Being pregnant means being uncomfortable. I've done it three times before and aside from having my appendix removed, this pregnancy hasn't been all too different from the others. Until last week, that is.
Thursday morning (at 30 weeks) I woke knowing I had a fairly full day ahead. I had to get kids off to school, wanted to go see a friend who'd just had her baby that morning, get kids from school, homework for my class and the normal daily stuff for the mom of 3 boys. Well, I woke up feeling like something was off, very uncomfortable, but I pushed through anyway. I had things to do and pregnancy can be like that sometimes, so I dealt with it and pushed on.
I got the kids of to school and then got ready to go visit my friend. I carried Jorden (who is now 25lbs) up to a friends apartment on the 4th floor. Went for our visit and did all I had to do. That evening I was really just feeling blah. I knew I had done too much but I hoped going to bed early and resting would help. So, I got my shower and got ready to head to bed.
After my shower, I was doing my nightly routine of drink, bathroom and getting everything together. When I used the bathroom, I wiped away blood. So, I called and let them know how I'd been feeling and about the spotting (what they call it). Just because I had been feeling bad all day and everything, they wanted me to just go in and get checked out. And now, I am beyond glad that I did.
When I got there they hooked me up to the monitors and I realized I was having contractions every 5-7 minutes. Baby looked great but the contractions were a problem since I'd had some bleeding. They did their exams to find that I was bleeding inside but they couldn't exactly figure where it was coming from. So, they ran some tests to see if they would show anything. Well, one of these tests (hope I explain this correctly) showed that my blood count was down in the area of clotting. Which to them says that I had a bleed somewhere that wasn't fixing itself. They did another test which showed my levels getting lower. So, of course, this is a problem.
After preparing me for the possibility of a c-section, the NICU if he was born, getting meds started (steroids for his lungs and magnesium for his brain), I was admitted to the hospital over the weekend and on strict bed rest with only bathroom privileges. I was able to go to the toilet and that was about it. I even had to get special permission just to take a shower. So, from Thursday night to Monday, I was stuck in a bed depending on everyone else to get things for me. It was good and awful all at the same time.
I finally spoke the the Dr Monday morning during my 3rd NST for the weekend. She made sure that I knew just how important bed rest was at this point and let me know all the risks. Basically, if I bleed, AT ALL, again then I will be admitted to the hospital until he is born. If it doesn't happen again or at least holds of to about 35 weeks or later, they would probably just go ahead and deliver him. But it would really depend on the severity and how he is doing in there. But before that, I am a prisoner of the hospital. She also told me that if it were to get worse I risk the baby's life and my own because of bleeding out. So, no chances will be taken.
I had to go to OB to make NST appointments for twice a week and a growth scan. I will now go in twice weekly and the baby will be monitored for roughly 30 minutes to an hour. I had the growth scan this morning and talked to the Dr that is in charge of all high risk patients.
They found the small part on my placenta that seems to be torn. I wasn't large but it was visible. It's one that could easily go either way, as in get better or worse, so he wants to keep a close watch on baby and me to ensure we get through as long as possible for a healthy birth! As long as all seems to be well with baby, then at 34 weeks we will discuss increasing my activity. Around 36 weeks I will likely be taken off bed rest completely. If I happen to still be pregnant at 39 weeks, I will be induced to ensure no further damage to the placenta.
So, basically I know now that I will have a baby in 8 weeks or less since I am now 31 weeks. I wish it wasn't under these conditions but I am glad they are taking this seriously and not just waiting to see how things go without some precautions in place. We have a plan and everyone is on board. Now, I just pray I can stay out of the hospital until it's time to have this little boy!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Life, Unexpected
Before reading this, I have to state that nothing has been "proven" so this is an alleged incident.
Everyone has experienced something in their life that was unexpected and probably changed the course of their life, at least once. I know I've experienced a lot of unexpected things and each of those things surely changed my life in one way or another. Though, most of those things were probably very little and almost unnoticeable. I may not have expected it at that time but it was bound to happen and it turned out just to be God working to get me where I was supposed to end up.
What about those HUGE things that happen, though? And what if it's something that could be classified as a horrible thing to happen, even if a blessing manages to come out of it? Well, my family is able to understand this situation, even if we can't answer these questions.
Babies are blessings, gifts from God, no matter how or when they are conceived. I have always believed this and nothing will change my opinion of that. God should be praised with every new life, and I will always praise Him for the lives he has given to me when he gave me my children. But, I will acknowledge that I now understand one very hard and dark consideration that women make. A consideration that I believed was appropriate in certain circumstances.
I am currently 31 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy was unexpected, to say the least, and definitely not something that was planned. As you may remember, my husband deployed in February. So, any person able to do math (and know the actual gestation length/times) would easily figure out that this pregnancy occurred after he was gone. And yes, it certainly did. However, I will make one thing VERY clear: I was NOT {willingly} unfaithful to my husband.
Unfortunately it appears as though I trusted the wrong person and allowed myself to be in a situation that another man apparently thought it was okay to take advantage. This person was someone we all thought of as family to us, so to say it was unexpected in an understatement. I still, even 6 months later, can't believe that this person betrayed me (and my entire family) the way he did.
As much as I could go on about that, that is not the point of me writing. It happened, it sucks and will now have a blessing added to our family. Another child. I considered having an abortion when I first found out. It was what I thought I would do in this situation, and completely believed it was an acceptable answer. I didn't ask for this, it wasn't me choosing to lay down with a man, this was essentially rape. And in that case, I could understand someone choosing abortion. So, I looked into it and got all the information I could. At the same time, I prayed. Asked God what to do. I did blame myself because I could have done so much different and it was my own fault I was in that position, so in a way I felt like I was being punished for drinking or something. Though, what I quickly realized, my fault or not, this baby wasn't at fault. They didn't ask to be conceived. Why would I kill someone that had no blame? And my entire opinion changed and I came to find that I don't believe that even in cases of rape/assault that abortion is an acceptable decision.
I also considered adoption. Talked to families and even had the one family I would have adopted to right then. But, pregnancy takes a while so I had time to really consider everything. My feelings, my husbands feelings my kids' feelings, the rest of our family's feelings and what this child would possibly feel. After discussing things with close friends, family and my husband, I decided that adoption just wasn't right for me. Yes, raising this child is going to be a challenge in ways, but he's my child. No matter how it happened, it did happen and I needed to look at the blessing of it, not the wrong that was done.
I have 3 children, all boys! Well, in less than 8 weeks we will add another little man to love! It was unexpected, and very hard to make decisions about what to do but even with all of the things that have come from this, I know I am blessed!
I have an amazing husband who has stood by me through everything. He's understood my feelings and been a rock through it all. My kids are too young to understand but are sure excited to have another brother! And although I know that our hard road isn't over, I know our road to an amazing life has still only just begun!
It's not easy and this pregnancy has definitely been a rough one. I am currently on bed rest (will post about that later) and will be until the end as of right now. I had my appendix removed at 17 weeks along and just everything seems to make this a rough go for me. But, today I saw this little boy on ultrasound and it reminded me just how awesome life is! And whatever it takes to make sure this baby is born happy, healthy and when he is a little bit bigger, I will do! I already love him :) He's part of my life, unexpected.
Everyone has experienced something in their life that was unexpected and probably changed the course of their life, at least once. I know I've experienced a lot of unexpected things and each of those things surely changed my life in one way or another. Though, most of those things were probably very little and almost unnoticeable. I may not have expected it at that time but it was bound to happen and it turned out just to be God working to get me where I was supposed to end up.
What about those HUGE things that happen, though? And what if it's something that could be classified as a horrible thing to happen, even if a blessing manages to come out of it? Well, my family is able to understand this situation, even if we can't answer these questions.
Babies are blessings, gifts from God, no matter how or when they are conceived. I have always believed this and nothing will change my opinion of that. God should be praised with every new life, and I will always praise Him for the lives he has given to me when he gave me my children. But, I will acknowledge that I now understand one very hard and dark consideration that women make. A consideration that I believed was appropriate in certain circumstances.
I am currently 31 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy was unexpected, to say the least, and definitely not something that was planned. As you may remember, my husband deployed in February. So, any person able to do math (and know the actual gestation length/times) would easily figure out that this pregnancy occurred after he was gone. And yes, it certainly did. However, I will make one thing VERY clear: I was NOT {willingly} unfaithful to my husband.
Unfortunately it appears as though I trusted the wrong person and allowed myself to be in a situation that another man apparently thought it was okay to take advantage. This person was someone we all thought of as family to us, so to say it was unexpected in an understatement. I still, even 6 months later, can't believe that this person betrayed me (and my entire family) the way he did.
As much as I could go on about that, that is not the point of me writing. It happened, it sucks and will now have a blessing added to our family. Another child. I considered having an abortion when I first found out. It was what I thought I would do in this situation, and completely believed it was an acceptable answer. I didn't ask for this, it wasn't me choosing to lay down with a man, this was essentially rape. And in that case, I could understand someone choosing abortion. So, I looked into it and got all the information I could. At the same time, I prayed. Asked God what to do. I did blame myself because I could have done so much different and it was my own fault I was in that position, so in a way I felt like I was being punished for drinking or something. Though, what I quickly realized, my fault or not, this baby wasn't at fault. They didn't ask to be conceived. Why would I kill someone that had no blame? And my entire opinion changed and I came to find that I don't believe that even in cases of rape/assault that abortion is an acceptable decision.
I also considered adoption. Talked to families and even had the one family I would have adopted to right then. But, pregnancy takes a while so I had time to really consider everything. My feelings, my husbands feelings my kids' feelings, the rest of our family's feelings and what this child would possibly feel. After discussing things with close friends, family and my husband, I decided that adoption just wasn't right for me. Yes, raising this child is going to be a challenge in ways, but he's my child. No matter how it happened, it did happen and I needed to look at the blessing of it, not the wrong that was done.
I have 3 children, all boys! Well, in less than 8 weeks we will add another little man to love! It was unexpected, and very hard to make decisions about what to do but even with all of the things that have come from this, I know I am blessed!
I have an amazing husband who has stood by me through everything. He's understood my feelings and been a rock through it all. My kids are too young to understand but are sure excited to have another brother! And although I know that our hard road isn't over, I know our road to an amazing life has still only just begun!
It's not easy and this pregnancy has definitely been a rough one. I am currently on bed rest (will post about that later) and will be until the end as of right now. I had my appendix removed at 17 weeks along and just everything seems to make this a rough go for me. But, today I saw this little boy on ultrasound and it reminded me just how awesome life is! And whatever it takes to make sure this baby is born happy, healthy and when he is a little bit bigger, I will do! I already love him :) He's part of my life, unexpected.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
6 years of Love
Waking up this morning I am grateful that I get to say we've made it 6 wonderful years! Today, my husband and I celebrate 6 years of marriage! Though, we do it separately.
My husband is deployed. For those who are non military, he is in the desert for 6 months, not able to come home at all during that time. We do get to talk on Skype on Saturdays and text nightly before he goes to bed. It's definitely not ideal, but it's something.
Still, though, today we have been married for 6 years! We've been through a lot, with a lot still to come! I've truly found a wonderful man and can only thank God for sending him to me!!!
My husband is deployed. For those who are non military, he is in the desert for 6 months, not able to come home at all during that time. We do get to talk on Skype on Saturdays and text nightly before he goes to bed. It's definitely not ideal, but it's something.
Still, though, today we have been married for 6 years! We've been through a lot, with a lot still to come! I've truly found a wonderful man and can only thank God for sending him to me!!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
100th Post, beginning of 2012!!!
So, not only is this the first post of 2012, it's also my 100th post!!! This is mighty special! I've been trying to pick a good topic and haven't had much come to mind. So, I will just tell you all how I brought in the new year since I enjoyed the night!
Well, first, early in the evening I started to have pain in my lower back side, on my right side. Felt like someone stabbing me. After a short nap, it seemed to be better. So, I finished up the yummy food I was making and just about the time our friends came over, it was back. Not sure what it is but possibly a UTI or kidney stones. Either way, I refused to spend my new years in the ER. I took some meds and dealt with it and now I am feeling alright!
The day started off with my getting my beef stew cooking!!! YUMMY!!! I had 4lbs of stew beef I needed to use, so it made for a great meal! I also made some apple empanadas and sweet potatoes! Everything was delicious and well worth the day spent making it!
The stew
The empanadas
Our friends, Tigger and Tyler and their daughter Gracie, came to eat and bring in the new year with us! We ate, and stuffed our faces full!!! After watched some movies, some comedy shows and play a little Apples to Apples! Some may not call this a night to remember, but I sure will remember it! Bringing in the new year with great friends is always a great time!!!
Right at midnight we went outside to see what we could see of the fireworks, which wasn't much. I kissed my husband, now for the 6th new year spent together, and was even able to kiss Darien!!!
We took a couple pics and that was our night! I loved every moment of this quiet night at home with friends and family!!! While partying the new year in is what it's all about for some, having my family with me is the best way I can see bringing in the new year!
So, Happy New Years everyone!!! Wishing all lots of happiness and great things in 2012!
Well, first, early in the evening I started to have pain in my lower back side, on my right side. Felt like someone stabbing me. After a short nap, it seemed to be better. So, I finished up the yummy food I was making and just about the time our friends came over, it was back. Not sure what it is but possibly a UTI or kidney stones. Either way, I refused to spend my new years in the ER. I took some meds and dealt with it and now I am feeling alright!
The day started off with my getting my beef stew cooking!!! YUMMY!!! I had 4lbs of stew beef I needed to use, so it made for a great meal! I also made some apple empanadas and sweet potatoes! Everything was delicious and well worth the day spent making it!
The stew
The empanadas
Our friends, Tigger and Tyler and their daughter Gracie, came to eat and bring in the new year with us! We ate, and stuffed our faces full!!! After watched some movies, some comedy shows and play a little Apples to Apples! Some may not call this a night to remember, but I sure will remember it! Bringing in the new year with great friends is always a great time!!!
Right at midnight we went outside to see what we could see of the fireworks, which wasn't much. I kissed my husband, now for the 6th new year spent together, and was even able to kiss Darien!!!
We took a couple pics and that was our night! I loved every moment of this quiet night at home with friends and family!!! While partying the new year in is what it's all about for some, having my family with me is the best way I can see bringing in the new year!
So, Happy New Years everyone!!! Wishing all lots of happiness and great things in 2012!
2012 WILL be GREAT!
I'm not normally one to make New Years resolutions because I NEVER stick to what I say. I normally make hard resolutions that are impossible to accomplish, therefor disappointing myself. Well, this year I am making some resolutions and I am making them easy enough to accomplish!
First, I am setting a goal of going somewhere I've never been, see something I've never seen and do something I've never done. Living in Europe makes this easy!!! There is so much to do and see and so many places to go, we just have to do it!!!
Second, I want to get back into college classes and not take a break between classes. Now, I am leaving some wiggle room with this for emergencies, but if nothing is going on, I want to take back to back classes and do well with it! I need to get the degree knocked out so that I can work when we are back in the US.
Third, I want to take my new business as far as I can. I am hoping to sign at least 10 Loyal Customers and recruit 2 people. I think I can definitely do this in 1 year. That gives me 12 months! If I can't do that, I am not trying hard enough.
Fourth, I want to lose weight and get healthy! I am not setting specific goals here because I may not be able to get to a certain number. I just want to have a body that I would be comfortable wearing a bikini! It really shouldn't be too awful hard, but it's going to be a lot of work!
Lastly, and most importantly, I want to work on being a better wife, mother, family member, friend and person overall! I'm flaky at times and when I am upset or having a bad day, I can tend to forget that other people have things going on too. But my real goal is to be the person that God intends me to be for all the people in my life!
What are your goals for 2012???
First, I am setting a goal of going somewhere I've never been, see something I've never seen and do something I've never done. Living in Europe makes this easy!!! There is so much to do and see and so many places to go, we just have to do it!!!
Second, I want to get back into college classes and not take a break between classes. Now, I am leaving some wiggle room with this for emergencies, but if nothing is going on, I want to take back to back classes and do well with it! I need to get the degree knocked out so that I can work when we are back in the US.
Third, I want to take my new business as far as I can. I am hoping to sign at least 10 Loyal Customers and recruit 2 people. I think I can definitely do this in 1 year. That gives me 12 months! If I can't do that, I am not trying hard enough.
Fourth, I want to lose weight and get healthy! I am not setting specific goals here because I may not be able to get to a certain number. I just want to have a body that I would be comfortable wearing a bikini! It really shouldn't be too awful hard, but it's going to be a lot of work!
Lastly, and most importantly, I want to work on being a better wife, mother, family member, friend and person overall! I'm flaky at times and when I am upset or having a bad day, I can tend to forget that other people have things going on too. But my real goal is to be the person that God intends me to be for all the people in my life!
What are your goals for 2012???
Probably shouldn't but do
I've had something on my mind and I want to get it out before the new year. I'm going to really try to make a change in my posts in 2012, posting only positive or motivational stuff. But for now, I need to get this out. I probably shouldn't have this on my mind, but unfortunately, I do.
I'm still friends with some of my exes. Well, probably with more than most people. But keep in mind, this is also including people I wasn't "exclusive" with. I am considering anyone I've had more than a platonic friendship with. And I am also going to be speaking about some that I am not friends with but know what's going in their life because we have mutual friends.
Some things I am just confused about. I know I am not God's gift to men or anything but seriously... I see the women these guys are with, or hear about how they are treated by these women and just don't understand it. I wasn't the greatest girl friend to some of them but there were a few who were treated pretty darn good. Now they are with women who degrade them, cheat on them and just treat them like total crap.
I know this doesn't reflect me or our relationship but it does make me wonder what was so wrong with me that I wasn't wanted more than I was. Did I try TOO hard? Was I not good in bed? Was I just plain dumb? What was it that they didn't like about me but keeps them with these women who are so horrible to them? It's kinda hard not to wonder these things. Especially when they could have had me so completely and chose someone who treated them poorly.
Though, I guess seeing all of this can make me more thankful I am where I am. My marriage isn't perfect but even with the imperfections my husband treats me pretty good. He has his moments when he can be a jerk, but all men do I guess. But 95% of the time he treats me really well.
Even though I have a really good life, it's hard not to question things like this. But I have to try to keep in mind that it must have all been God's plan to get me where I am now. With my husband and our 3 adorable boys! Now I just wish some of these guys would wake up and realize they deserve so much better than what they are allowing themselves.
I'm still friends with some of my exes. Well, probably with more than most people. But keep in mind, this is also including people I wasn't "exclusive" with. I am considering anyone I've had more than a platonic friendship with. And I am also going to be speaking about some that I am not friends with but know what's going in their life because we have mutual friends.
Some things I am just confused about. I know I am not God's gift to men or anything but seriously... I see the women these guys are with, or hear about how they are treated by these women and just don't understand it. I wasn't the greatest girl friend to some of them but there were a few who were treated pretty darn good. Now they are with women who degrade them, cheat on them and just treat them like total crap.
I know this doesn't reflect me or our relationship but it does make me wonder what was so wrong with me that I wasn't wanted more than I was. Did I try TOO hard? Was I not good in bed? Was I just plain dumb? What was it that they didn't like about me but keeps them with these women who are so horrible to them? It's kinda hard not to wonder these things. Especially when they could have had me so completely and chose someone who treated them poorly.
Though, I guess seeing all of this can make me more thankful I am where I am. My marriage isn't perfect but even with the imperfections my husband treats me pretty good. He has his moments when he can be a jerk, but all men do I guess. But 95% of the time he treats me really well.
Even though I have a really good life, it's hard not to question things like this. But I have to try to keep in mind that it must have all been God's plan to get me where I am now. With my husband and our 3 adorable boys! Now I just wish some of these guys would wake up and realize they deserve so much better than what they are allowing themselves.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Mistakes don't bring different outcomes
Ever heard the saying "If you keep doing what you've always done you will keep getting what you always got"? Or even "If you make the same mistake twice, the second time it wasn't a mistake it was a choice"? Well, seems lately these are statements I want to tell MANY people. People seem to do the same things over and over and some how believing the outcome will be better than the last time. I just don't understand it. And most times, they call them "mistakes" yet they continually do the same things.
I'm not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm completely guilty of doing things over and over and expecting different outcomes. I've even made choices to make mistakes more than once, sometimes a handful of times, and still thinking the outcomes should have been different. Well, how can we expect the outcome to be different if we keep doing the same thing? Mistakes or not, people have got to change things in the life if they ever want to go anywhere different.
Cheating on your spouse is a mistake, the FIRST time. After that, you are making a choice to do that same mistake. If you don't want to keep making that mistake, change something. Change the company you keep, change the people you chat with online, change the places you go and change the way you talk to people. If it's something that happens with the influence of alcohol, QUIT drinking.
When your spouse finds out, no one is going to blame them for treating you like crap. And when it's happened more than once, they will eventually get to a point of leaving. Don't get upset with them, they've stuck around for your antics, be mad at yourself because you CHOSE to make those mistakes over and over and they finally CHOSE to not deal with it anymore. I don't have sympathy for the people who constantly cheat and act a fool when their spouse's finally put their feet down and quit listening to all the excuses.
If you aren't married but keep sleeping with all the wrong people, well, there's a way to change that too. Quit going to bed with people so quickly (men, you too) and/or change the places you hang out to meet people. Picking guys up in the bar isn't the likely place to meet your future husband. Going home with the guy on the first night is not likely to let him believe you are even marriage material. But quit whining that you never seem to find the "right" person when your choices of where and how to get someone never changes.
Now, just so everyone reading this understands, I am guilty of both situations noted above. I've cheated and I've whined because I kept finding all the wrong guys and getting my heart broken. I was married and divorced and then remarried all before I turned 22. I won't go into details but just know that I am married to a man who doesn't put up with my crap. He loves me but he knows me. He knows my past and knows just how things work in my head and he doesn't put up with it. At the same time, though, he trusts me. He knows I've tried really hard to make changes and sees it every day.
Well, because I love my husband, I've changed some things about myself and been working on being a better me. I don't do it just for him, I do it for myself and our kids as well. If I keep making the same choices in my life to do all the things I did before, then I am just asking for the same bad things to happen. I'm still not the perfect wife, I still make mistakes, but after making a mistake I try my hardest not to make that same mistake again.
So, when I see people cheating on their spouse, getting caught and doing it again and getting caught and then the situation at home gets worse, I don't have sympathy for them. Not at all. If I am able to do things differently, anyone can. I've changed the people I talk to, hang out with and tried to only surround myself with people who are of good influence. That alone has been a change. I have people I call on when I feel over stressed or when things aren't going how I want them to, who don't let me take the easy ways out or take the road of a short fix. I call on them because I know they will remind of what a good man I have and will remind me of the problems I would cause if I made certain choices.
It's not the easiest thing because, at times, I don't want to hear certain things. I want my feelings to be validated and someone to tell me I'm right. Well, that was the first best choice I made. To not always go to those who will tell me what I want to hear, but tell me what I NEED to hear. It's not easy and I have to make the conscience decision to do the right thing but my marriage is WORTH every moment of it.
So, to those out there who make these bad choices and keep making them, sorry but don't come here looking for sympathy. If you want a good swift kick in the rear, I'm the right person to come to then. And don't come to me, or go to anyone for help, after the fact, I can't help you there. If you want help then GROW UP, reach out and call someone before you act a fool. You will gain more respect from everyone around you and you will prove your love to those you keep hurting. You will also prove that you are trying to be a better person and spouse by making that conscience decision to put other people's feelings before your own desires... Think about that.
I'm not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm completely guilty of doing things over and over and expecting different outcomes. I've even made choices to make mistakes more than once, sometimes a handful of times, and still thinking the outcomes should have been different. Well, how can we expect the outcome to be different if we keep doing the same thing? Mistakes or not, people have got to change things in the life if they ever want to go anywhere different.
Cheating on your spouse is a mistake, the FIRST time. After that, you are making a choice to do that same mistake. If you don't want to keep making that mistake, change something. Change the company you keep, change the people you chat with online, change the places you go and change the way you talk to people. If it's something that happens with the influence of alcohol, QUIT drinking.
When your spouse finds out, no one is going to blame them for treating you like crap. And when it's happened more than once, they will eventually get to a point of leaving. Don't get upset with them, they've stuck around for your antics, be mad at yourself because you CHOSE to make those mistakes over and over and they finally CHOSE to not deal with it anymore. I don't have sympathy for the people who constantly cheat and act a fool when their spouse's finally put their feet down and quit listening to all the excuses.
If you aren't married but keep sleeping with all the wrong people, well, there's a way to change that too. Quit going to bed with people so quickly (men, you too) and/or change the places you hang out to meet people. Picking guys up in the bar isn't the likely place to meet your future husband. Going home with the guy on the first night is not likely to let him believe you are even marriage material. But quit whining that you never seem to find the "right" person when your choices of where and how to get someone never changes.
Now, just so everyone reading this understands, I am guilty of both situations noted above. I've cheated and I've whined because I kept finding all the wrong guys and getting my heart broken. I was married and divorced and then remarried all before I turned 22. I won't go into details but just know that I am married to a man who doesn't put up with my crap. He loves me but he knows me. He knows my past and knows just how things work in my head and he doesn't put up with it. At the same time, though, he trusts me. He knows I've tried really hard to make changes and sees it every day.
Well, because I love my husband, I've changed some things about myself and been working on being a better me. I don't do it just for him, I do it for myself and our kids as well. If I keep making the same choices in my life to do all the things I did before, then I am just asking for the same bad things to happen. I'm still not the perfect wife, I still make mistakes, but after making a mistake I try my hardest not to make that same mistake again.
So, when I see people cheating on their spouse, getting caught and doing it again and getting caught and then the situation at home gets worse, I don't have sympathy for them. Not at all. If I am able to do things differently, anyone can. I've changed the people I talk to, hang out with and tried to only surround myself with people who are of good influence. That alone has been a change. I have people I call on when I feel over stressed or when things aren't going how I want them to, who don't let me take the easy ways out or take the road of a short fix. I call on them because I know they will remind of what a good man I have and will remind me of the problems I would cause if I made certain choices.
It's not the easiest thing because, at times, I don't want to hear certain things. I want my feelings to be validated and someone to tell me I'm right. Well, that was the first best choice I made. To not always go to those who will tell me what I want to hear, but tell me what I NEED to hear. It's not easy and I have to make the conscience decision to do the right thing but my marriage is WORTH every moment of it.
So, to those out there who make these bad choices and keep making them, sorry but don't come here looking for sympathy. If you want a good swift kick in the rear, I'm the right person to come to then. And don't come to me, or go to anyone for help, after the fact, I can't help you there. If you want help then GROW UP, reach out and call someone before you act a fool. You will gain more respect from everyone around you and you will prove your love to those you keep hurting. You will also prove that you are trying to be a better person and spouse by making that conscience decision to put other people's feelings before your own desires... Think about that.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thankful
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. This is always the time of year we begin to think about all the things we are thankful for. When I look around and think about all the things I have, I could list things I am thankful for and be here for days. I've had such a good life, even in the bad times, and am truly thankful for all of it.
I'm thankful that my husband has a job that almost ensures us a paycheck. I'm thankful that paycheck has allowed for me to stay home with our children and for things I like to have. I'm thankful for family and friends that support me. I'm thankful for my children. I'm thankful for ALL of life's everyday blessings.
Like I said, I could be here for days trying to list everything I have to be thankful for. The thing I am MOST thankful for is God's love. I know I still have days when I struggle, but I know he's always there and is keeping me safe and loved. He is the one who has given me all the things I am thankful for. Without Him, my life wouldn't be the same.
What are you thankful for this holiday season?
I'm thankful that my husband has a job that almost ensures us a paycheck. I'm thankful that paycheck has allowed for me to stay home with our children and for things I like to have. I'm thankful for family and friends that support me. I'm thankful for my children. I'm thankful for ALL of life's everyday blessings.
Like I said, I could be here for days trying to list everything I have to be thankful for. The thing I am MOST thankful for is God's love. I know I still have days when I struggle, but I know he's always there and is keeping me safe and loved. He is the one who has given me all the things I am thankful for. Without Him, my life wouldn't be the same.
What are you thankful for this holiday season?
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I Asked for That Already
A little over a year ago was the first REALLY scary moment of being a mom. The day that Adrien fell off a bar stool and passed out. Then, just a few short months ago was another scary day when Darien fell over and hit his head so hard he basically had a seizure. Both events were equally horrifying. They were two of the most scary days I've ever experienced. Well, today I believe I really experience the scariest day of being a mom, thus far.
Jorden has been sick. He's congested and raspy and has been coughing. I took him to his 2 month check-up, just 2 days after being in the ER, and asked his Dr for the medicine to use in a nebulizer. I was told it was unnecessary because the inhaler should do enough. Seeing as how we SHOULD be able to put faith in our medical care, I didn't push the issue. Less than 48 hours later I ended up calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital.
Because I was told he was okay, I went ahead and kept my plans for the night, leaving Jorden with my friends teenage daughter while we all went out. I gave him all his meds, including his inhaler, before we left. I worried the entire time but trusted the doctors assessment of him.
After being out until really late, having some drinks and not getting much sleep I was awoken very early by the sound of Jorden coughing. This coughing wasn't just a simple cough. It was cough after cough with hardly any time between for breathing. After the girl hands him to me I watch as he coughs, not being able to get any breaths in between, causing him to turn blue and then purple pretty quickly. That moment has so far been the scariest moment of being a mom.
I get my husband out there, he takes him and goes to the bathroom for the hot water vapor while I call an ambulance. They get there, check him out and without hesitation tell us they are taking us to the German Children's hospital. I, of course, was okay with this. When we arrive, the doctor swabs his nose and throat to be sure there is no bacteria keeping him from getting better. They also start a breathing treatment while we wait.
After listening to him, doing a thorough check and negative labs for bacteria, she gives us our instructions. We are to give him breathing treatments 3x's a day with a nebulizer. Huh. Exactly what I asked for just the other day. Otherwise not much was said, but it's obviously in his lungs if they are giving me the breathing treatments.
Since getting the meds for the nebulizer and using it, he sounds so much better than he did before. He is raspy but nothing like he was. He is even happier, less fussy and all around just acting like a fairly normal baby. It is pretty sad that I now have more confidence in the German medical care than I do in the military medical care. They've (the American doctors) proven once again that they stink and don't really know what they are talking about.
I'm just sick of them proving this when it's my child's health that is in question.
Jorden has been sick. He's congested and raspy and has been coughing. I took him to his 2 month check-up, just 2 days after being in the ER, and asked his Dr for the medicine to use in a nebulizer. I was told it was unnecessary because the inhaler should do enough. Seeing as how we SHOULD be able to put faith in our medical care, I didn't push the issue. Less than 48 hours later I ended up calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital.
Because I was told he was okay, I went ahead and kept my plans for the night, leaving Jorden with my friends teenage daughter while we all went out. I gave him all his meds, including his inhaler, before we left. I worried the entire time but trusted the doctors assessment of him.
After being out until really late, having some drinks and not getting much sleep I was awoken very early by the sound of Jorden coughing. This coughing wasn't just a simple cough. It was cough after cough with hardly any time between for breathing. After the girl hands him to me I watch as he coughs, not being able to get any breaths in between, causing him to turn blue and then purple pretty quickly. That moment has so far been the scariest moment of being a mom.
I get my husband out there, he takes him and goes to the bathroom for the hot water vapor while I call an ambulance. They get there, check him out and without hesitation tell us they are taking us to the German Children's hospital. I, of course, was okay with this. When we arrive, the doctor swabs his nose and throat to be sure there is no bacteria keeping him from getting better. They also start a breathing treatment while we wait.
After listening to him, doing a thorough check and negative labs for bacteria, she gives us our instructions. We are to give him breathing treatments 3x's a day with a nebulizer. Huh. Exactly what I asked for just the other day. Otherwise not much was said, but it's obviously in his lungs if they are giving me the breathing treatments.
Since getting the meds for the nebulizer and using it, he sounds so much better than he did before. He is raspy but nothing like he was. He is even happier, less fussy and all around just acting like a fairly normal baby. It is pretty sad that I now have more confidence in the German medical care than I do in the military medical care. They've (the American doctors) proven once again that they stink and don't really know what they are talking about.
I'm just sick of them proving this when it's my child's health that is in question.
Friday, November 18, 2011
love and heartbreak
Heart breaks suck. Yup, straight to the point and no working up to that fact. Heart breaks absolutely stink.
I was recently reminded of a time my heart was broken as a teenager. Someone I cared for, more than I should have, tore my heart right out. You wouldn't have known it then, but it did a lot of damage. Though, I knew the circumstances and shouldn't have been hurt by it but I started to really "love" him. I believe that was about the time I quit caring so much about people (guys in particular) so deeply.
Don't get me wrong, I still cared about them, just quit allowing myself to get wrapped up in feelings. It became easier and easier to walk away and let go. I started to use that heart break to remind me of why guys weren't good enough for me. This leading to a couple of years that I couldn't stand to be alone, but also couldn't stay with the same guy for very long.
Now, being reminded of that reminds me of how easy it was for me to fall for someone. How easily I began to care about people. But I also feel like it may be the beginning of why I've closed myself off from people, even those who could be friends.
I feel like I can easily talk to people but it takes A LOT for me to open up and open my heart to people. And, just like that time, most times I end up hurting. Many people have asked me why I don't stop opening up to people. Well, I don't want to be lonely.
If I'd never endured heart break it means that I'd never experienced love. I wouldn't want to go through life not knowing the kind of love that hurts when it's taken away. Family, boyfriends and friends who have broken my heart just goes to show that I've been lucky enough to feel love for many people in my life.
I have no doubt that I will continue to feel heart break for as long as I live. Though, I will forever remember that first real heart break and know that I was truly lucky to experience it.
I was recently reminded of a time my heart was broken as a teenager. Someone I cared for, more than I should have, tore my heart right out. You wouldn't have known it then, but it did a lot of damage. Though, I knew the circumstances and shouldn't have been hurt by it but I started to really "love" him. I believe that was about the time I quit caring so much about people (guys in particular) so deeply.
Don't get me wrong, I still cared about them, just quit allowing myself to get wrapped up in feelings. It became easier and easier to walk away and let go. I started to use that heart break to remind me of why guys weren't good enough for me. This leading to a couple of years that I couldn't stand to be alone, but also couldn't stay with the same guy for very long.
Now, being reminded of that reminds me of how easy it was for me to fall for someone. How easily I began to care about people. But I also feel like it may be the beginning of why I've closed myself off from people, even those who could be friends.
I feel like I can easily talk to people but it takes A LOT for me to open up and open my heart to people. And, just like that time, most times I end up hurting. Many people have asked me why I don't stop opening up to people. Well, I don't want to be lonely.
If I'd never endured heart break it means that I'd never experienced love. I wouldn't want to go through life not knowing the kind of love that hurts when it's taken away. Family, boyfriends and friends who have broken my heart just goes to show that I've been lucky enough to feel love for many people in my life.
I have no doubt that I will continue to feel heart break for as long as I live. Though, I will forever remember that first real heart break and know that I was truly lucky to experience it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)