Life, Unexpected

Before reading this, I have to state that nothing has been "proven" so this is an alleged incident.


Everyone has experienced something in their life that was unexpected and probably changed the course of their life, at least once.  I know I've experienced a lot of unexpected things and each of those things surely changed my life in one way or another.  Though, most of those things were probably very little and almost unnoticeable.  I may not have expected it at that time but it was bound to happen and it turned out just to be God working to get me where I was supposed to end up.

What about those HUGE things that happen, though?  And what if it's something that could be classified as a horrible thing to happen, even if a blessing manages to come out of it?  Well, my family is able to understand this situation, even if we can't answer these questions.

Babies are blessings, gifts from God, no matter how or when they are conceived.  I have always believed this and nothing will change my opinion of that.  God should be praised with every new life, and I will always praise Him for the lives he has given to me when he gave me my children.  But, I will acknowledge that I now understand one very hard and dark consideration that women make.  A consideration that I believed was appropriate in certain circumstances.

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant.  This pregnancy was unexpected, to say the least, and definitely not something that was planned.  As you may remember, my husband deployed in February.  So, any person able to do math (and know the actual gestation length/times) would easily figure out that this pregnancy occurred after he was gone.  And yes, it certainly did.  However, I will make one thing VERY clear:  I was NOT {willingly} unfaithful to my husband.

Unfortunately it appears as though I trusted the wrong person and allowed myself to be in a situation that another man apparently thought it was okay to take advantage.  This person was someone we all thought of as family to us, so to say it was unexpected in an understatement.  I still, even 6 months later, can't believe that this person betrayed me (and my entire family) the way he did.

As much as I could go on about that, that is not the point of me writing.  It happened, it sucks and will now have a blessing added to our family.  Another child.  I considered having an abortion when I first found out.  It was what I thought I would do in this situation, and completely believed it was an acceptable answer.  I didn't ask for this, it wasn't me choosing to lay down with a man, this was essentially rape.  And in that case, I could understand someone choosing abortion.  So, I looked into it and got all the information I could.  At the same time, I prayed.  Asked God what to do.  I did blame myself because I could have done so much different and it was my own fault I was in that position, so in a way I felt like I was being punished for drinking or something.  Though, what I quickly realized, my fault or not, this baby wasn't at fault.  They didn't ask to be conceived.  Why would I kill someone that had no blame?  And my entire opinion changed and I came to find that I don't believe that even in cases of rape/assault that abortion is an acceptable decision.

I also considered adoption.  Talked to families and even had the one family I would have adopted to right then.  But, pregnancy takes a while so I had time to really consider everything.  My feelings, my husbands feelings my kids' feelings, the rest of our family's feelings and what this child would possibly feel.  After discussing things with close friends, family and my husband, I decided that adoption just wasn't right for me.  Yes, raising this child is going to be a challenge in ways, but he's my child.  No matter how it happened, it did happen and I needed to look at the blessing of it, not the wrong that was done. 

I have 3 children, all boys!  Well, in less than 8 weeks we will add another little man to love!  It was unexpected, and very hard to make decisions about what to do but even with all of the things that have come from this, I know I am blessed!

I have an amazing husband who has stood by me through everything.  He's understood my feelings and been a rock through it all.  My kids are too young to understand but are sure excited to have another brother!  And although I know that our hard road isn't over, I know our road to an amazing life has still only just begun!

It's not easy and this pregnancy has definitely been a rough one.  I am currently on bed rest (will post about that later) and will be until the end as of right now.  I had my appendix removed at  17 weeks along and just everything seems to make this a rough go for me.  But, today I saw this little boy on ultrasound and it reminded me just how awesome life is!  And whatever it takes to make sure this baby is born happy, healthy and when he is a little bit bigger, I will do!  I already love him :)  He's part of my life, unexpected.