Mistakes don't bring different outcomes

Ever heard the saying "If you keep doing what you've always done you will keep getting what you always got"? Or even "If you make the same mistake twice, the second time it wasn't a mistake it was a choice"? Well, seems lately these are statements I want to tell MANY people. People seem to do the same things over and over and some how believing the outcome will be better than the last time. I just don't understand it. And most times, they call them "mistakes" yet they continually do the same things.

I'm not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm completely guilty of doing things over and over and expecting different outcomes. I've even made choices to make mistakes more than once, sometimes a handful of times, and still thinking the outcomes should have been different. Well, how can we expect the outcome to be different if we keep doing the same thing? Mistakes or not, people have got to change things in the life if they ever want to go anywhere different.

Cheating on your spouse is a mistake, the FIRST time. After that, you are making a choice to do that same mistake. If you don't want to keep making that mistake, change something. Change the company you keep, change the people you chat with online, change the places you go and change the way you talk to people. If it's something that happens with the influence of alcohol, QUIT drinking.

When your spouse finds out, no one is going to blame them for treating you like crap. And when it's happened more than once, they will eventually get to a point of leaving. Don't get upset with them, they've stuck around for your antics, be mad at yourself because you CHOSE to make those mistakes over and over and they finally CHOSE to not deal with it anymore. I don't have sympathy for the people who constantly cheat and act a fool when their spouse's finally put their feet down and quit listening to all the excuses.

If you aren't married but keep sleeping with all the wrong people, well, there's a way to change that too. Quit going to bed with people so quickly (men, you too) and/or change the places you hang out to meet people. Picking guys up in the bar isn't the likely place to meet your future husband. Going home with the guy on the first night is not likely to let him believe you are even marriage material. But quit whining that you never seem to find the "right" person when your choices of where and how to get someone never changes.

Now, just so everyone reading this understands, I am guilty of both situations noted above. I've cheated and I've whined because I kept finding all the wrong guys and getting my heart broken. I was married and divorced and then remarried all before I turned 22. I won't go into details but just know that I am married to a man who doesn't put up with my crap. He loves me but he knows me. He knows my past and knows just how things work in my head and he doesn't put up with it. At the same time, though, he trusts me. He knows I've tried really hard to make changes and sees it every day.

Well, because I love my husband, I've changed some things about myself and been working on being a better me. I don't do it just for him, I do it for myself and our kids as well. If I keep making the same choices in my life to do all the things I did before, then I am just asking for the same bad things to happen. I'm still not the perfect wife, I still make mistakes, but after making a mistake I try my hardest not to make that same mistake again.

So, when I see people cheating on their spouse, getting caught and doing it again and getting caught and then the situation at home gets worse, I don't have sympathy for them. Not at all. If I am able to do things differently, anyone can. I've changed the people I talk to, hang out with and tried to only surround myself with people who are of good influence. That alone has been a change. I have people I call on when I feel over stressed or when things aren't going how I want them to, who don't let me take the easy ways out or take the road of a short fix. I call on them because I know they will remind of what a good man I have and will remind me of the problems I would cause if I made certain choices.

It's not the easiest thing because, at times, I don't want to hear certain things. I want my feelings to be validated and someone to tell me I'm right. Well, that was the first best choice I made. To not always go to those who will tell me what I want to hear, but tell me what I NEED to hear. It's not easy and I have to make the conscience decision to do the right thing but my marriage is WORTH every moment of it.

So, to those out there who make these bad choices and keep making them, sorry but don't come here looking for sympathy. If you want a good swift kick in the rear, I'm the right person to come to then. And don't come to me, or go to anyone for help, after the fact, I can't help you there. If you want help then GROW UP, reach out and call someone before you act a fool. You will gain more respect from everyone around you and you will prove your love to those you keep hurting. You will also prove that you are trying to be a better person and spouse by making that conscience decision to put other people's feelings before your own desires... Think about that.