love and heartbreak

Heart breaks suck. Yup, straight to the point and no working up to that fact. Heart breaks absolutely stink.

I was recently reminded of a time my heart was broken as a teenager. Someone I cared for, more than I should have, tore my heart right out. You wouldn't have known it then, but it did a lot of damage. Though, I knew the circumstances and shouldn't have been hurt by it but I started to really "love" him. I believe that was about the time I quit caring so much about people (guys in particular) so deeply.

Don't get me wrong, I still cared about them, just quit allowing myself to get wrapped up in feelings. It became easier and easier to walk away and let go. I started to use that heart break to remind me of why guys weren't good enough for me. This leading to a couple of years that I couldn't stand to be alone, but also couldn't stay with the same guy for very long.

Now, being reminded of that reminds me of how easy it was for me to fall for someone. How easily I began to care about people. But I also feel like it may be the beginning of why I've closed myself off from people, even those who could be friends.

I feel like I can easily talk to people but it takes A LOT for me to open up and open my heart to people. And, just like that time, most times I end up hurting. Many people have asked me why I don't stop opening up to people. Well, I don't want to be lonely.

If I'd never endured heart break it means that I'd never experienced love. I wouldn't want to go through life not knowing the kind of love that hurts when it's taken away. Family, boyfriends and friends who have broken my heart just goes to show that I've been lucky enough to feel love for many people in my life.

I have no doubt that I will continue to feel heart break for as long as I live. Though, I will forever remember that first real heart break and know that I was truly lucky to experience it.