to well, but we always took up for each other and were always there when it really counted. There were times that she was the only person there for me, and times when there were other people there, but she was the only one that mattered. Even she may not realize those times herself, but I sure do, and I am truly grateful to have such a wonderful little sister!
After them, there are the people I CHOOSE to call family. They may not be related to me by blood, but we are as close, if not closer, than most sisters/brothers. This kind of relationship isn't just being friends, its being family. I have at least 3 women in my life that are just the most amazing women, and the lack of blood connection is the only difference I see from sisters.
Laura has been the longest friend I've had. Friends since middle school. There were of course bumps and curves in our relationship, though for any relationship, that is normal. Heck, my sister and I have had more bumps and sharper curves than Laura and I have ever had. There were times we didn't speak to each other, but we always went back to each other. She has been there through many rough times, and I have tried to be there for her rough times. To this day, no matter how little we get to talk, I still consider her my best friend/sister.
Penny came into my life in 2003, when we were both new to the Air Force. When we met, we didn't care much for each other, but that changed over time. Don't ask me when, because I can't tell you. All I know, is one day we didn't care for each other and the next day we were best friends. At least, that's sure how it seemed to happen. We spent so much time together, wanted or not, that we just grew on each other. Before we knew it, we were taking care of each other (more her taking care of me) and just being awesome together! She is also someone I consider my best friend/sister.
Then there is Leslie!!! We met in 2006, while we were both pregnant. I was pregnant with my 1st, and she with her 2nd. I had heard she was a bitch, so I was careful and weary around her at first, but the more and more I got to know her, she was pretty awesome! We have a lot in common about the way we think, and we understand each other quite well. I actually think she understands me better than my husband sometimes. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we haven't let that get in the way of our friendship. We are able to give/receive each others opinion without thinking the other is being judgmental or an ass. Sometimes we misunderstand each other, or take something the wrong way, but the one thing I can count on is that we are able to approach each other and talk it out rather than getting upset and arguing. Another best friend/sister.
These women have each touched my life in a different way, but have all earned the same place in my heart! I can't be sure that they weren't just put in my life for a reason or season, but I sure know that I will remember them for LIFE! They are the 3 women I care the most about, aside from relatives of course. They are the friends that truly make me a better person and make me strive to be the greatest friend I can be. I miss them all immensely, and can't wait until I can see them all again! It sucks that one is in FL, one in TX about to move to AZ, and one in Japan. I only wish I had the money to visit all those places and see all 3 of them. Though, I am pretty certain that, one way or another, I will see all 3 of them again!
To the sisters that God forgot to give me, I love you all!!! I miss you, and I am always thinking of each of you!
There are other people in my life that I do consider to be family, and for many different reasons. And, there are a few people that I am really hoping to add to my list of family. Though, it is difficult trying to make that kind of connection to people. I don't trust easily, and when I do, if its broken, its extremely hard to get back. I have met a lot of wonderful people, and I only hope that my family will continue to grow throughout the years. And those people that I am still trying to build relationships with, I truly hope that someday, we can call each other family!
I know many people, but I trust very few. I have been burned enough in my life that I really try to avoid it happening. It does still happen, but its just a natural part of life. Heck, even some relatives aren't past hurting their own blood, when I have people in my life that aren't blood and wouldn't do those same things.
Of course, the first people I think of when thinking of family are my husband and children. They are the closest people to me, and the ones I hold dearest. They really are the center of my universe. Without them, I would be lost. In all reality, they are the 3 people that know me the best, love me the best and that I love the absolute most!
Then, you have my mom, dad, sisters and other relatives. I am closest to my mom and younger sister, but I still love everyone of them. I may not be close to them, physically or emotionally, but they are family. Though my family hasn't always been perfect, we do have that 1 huge factor that ties us all together, blood.
My mom, along with my grandmother, have always been some of the greater female influences in my life. My grandmother passed away 5 years ago, and I still try to remember what she would say about certain things and try to listen to the advice I think she would give to me. My mom, though sometimes I don't agree, definitely doesn't hold back with her advice. Though, the one thing I will always know is that even when there is a time we don't agree, she will ALWAYS be there for me, just like she always has been!
Of course, then there is my little sister. We have an older brother and sister, but we weren't close. Our older sister was raised by her mom's mom, and our brother was raised with us, until my parents divorced. Plus, he was quite a bit older, so for the most part, it was just me and Shannon. Like many sisters, we didn't get along to well, but we always took up for each other and were always there when it really counted. There were times that she was the only person there for me, and times when there were other people there, but she was the only one that mattered. Even she may not realize those times herself, but I sure do, and I am truly grateful to have such a wonderful little sister!
After them, there are the people I CHOOSE to call family. They may not be related to me by blood, but we are as close, if not closer, than most sisters/brothers. This kind of relationship isn't just being friends, its being family. I have at least 3 women in my life that are just the most amazing women, and the lack of blood connection is the only difference I see from sisters.
Laura has been the longest friend I've had. Friends since middle school. There were of course bumps and curves in our relationship, though for any relationship, that is normal. Heck, my sister and I have had more bumps and sharper curves than Laura and I have ever had. There were times we didn't speak to each other, but we always went back to each other. She has been there through many rough times, and I have tried to be there for her rough times. To this day, no matter how little we get to talk, I still consider her my best friend/sister.
Penny came into my life in 2003, when we were both new to the Air Force. When we met, we didn't care much for each other, but that changed over time. Don't ask me when, because I can't tell you. All I know, is one day we didn't care for each other and the next day we were best friends. At least, that's sure how it seemed to happen. We spent so much time together, wanted or not, that we just grew on each other. Before we knew it, we were taking care of each other (more her taking care of me) and just being awesome together! She is also someone I consider my best friend/sister.
Then there is Leslie!!! We met in 2006, while we were both pregnant. I was pregnant with my 1st, and she with her 2nd. I had heard she was a bitch, so I was careful and weary around her at first, but the more and more I got to know her, she was pretty awesome! We have a lot in common about the way we think, and we understand each other quite well. I actually think she understands me better than my husband sometimes. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we haven't let that get in the way of our friendship. We are able to give/receive each others opinion without thinking the other is being judgmental or an ass. Sometimes we misunderstand each other, or take something the wrong way, but the one thing I can count on is that we are able to approach each other and talk it out rather than getting upset and arguing. Another best friend/sister.
These women have each touched my life in a different way, but have all earned the same place in my heart! I can't be sure that they weren't just put in my life for a reason or season, but I sure know that I will remember them for LIFE! They are the 3 women I care the most about, aside from relatives of course. They are the friends that truly make me a better person and make me strive to be the greatest friend I can be. I miss them all immensely, and can't wait until I can see them all again! It sucks that one is in FL, one in TX about to move to AZ, and one in Japan. I only wish I had the money to visit all those places and see all 3 of them. Though, I am pretty certain that, one way or another, I will see all 3 of them again!
To the sisters that God forgot to give me, I love you all!!! I miss you, and I am always thinking of each of you!
There are other people in my life that I do consider to be family, and for many different reasons. And, there are a few people that I am really hoping to add to my list of family. Though, it is difficult trying to make that kind of connection to people. I don't trust easily, and when I do, if its broken, its extremely hard to get back. I have met a lot of wonderful people, and I only hope that my family will continue to grow throughout the years. And those people that I am still trying to build relationships with, I truly hope that someday, we can call each other family!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Beautiful days!
We have been on a roll of beautiful days here in Germany! The shining sun, very few clouds and all around just pure beauty! I never realized how much we took the sun for granted until coming here and rarely seeing it.
During the winter, we are lucky if the sun comes out from behind the clouds. Mostly is dark and rainy, and of course some snow. Though, our winter technically lasted until just a few days ago when it decided to all of a sudden warm up and the sun quit hiding from us!
Yesterday, it was in the 70's and today about the same. The kids got to play outside and hubby was able to get a screen hung up so that I could enjoy fresh air without the bugs coming in! Tomorrow I will be grabbing our other fans and setting them up around the house to keep a nice rotation of fresh air throughout the house!
I also plan on being outside more with the kids! Now that we can go outside in tank tops and shorts, I should be able to get a little color back to my skin soon!!! We are also planning on going to the lake for a day, and really just soak it all up while it lasts! We don't get very long summers here, so the short time we get we better take full advantage of it!
Check back tomorrow for pics of me and the kids outside! I am sure we will be taking plenty!!!
During the winter, we are lucky if the sun comes out from behind the clouds. Mostly is dark and rainy, and of course some snow. Though, our winter technically lasted until just a few days ago when it decided to all of a sudden warm up and the sun quit hiding from us!
Yesterday, it was in the 70's and today about the same. The kids got to play outside and hubby was able to get a screen hung up so that I could enjoy fresh air without the bugs coming in! Tomorrow I will be grabbing our other fans and setting them up around the house to keep a nice rotation of fresh air throughout the house!
I also plan on being outside more with the kids! Now that we can go outside in tank tops and shorts, I should be able to get a little color back to my skin soon!!! We are also planning on going to the lake for a day, and really just soak it all up while it lasts! We don't get very long summers here, so the short time we get we better take full advantage of it!
Check back tomorrow for pics of me and the kids outside! I am sure we will be taking plenty!!!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The loss and growing desire of another child
For almost 2 years now, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I wanted to have another child. I love my boys, but there is still that urge of wanting more. I knew when I had Darien that I wanted more children, and that feeling hasn't gone away. The days that I question it are normally the days that they are all sorts of crazy, and with 2 boys, its pretty much always crazy! Though, now with my new positive outlook, the crazy days are some of the best days because their real personalities shine through! So, now I am back on the kick, and have been for a couple weeks, of wanting another child!
We actually started trying back in November. I got pregnant immediately, found out on Dec 4th by a home test, then on Dec 7th by a test done at the doctor. On Dec 14th I went to the ER because I started bleeding and cramping. They did a quick exam and an u/s and was unable to locate the sac. I was told I was probably having a miscarriage and told to rest. The following night, at about 2am, we had to call an ambulance to get me because I was in so much pain I could barely move. They get me to the ER and I get loaded with pain meds. They explained that due to the location of the pain it was possible that it was an ectopic pregnancy and sent home with orders to keep the appt I had on Dec 18th with the OB/GYN clinic so that I could use that as a follow up.
Well, the day before that appt, which was the day I left the ER, the clinic called to cancel my appt due to training or something. I tried to explain to the nurse how important it was that I get in and be seen, and she pretty much acted as if she could care less. Luckily, I knew someone who worked in the clinic, so I called her and let her know what was going on and she was able to get me seen. Which was a good thing because I was officially diagnosed with (most likely) an ectopic pregnancy. There was no way to know for certain because they couldn't locate a sac, but all symptoms, to include the HgC levels, were consistent with an ectopic pregnancy.
I was given my options, surgery or a shot of methotrexate which is a drug also commonly used for cemotheraphy in cancer patients. I choose the shot to avoid surgery and the possible loss of a tube. Well, that is definitely an experience I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I was sick for days, could barely even walk without being dizzy or weak, felt like someone was ripping my stomach out, and just an overall miserable time. Even on Christmas day I was having to not do too much because I was easily tired and definitely just not myself. It was awful.
After that, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to try again for another child because I am honestly scared of having to go through that again. Now that I have had one, my chances of having another are a lot more. I suffered from depression and anxiety really badly, enough that I lost about 40lbs in less than 3 months. Even with knowing that it could happen again, I am back to wanting to try again.
We have been blessed with 2 amazing little boys, and if it doesn't happen for us, then it will be okay. I would just like the chance to be a mommy to another special little boy or girl. We aren't actively trying, but we aren't preventing either. We figure that if its meant to happen, it will when its our time.
We actually started trying back in November. I got pregnant immediately, found out on Dec 4th by a home test, then on Dec 7th by a test done at the doctor. On Dec 14th I went to the ER because I started bleeding and cramping. They did a quick exam and an u/s and was unable to locate the sac. I was told I was probably having a miscarriage and told to rest. The following night, at about 2am, we had to call an ambulance to get me because I was in so much pain I could barely move. They get me to the ER and I get loaded with pain meds. They explained that due to the location of the pain it was possible that it was an ectopic pregnancy and sent home with orders to keep the appt I had on Dec 18th with the OB/GYN clinic so that I could use that as a follow up.
Well, the day before that appt, which was the day I left the ER, the clinic called to cancel my appt due to training or something. I tried to explain to the nurse how important it was that I get in and be seen, and she pretty much acted as if she could care less. Luckily, I knew someone who worked in the clinic, so I called her and let her know what was going on and she was able to get me seen. Which was a good thing because I was officially diagnosed with (most likely) an ectopic pregnancy. There was no way to know for certain because they couldn't locate a sac, but all symptoms, to include the HgC levels, were consistent with an ectopic pregnancy.
I was given my options, surgery or a shot of methotrexate which is a drug also commonly used for cemotheraphy in cancer patients. I choose the shot to avoid surgery and the possible loss of a tube. Well, that is definitely an experience I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I was sick for days, could barely even walk without being dizzy or weak, felt like someone was ripping my stomach out, and just an overall miserable time. Even on Christmas day I was having to not do too much because I was easily tired and definitely just not myself. It was awful.
After that, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to try again for another child because I am honestly scared of having to go through that again. Now that I have had one, my chances of having another are a lot more. I suffered from depression and anxiety really badly, enough that I lost about 40lbs in less than 3 months. Even with knowing that it could happen again, I am back to wanting to try again.
We have been blessed with 2 amazing little boys, and if it doesn't happen for us, then it will be okay. I would just like the chance to be a mommy to another special little boy or girl. We aren't actively trying, but we aren't preventing either. We figure that if its meant to happen, it will when its our time.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Being a Mommy!
Being a mommy is the absolute most amazing part of my life! I have two amazing little boys that just light up my world and make every day a new adventure! We have good and bad days, but no two days are ever the same with them! I never truly understood the amount of unconditional love I was able to have for anyone until I had them! And I truly can't (but can at the same time) wait to see what our future has in store for our family!
When I first met my husband, I was still legally married and he had JUST gotten a divorce. So, when my divorce was final and we began dating, it wasn't really all THAT serious. I was still considering moving back to FL because I knew I was getting out of the military within a couple of months and just didn't have much keeping me in TX. So, we planned a trip to FL and VA to meet each others families, and this would give me a chance to really see if moving back to FL was what I wanted. So, we go, have a good time and I was able to line up a temporary job in TX to get me through for a while til I made a final decision of what to do.
We arrived back to TX on a Sunday, I started working Monday, and it just so happened that Monday was also the day I found out I was pregnant. I am not even sure what made me take the test, just woke up and had a thought, and sure enough, I was. So, of course, I had doubts because I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. Excited was definitely my very last emotion. I was more scared and nervous about it, and excited came in probably about the time I felt him move for the first time.
I remember it clearly. I was in FL for my baby shower, and I was in the car with my best friend Laura. We were pulling up to Winn-Dixie. At first, I thought it was just a little bit of gas, because that was kinda how it felt. But after a few minutes, I felt it again, and it was more like feeling someone poking you from the inside. At that very moment, I got excited, and the rest of the pregnancy was pretty great. Then, giving birth to him changed me forever.
My labor was pretty easy. I was induced 5 days after my due date due to a small medical concern after having some slight bleeding. I was told that I could be there anywhere from 12-36+ hours in labor, that being induced normally took a long time. So, I got the epidural and things were pretty easy going. Well, they were wrong. About 6 1/2 hours after they started the pitocen, he was born. They immediately laid him on my stomach, and from the moment I saw him I was in love with him!
He had the perfect little face, hands, feet, everything was just perfect! I knew right then that I wanted to have more. I never expected to have that immediate connection with him because the majority of my pregnancy I felt so disconnected, but it was definitely one of the best moments of my life!
Six months later, I decided it was time to start trying again. It took about 5 months, but when I found out I was pregnant again, I had all the same emotions as the first time, only I was excited from the start. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same way about it this time around since I was so excited the whole pregnancy, but I worried for no reason. When my second son was born, again, it was instant love. I could actually feel the love in my just grow and instead of having to share it, there was just more of it!
To this day, I look at them and can't imagine my life without them! Their smiles are priceless, their hugs are heart warming and their "I love you" is enough to melt anyone's soul. Their personalities are so different, yet they are so much alike. Darien is a clown, loves to goof off and get people's attention. Adrien is more quiet and reserved, and is my little cuddle bug. Though, they both love to play outside and jump around and just be boys!
Being a mommy is so much more than I ever expected, but in a way that I am so thankful that I was given the the blessing of getting to be one! They have bad days, and sometimes I get stressed out, but there is nothing in this world they could do to ever make me love them any less. Everyday my love for them grows, and everyday I learn at least 1 more thing from them. They are the center of my universe, and will continue to love them for the rest of my life! Its just awesome being a mommy!
When I first met my husband, I was still legally married and he had JUST gotten a divorce. So, when my divorce was final and we began dating, it wasn't really all THAT serious. I was still considering moving back to FL because I knew I was getting out of the military within a couple of months and just didn't have much keeping me in TX. So, we planned a trip to FL and VA to meet each others families, and this would give me a chance to really see if moving back to FL was what I wanted. So, we go, have a good time and I was able to line up a temporary job in TX to get me through for a while til I made a final decision of what to do.
We arrived back to TX on a Sunday, I started working Monday, and it just so happened that Monday was also the day I found out I was pregnant. I am not even sure what made me take the test, just woke up and had a thought, and sure enough, I was. So, of course, I had doubts because I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. Excited was definitely my very last emotion. I was more scared and nervous about it, and excited came in probably about the time I felt him move for the first time.
I remember it clearly. I was in FL for my baby shower, and I was in the car with my best friend Laura. We were pulling up to Winn-Dixie. At first, I thought it was just a little bit of gas, because that was kinda how it felt. But after a few minutes, I felt it again, and it was more like feeling someone poking you from the inside. At that very moment, I got excited, and the rest of the pregnancy was pretty great. Then, giving birth to him changed me forever.
My labor was pretty easy. I was induced 5 days after my due date due to a small medical concern after having some slight bleeding. I was told that I could be there anywhere from 12-36+ hours in labor, that being induced normally took a long time. So, I got the epidural and things were pretty easy going. Well, they were wrong. About 6 1/2 hours after they started the pitocen, he was born. They immediately laid him on my stomach, and from the moment I saw him I was in love with him!
He had the perfect little face, hands, feet, everything was just perfect! I knew right then that I wanted to have more. I never expected to have that immediate connection with him because the majority of my pregnancy I felt so disconnected, but it was definitely one of the best moments of my life!
Six months later, I decided it was time to start trying again. It took about 5 months, but when I found out I was pregnant again, I had all the same emotions as the first time, only I was excited from the start. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same way about it this time around since I was so excited the whole pregnancy, but I worried for no reason. When my second son was born, again, it was instant love. I could actually feel the love in my just grow and instead of having to share it, there was just more of it!
To this day, I look at them and can't imagine my life without them! Their smiles are priceless, their hugs are heart warming and their "I love you" is enough to melt anyone's soul. Their personalities are so different, yet they are so much alike. Darien is a clown, loves to goof off and get people's attention. Adrien is more quiet and reserved, and is my little cuddle bug. Though, they both love to play outside and jump around and just be boys!
Being a mommy is so much more than I ever expected, but in a way that I am so thankful that I was given the the blessing of getting to be one! They have bad days, and sometimes I get stressed out, but there is nothing in this world they could do to ever make me love them any less. Everyday my love for them grows, and everyday I learn at least 1 more thing from them. They are the center of my universe, and will continue to love them for the rest of my life! Its just awesome being a mommy!
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