Probably shouldn't but do

I've had something on my mind and I want to get it out before the new year. I'm going to really try to make a change in my posts in 2012, posting only positive or motivational stuff. But for now, I need to get this out. I probably shouldn't have this on my mind, but unfortunately, I do.

I'm still friends with some of my exes. Well, probably with more than most people. But keep in mind, this is also including people I wasn't "exclusive" with. I am considering anyone I've had more than a platonic friendship with. And I am also going to be speaking about some that I am not friends with but know what's going in their life because we have mutual friends.

Some things I am just confused about. I know I am not God's gift to men or anything but seriously... I see the women these guys are with, or hear about how they are treated by these women and just don't understand it. I wasn't the greatest girl friend to some of them but there were a few who were treated pretty darn good. Now they are with women who degrade them, cheat on them and just treat them like total crap.

I know this doesn't reflect me or our relationship but it does make me wonder what was so wrong with me that I wasn't wanted more than I was. Did I try TOO hard? Was I not good in bed? Was I just plain dumb? What was it that they didn't like about me but keeps them with these women who are so horrible to them? It's kinda hard not to wonder these things. Especially when they could have had me so completely and chose someone who treated them poorly.

Though, I guess seeing all of this can make me more thankful I am where I am. My marriage isn't perfect but even with the imperfections my husband treats me pretty good. He has his moments when he can be a jerk, but all men do I guess. But 95% of the time he treats me really well.

Even though I have a really good life, it's hard not to question things like this. But I have to try to keep in mind that it must have all been God's plan to get me where I am now. With my husband and our 3 adorable boys! Now I just wish some of these guys would wake up and realize they deserve so much better than what they are allowing themselves.