Last Year

One year ago I went through one of the most horrible experiences of my life. Finding out that I had an ectopic pregnancy, and the physical and emotional stress that caused left some pretty big emotional scars. Today is the 1 year anniversary of finding this out, and a year from when the worst of it really started.

December 4th was the day I found out I was pregnant using a home test. We had a holiday party that evening so I took the test to know whether or not I could drink. It was positive, and I was ecstatic! I went to the clinic the following Monday, December 7th, and they confirmed that I was indeed pregnant! I made my initial appointment with OBGYN for December 18th! Everything was perfect!

Then, December 15th I noticed some spotting in the evening and had some cramping so I went to the ER. The doctor told me that I was probably experiencing a miscarriage and that I needed to let it pass. She prescribed some pain medication and sent me home. The next night, even with pain medication, my pain was so bad that I could barely move. We called an ambulance and I was taken back to the ER. The doctor that night pretty much said the same as the other doctor, gave me more medication and sent me home. Though, he said to keep my appointment with OB so that I could be checked out to ensure everything was clearing up.

The day of December 17th, a nurse from the OBGYN clinic called to cancel my appointment. I explained to her everything that had been going on and informed her that I needed to keep the appointment. After arguing over it a little, she said she would call me back. Guess what? She never called back. So, getting worried, I got in touch with someone I knew who worked in the clinic. She told me to just show up at the appointment time and she'd take care of it.

I showed up that morning, had more blood work done (blood work had been done each time I went to the ER) and waited to find out what was happening. The doctor who agreed to see me did an internal ultrasound and we found that my pain was pretty limited to one side. My blood work had also showed that my levels had dropped, though not nearly as quickly as they should have with a normal miscarriage. The doctor finally stated that based on what she had seen, she believed I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.

I've found out that a lot of people don't know what that means. Well, it's when the fertilized egg gets stuck in the tube, which can be dangerous of not caught. It can cause damage to the tube, and in some cases, death. Thankfully they caught it and that I finally had someone who was willing to take the time to be sure before sending me back home.

Now that we knew what was happening, it was time to decide which route to take care of it. I had 2 options, I could have surgery or get a shot of methotrexate to ensure clearing of the tube. Surgery is risky anyway, but that early of a pregnancy they may not have been able to find the sac and I could have had my entire tube removed, making it that more difficult to become pregnant in the future. The shot was a better option, as it left little scar tissue and didn't require any cutting.

The shot, though, is a drug they use for cemotherapy on cancer patients. Side effects were extensive, and I think I felt them all. I was weak and sick for days, could barely get out of bed without getting dizzy and winded. I felt ill constantly and could do nothing about it. Plus, all the emotions I was going through from knowing that I was losing the baby we had tried for, it was just an awful time.

Now, it's been a year and I feel almost the same this year as I did last year. My body has been under a lot of stress, infections that are causing bigger issues, and all regarding my baby making parts. I had my IUD removed last week, which apparently caused an infection, leading to PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease). So, I was just in the ER the other night with pain and heavy bleeding, and today I am still fighting the pain.

I know it's not the same kind of pain, and no where near as emotional of an issue, but it has been a painful reminder of everything. I almost feel that if it wasn't for all of this now, I wouldn't be having as hard of a time with my emotions. I would still be very sad, but would I be THIS brought down by it? It's a lot on my mind and have had a rough day, though I am trying to be strong! For my boys, my husband and myself! God has brought me through this last year, and because of Him, I am going to make it through all of this!