Laura

We met sometime in middle school. You moved into the neighborhood and we immediately became friends. I remember that over the summers, generally if you found one of us, you found the other because we were ALWAYS together. We had a good time together and rarely let other people get between us.

We have been there for each through some of the best and worst of life, and you were always the person I counted on when I needed a friend. I know we weren’t always there, and sometimes irritated with each other, but I always knew you were one of the true friends.

We’ve been in a couple disagreements that had us not talk for periods of time, and I kick myself now because that was time wasted. You always defended me when other people had something to say. You never let my lack of popularity end our friendship.
You were popular, and me not so much. Most of your other friends couldn’t stand me, with or without good reason. Though, I don’t remember us not hanging out less than often. You even let me live with you when things at home got difficult. We even worked together, which normally complicates any relationship. So, working together while living together and hanging out, I am surprised we never had a physical fight, though happy about it.

We have made it through a lot of stuff together, and you are one of few people that I can honestly say is one of my best friends. We don’t get to talk too often, but when we do it’s like no time has really passed. We update each other and pick up where we left off. Every time I am home to visit, you are one of the first people I see and one of the only people I want to see.

I know that being far apart will always put some stress on a friendship, but know that I am always here for you and I can’t wait to see you again!

What and why I am writing

You can probably see that I have had a large increase in blogging. Well, I have been reminded to let those I care about know it. So, I am going to try to do one post per day with a new person that I feel has touched my life, whether I still talk to them or not. It's nice to try to remember all those special people and let everyone know how they changed my life.

I don't know that I will get to every single person, because I could be here for years if I do that, but I want to at least touch on the people with the biggest affects in my life.

The other night, I talked about 5 of the most important people in my life. Leslie, my sister, my mom, Penny and my husband. There are a few more that I didn't get to, but I will very soon! Just got to get my thoughts together about them and write it out.

Some of the things I write will be emotional, and probably make some teary. This is the warning. You may cry, you may not. I know some I will probably cry just writing, but I feel this important to do.

I will be updating on school and other things in between, but I want this to be my main focus of writing. By the way, school is going GREAT! Will be posting again soon!

My Favorite Penny

Pennies shine in the sun
they shine really bright
you should let it tarnish
always treat them right

AAAHHH... Penny. The person who still surprises me, by being my friend. She really is the exact opposite of me, or at least she was when we first met. She was the quiet, friendly, dependable person that everyone liked. I was the self centered, stuck up, crazy person that everyone didn't like. Though, somehow we became best friends.

We didn't like each other, it went both ways on that. I didn't like her, she didn't like me, so where, when and how we became best friends is still even a mystery to us. We hung out with the same group, lived in the dorms and worked together. So, we did spend a lot of time together whether we wanted to or not.

I remember us avoiding each other and staying on opposite ends of the room for a while. Then, one day we woke up and realized that we happened to be best friends. Neither of us can say when or how it happened, just that it did. The how and when doesn't matter, all that matters is that I am glad to call her my friend, and that I realize how lucky I am to be able to.

She was with me the day my 1st child was born, patting my forehead with a wet towel and cheering me on when I was pushing him out. She was there through my first marriage and the divorce. She was there through my troubles, and there through my separation from the military. She was a person I could lean on when times got difficult.

I know she didn't agree with my choices, and I know she had her opinions about them. Though, she rarely spoke of them, rather gave me a shoulder and advice when I needed it. She did tell me briefly when she disagreed, but also reassured me that she was there for me no matter what, and always was.

Though we have oceans, 8 hours and lives that make it hard to talk as often as we'd like, I know she is always there when I really need her. I hope that our paths cross again someday, though I am sure they will!

I love you girl!

My Mommy :)

You stood by me through thick and thin
You didn't give up on me when I didn't win
You had patience when I kept pushing you away
You cared when I said I didn't need you anyway

Still corny, can't help it :P

You are my mom, my friend, my teacher, my everything. It's crazy because I can see that I am so much more like you than I ever imagined I'd be. You've been so much more than a mother, and I can't believe I was so lucky to have you.

I know the past years were rough, and you did everything you could to give us a decent childhood. I know the effort you made to show your love and guide me through. I wasn't always grateful and sometimes even a jerk, but I look back now and know. I am grateful, and ecstatic that you cared about me so much.

You have been there for me through most of my life's toughest times. You've helped me through and kept me going. Without judgement, you made sure that even my bad choices were done with someone to talk to. I always knew when you disagreed, but I also always knew that no matter what, you'd love me anyway. Not everyone is as lucky.

Now, you are the person I call first for just about everything. The person I talk to about just about everything, and one of the people I know I can depend on without a doubt no matter the issue. I can't wait to see you, in just a couple weeks, and be able to have some mommy/daughter time with you. I love you, mom.

Sweet Sister Shannon

You were given to me by God
He gave me such a precious gift
You are my sister and my friend
Always to give my spirit a life :)

Corny, I know. I said poetry isn't my thing...

You are my sister by birth, friend by choice! We have been through our entire lives together, yet we don't see each other imperfections. We have been through quite a bit together and I can't imagine going through those things with anyone else.

We survived divorced parents and a less than perfect childhood. We made it through our own fights and battles with each other. We just made it through, and as much together as we could.

You have been an amazing little sister. Yes, we fight and get on each others nerves, but at the end of the day, we still love each other. There is no question in my mind that we were meant to be sisters, and that God has a purpose for putting us together. You are one of my biggest motivators in life, trying to set an example that I'd be proud for you to follow.

There have been times I wanted to smack you stupid, and times I just wanted to hug you tight, but the constant factor is love. You are one of the most important people in my life, and you should know that I love you more than anyone will ever understand. I am glad you are my sister, and even more happy that we are friends.

My Friend Leslie :)

Leslie,

I met you, but didn't like you.
I hung out with you, but stayed weary.
I started to care for you, and the wall broke down.
Now your my best friend, and that makes me teary :)

It's kinda fruity and lame, but I am not good at poetry... Either way, it shows the steps we went through in our friendship at a glance. Because Leslie is such a huge part of my life, even with an ocean between us, I am writing about her tonight!

Before we even met, I had heard rumors about her. Though I am not one to really judge anyone, I found myself not liking her just based on what I was hearing. So, when we met, I automatically had a wall up. The more we talked and hung out, the more I realized how idiotic those people were for saying the things they said, she was NOTHING like what I'd heard.

I'm not exactly sure when or how, but she has become one of my best friends in the world! We were pregnant together, and 4 weeks apart our children were born. She was a HUGE resource for me since she'd had her 2nd child and I only had my 1st. She was the person I called for advice and helped me through all the crazy times I had being a new mom.

Then, we had a fight. Yes, a BIG fight. We are both extremely head strong, defensive people and unfortunately that got the best of us both. I don't even know how long we went without talking, but I do know that we both found ourselves back together, and stronger than before.

She was the person who, when I was in labor and swore I wasn't, made me go to the hospital. Had she not made me go, I probably would have had my son on her living room floor. She stayed with me and was there when I had my 2nd baby, and still she was the person who got me through all the crazy stuff.

We've had our ups and downs, but I think its because we are more like sisters than friends. Sisters fight, but they still love each other no matter what, and thats how we are. We will tell anyone, our friendship has issues, but we take comfort in knowing that even with the issues, we have each others backs and will always be there for one another.

I can't wait until the day we see each other again, though a massive amount of tissues and eye drops may be required :) She is my best friend, and the person who, even with the ocean separating us, keeps me sane when things are crazy!

I LOVE YA GIRL!!!

Loss and grief

Everyone knows that with life, there is death. The moment of conception, life begins, and at any time can be met with death. It's sad to think about, and can cause a lot of grief.

Why do people think that when a life is lost that people can just cry and be over it? Some people can do that, but for some of us, its not as easy. I've lost a few people that I was very close to, and a baby. It's not something I can just cry over it for a day and bounce back and never have emotion for it again. Do I cry everyday about it, no, but I have my days when it effects me more than others.

There are many days I think of my friend Amanda, and cry. She died 8 years ago, but I still think about her and shed tears for her. I still think of my grandmother. She died 5 years ago, but I still think about and shed tears for her. I lost my baby less than a year ago, so I definitely still think about and cry for my child.

This doesn't mean I am weak, it means that I had very strong feelings for them and still feel sadness that they are not here with me. The day that I think of them without sadness is the day I have forgotten who they were to me and what they meant in my life. This isn't saying that all people feel this way, or because they feel differently means they have forgotten, thats just how it is for me.

I hope that people understand that crying and feeling pain isn't something some us choose to feel, it just is. People really should try harder to understand that and be more sympathetic to people who have a harder time with their losses. Telling someone to get over it isn't being either, and actually is a bit harsh. Something as simple as saying "I am sorry, hope you feel better soon" can be enough, or just say nothing at all. Sometimes nothing at all is better.

Friends come and go

Friends come and go, though recently I have had more go than come. Maybe its me, maybe its them, who really knows. I know that not everyone is going to like me, my choices or my habits, so I am okay knowing that these people are no longer going to be part of my life. It kinda sucks, but my life goes on and it just makes room for new friends.

Though, one thing I have come to realize is that I need to be more careful of who I try to befriend. I have gotten hurt a lot recently by people I thought were friends, and I think its because I haven't really paid a lot of attention. I've been so lonely and just wanting people around to talk to, and I haven't really paid much attention to if we have things in common or not. If there is no common ground, there isn't much to talk about. If there isn't much to talk about, chances are things will get very old very quickly.

I can't blame anyone for walking away and choosing to end a friendship with me, especially if there just wasn't any common ground. You gotta have something there to make any relationship work. And from this point on, I plan to be a little more choosy and try to make sure that I am befriending people with similar interests who can also handle me.

First and foremost, though, I want to really set my relationship right with God. I have worried too much about other people and what they think of me when I should be focused on God and what he thinks of how I have been acting. I am not perfect, and yes, even lately I haven't been acting right, so I need to really put forth more effort to quit the same old habits and patterns. Once I can get myself into a better place, I am sure to start making better friends.

I set out a couple weeks ago to build this relationship with God, and got preoccupied with other things. I am done with that. Today I realized that maybe some of these people leaving my life was another way of telling me to focus. Focus on more important things, like my husband, my children, and most importantly, God. Quit focusing on the friends, or lack of, here in Germany, and focus on building stronger and more loving relationships with the few people that truly matter. Maybe then, I won't feel so lonely and can find people on common ground and build strong relationships with them.

This is going to be a tough road because I can already see how easy it is to be distracted. I just hope that sometime in the future I can find those people who will be great friends to me, and me to them. Until that happens, its all about God and really trying to make myself a better person.