As a mom and wife, I am constantly hearing "advice" from other people about how to parent my children or on my marriage. Now, there are times I seek advice from people. Either because they have older kids or I know they have gone through similar things or because they are simply someone I trust to give me Godly parenting/marriage advice. Though, there are times I get advice when it's not asked for, and by people with no children or who have never been married. Though, this really goes for any kind of advice. People who have never been divorced giving divorce advice, someone who has never been in the military giving advice about military service... whatever the case is, it bothers me when people give unsolicited advice just because they think they know better than me.
Why does it bother me? Well, first I didn't ask for it. If I need help, or if I feel inadequate in a specific area of parenting or life, I will reach out to someone I trust for what I need. If I did not ask you for the advice, there is likely a reason for that. Mostly it's probably just because I do not need the help. I am definitely not a pro at this but I know myself, my family and the needs of my family better than anyone else does.
Now, getting advice from someone who doesn't have kids REALLY bugs me. Mainly because they don't have kids. How can they seriously give me parenting advice if they don't have parenting experience. And I am sorry, but younger siblings and babysitting does NOT count for experience. I used to babysit A LOT and it is vastly different than having my own children. So, when someone who has no real clue tries to tell me how to parent my children, I do get very frustrated. The kids I babysat were given back to their parents after a few hours. Yes, I spent a great deal of time around small kids as a teenager, but nothing ever equated to being an actual parent. I can't depend on another person to take over responsibility of my kids. Even younger siblings do not give you a full sense of parenting because there is a parent that cares for them (unless the parent is really just that useless). Until your life, 24/7, revolves around the care, concern and welfare of a child that has no one else that takes care of at least 50% of their care, you do NOT know what it's like to be a parent and should not be giving unsolicited advice to people who are parents.
I always told myself I wouldn't be like my mom. I would choose the punishments she chose, I wouldn't yell at my kids, I won't spank my kids, I won't ever do anything that my mom did to me. Not ever. I had the idea of the kind of parent I would be, what punishments I would use and how I would treat my kids. Ha. My "idea" is far from what my reality is. I do spank, rarely but it happens. I yell from time to time. I even say the exact same phrases my mom used to use. So, when I punish my kids, I don't want advice from someone who doesn't have kids about how bad that punishment is or how stupid it may be. I have to decide punishments based on the behavior, the current situation and other factors that people may not know about in the moment. I wish I had the time to come up with awesome and creative punishments, but sometimes life just doesn't allow for that. Sometimes I have to think quick on my feet and still keep moving. That means some punishments will be simple while others are more harsh. I will likely use punishments others think are stupid or too easy/too mean. But, until you are the one raising my kids or unless I come asking specific advice, please don't critique what I choose to do as a parent... Whether it is punishment, rewards or whatever. I have actually been told once that I should not reward my kids a certain way. Why not? They are my kids. They deserved a reward. What is wrong with what I chose? The way I see it is... if I am not doing anything illegal or harmful, what is so wrong with my choice of rewards? If I am harming them, please do call me on that. But, unless you think my kids are in danger from what I am doing, then is what I am doing really all that bad?
The same with getting advice on my marriage from someone who has never been married. Marriage is far different from dating or simply living together, and anyone who argues this point definitely doesn't get it enough to give advice anyway. Yes, a lot of aspects are the same but marriage IS different and should definitely be treated differently than dating. When you are just dating a person, when things go wrong it can be easy to just end things and walk away from it. There is no reason to really fight for the relationship, unless you want to. Same as living together. Yes, you care for each other and probably don't "want" to end it, but it's much easier to walk away. However, marriage is very different. Marriage is when you vow your life to another person, when you vow that death would be the only thing that will separate you. The first time I took vows, I treated them like they were just another sentence. However, I am not that same girl and I now take those vows very seriously. So, hearing advice to just end it simply because we hit a rough patch in our relationship, and from someone who has never been married, infuriates me. I am not a perfect wife, and I do not have the perfect husband... and there are times we get irritated with each other... we've both made some pretty huge mistakes in our marriage... we've both hit points of wanting to end it... we've been through some really rough things... but walking away is too easy. Walking away is the weaker choice. Walking away just isn't what we should do. We should fight for our marriage. It isn't easy, but it's not supposed to be. I love him and I am pretty sure he loves me. That is what matters!
Ok, I think I am done with that bit of a rant... But really. I will ask for advice if I need it. And you will know when I am asking because I will specifically state that I need advice. I know I need help once in a while, so I do ask for it. Please just wait patiently until that happens!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
New Year, New Beginnings
Today is the last day of 2013. The year has sure flown by, seems each year goes quicker and quicker. And as we bring the year to it's closing, I look back and feel extremely blessed! I won't say it's been the best year of my life but it has definitely been a year of growth and maturation.
I don't think I have a "best" year of my life. Every year has it's up and downs, just some years had more than others. Just as some years the downs won my emotions more than the ups did, it happens. However, this year I feel that there were more ups than downs and that I handled the downs much better than in previous years.
2013 in reflection:
We made a second international move from Germany to Illinois.
We got to visit family in VA, NC and FL for the first time in years.
We found a wonderful new church and church family.
I finally started attending CR and made 6 months sobriety from the habit I went there for (it's really more than that but I am only counting from the time I actually started attending).
I've met and began friendships with some pretty amazing women!
I have more confidence than I ever had before.
My marriage is the strongest it's ever been.
I am still taking college classes, and doing very well!
I've learned a lot about myself, my family and the people I've surrounded myself with.
I've learned better ways to cope with stress.
I've learned to take responsibility for myself and my actions.
Jorden and Jonathen have both given us serious health scares.
I've grown as a mom, a woman, a friend and a Christian!
There really is so much that has happened this year, many very small things, that have helped me grow in maturity and spirituality.
To me, each new year is a new beginning for personal and spiritual growth. Each new year is a beginning for me to continue changing my life for the better.
So, I have stopped making New Years resolutions. Really, who ever sticks to them anyway? I never have. I have made so many resolutions and get through, maybe, a few weeks and it's over. I stopped making resolutions years ago, because I knew it was nothing more than a broken promise to myself.
Instead of a resolution, I will make a vow. A vow to continue growing and seeking God in everything that I do. A vow to try harder to be a better follower of Christ. I am not perfect and I know I will still make mistakes. But as long as I am trying and as long as my heart is truly seeking God, then I know I am doing the best I can!
If I focus on God and His will for my life, each year can only get better and better! So, I reflect on 2013 with a smile knowing that I have had a wonderful year despite the hardships. And I look forward to 2014 with hope because I know God is in my life!
I don't think I have a "best" year of my life. Every year has it's up and downs, just some years had more than others. Just as some years the downs won my emotions more than the ups did, it happens. However, this year I feel that there were more ups than downs and that I handled the downs much better than in previous years.
2013 in reflection:
We made a second international move from Germany to Illinois.
We got to visit family in VA, NC and FL for the first time in years.
We found a wonderful new church and church family.
I finally started attending CR and made 6 months sobriety from the habit I went there for (it's really more than that but I am only counting from the time I actually started attending).
I've met and began friendships with some pretty amazing women!
I have more confidence than I ever had before.
My marriage is the strongest it's ever been.
I am still taking college classes, and doing very well!
I've learned a lot about myself, my family and the people I've surrounded myself with.
I've learned better ways to cope with stress.
I've learned to take responsibility for myself and my actions.
Jorden and Jonathen have both given us serious health scares.
I've grown as a mom, a woman, a friend and a Christian!
There really is so much that has happened this year, many very small things, that have helped me grow in maturity and spirituality.
To me, each new year is a new beginning for personal and spiritual growth. Each new year is a beginning for me to continue changing my life for the better.
So, I have stopped making New Years resolutions. Really, who ever sticks to them anyway? I never have. I have made so many resolutions and get through, maybe, a few weeks and it's over. I stopped making resolutions years ago, because I knew it was nothing more than a broken promise to myself.
Instead of a resolution, I will make a vow. A vow to continue growing and seeking God in everything that I do. A vow to try harder to be a better follower of Christ. I am not perfect and I know I will still make mistakes. But as long as I am trying and as long as my heart is truly seeking God, then I know I am doing the best I can!
If I focus on God and His will for my life, each year can only get better and better! So, I reflect on 2013 with a smile knowing that I have had a wonderful year despite the hardships. And I look forward to 2014 with hope because I know God is in my life!
Monday, December 30, 2013
I'm Not Their Dictator
I remember walking around the grocery store, hearing people's kids having massive fits and being total brats. Why on earth weren't these people controlling their kids? Make them shut up already, dang. It was so rude that people would bring their kids to a place like that and ruin the grocery store trip for everyone in the store.
"If I ever have kids, they sure won't act like that, especially not in public" I remember saying to myself. And if I did ever have a kid who thought to act a fool like that, I would beat their bottom. Yep, that was the kind of mom I was going to be, IF I ever became a mom. I didn't even want kids, so it was a major IF for me.
So, for those of you who know me and my kids, you know that I didn't exactly turn out to be THAT mom. Now, don't get me wrong. My kids are very well behaved and respectful. However, they have bad days. There are times I am the mom I hated in the grocery stores. My kids get upset, they have fits and I let them. Shoot, there are times I have even left them laying on the floor and walked to the next isle and let them stay behind.
I don't "control" my kids. I have a relationship with them. They are disciplined and have boundaries but I am not a dictator. I figure, they are people just like I am. They need to learn how to think for themselves and how to act even when someone isn't there telling them how to act. They can't learn that if they are constantly bogged down with rules and discipline. Plus, they are just kids. I want them to enjoy being kids while they can. Life passes too quickly not to enjoy it.
My kids have feelings and emotions just like anyone else does. I try to teach them appropriate ways of dealing with it all. They lose their cool and have bad days just like anyone else does. I just try to teach them acceptable behaviors.
We give them options. We can't always be around to choose things for them, so they need to learn to choose things for themselves. I don't want to be the mom of a 20 year old boy that can't make decisions for himself.
I want them to learn that there are consequences to those choices, good and bad. I can easily make the right choices for them, but they should know how to do that for themselves. Plus, they have to know that when they make bad choices that there are consequences to that. But I also want them to enjoy the outcome of good choices and to see the reward in that!
So, now, I kick myself for the thoughts I had about those parents in the grocery stores. I completely understand it now and wish I hadn't been so quick to judge them. Because no parent can have complete and total control of their kids, and they shouldn't. Because no child is perfect, so there will be bad days. And I am honestly glad for that. I love that my kids are all so different, with amazing little personalities and do not act like others want them to. They are their own people, they are blessings.
I wake up knowing that I have four blessings that need direction, discipline, and most of all, love! They are definitely loved, A LOT!!! I may not have had this plan for myself, but I LOVE that God's plan involved me being a mom and teaching me the lessons that can only be learned from being a mom!
"If I ever have kids, they sure won't act like that, especially not in public" I remember saying to myself. And if I did ever have a kid who thought to act a fool like that, I would beat their bottom. Yep, that was the kind of mom I was going to be, IF I ever became a mom. I didn't even want kids, so it was a major IF for me.
So, for those of you who know me and my kids, you know that I didn't exactly turn out to be THAT mom. Now, don't get me wrong. My kids are very well behaved and respectful. However, they have bad days. There are times I am the mom I hated in the grocery stores. My kids get upset, they have fits and I let them. Shoot, there are times I have even left them laying on the floor and walked to the next isle and let them stay behind.
I don't "control" my kids. I have a relationship with them. They are disciplined and have boundaries but I am not a dictator. I figure, they are people just like I am. They need to learn how to think for themselves and how to act even when someone isn't there telling them how to act. They can't learn that if they are constantly bogged down with rules and discipline. Plus, they are just kids. I want them to enjoy being kids while they can. Life passes too quickly not to enjoy it.
My kids have feelings and emotions just like anyone else does. I try to teach them appropriate ways of dealing with it all. They lose their cool and have bad days just like anyone else does. I just try to teach them acceptable behaviors.
We give them options. We can't always be around to choose things for them, so they need to learn to choose things for themselves. I don't want to be the mom of a 20 year old boy that can't make decisions for himself.
I want them to learn that there are consequences to those choices, good and bad. I can easily make the right choices for them, but they should know how to do that for themselves. Plus, they have to know that when they make bad choices that there are consequences to that. But I also want them to enjoy the outcome of good choices and to see the reward in that!
So, now, I kick myself for the thoughts I had about those parents in the grocery stores. I completely understand it now and wish I hadn't been so quick to judge them. Because no parent can have complete and total control of their kids, and they shouldn't. Because no child is perfect, so there will be bad days. And I am honestly glad for that. I love that my kids are all so different, with amazing little personalities and do not act like others want them to. They are their own people, they are blessings.
I wake up knowing that I have four blessings that need direction, discipline, and most of all, love! They are definitely loved, A LOT!!! I may not have had this plan for myself, but I LOVE that God's plan involved me being a mom and teaching me the lessons that can only be learned from being a mom!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
That Moment, LOVE.
Last night at dinner I was asked about the moment that I knew I was in love with Filip. And honestly, my answer surprised even me. Without thinking about it, I could say that it was love at first sight or make up any number of "magical" moments when I felt THAT moment. However, most of it would be romantic dreaming and exaggerating the feelings I didn't have.
When we met, we clicked immediately. It felt as if I had known him for years. We got a long well and the chemistry was intense. We immediately liked each other, well, at least I liked him. Though, being honest, most of that was sexual. I was at a time in my life that I didn't even love myself, how could I have possibly loved him? But, I sure thought I was in love.
As time progressed and we spent more and more time together, I grew to like him a lot. So much so that I honestly thought I loved him. So, when I got pregnant, it wasn't the worst thing life had ever happened to me. Though, I was upset because I never had any intention of spending my life with him. I still planned to move back to Florida, because I just wasn't all-in for a relationship with him. But, the pregnancy changed a lot of things, and it made me want to give a relationship with him a chance.
It wasn't long before we got married. I would have considered marrying him if I hadn't been pregnant, though I can't honestly say for sure if I would have. I fooled myself into believing it must be love if I would even think about it. So, I was a newlywed woman, pregnant and acting as if I was with the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I did have love for him, but I definitely was not IN love with him. We really were just good friends, as far as I was concerned.
I thought that having kids would make my feelings deeper. Though, after our second child I quickly realized that I was very wrong. I didn't love him any more than before just because I had kids with him. I was actually feeling further away from him. I felt as if we were growing apart because of the kids. And I believe that these feelings, the lack of true love and feeling like we were growing apart, was what led me to be a foolish idiot.
A separation, an affair and thousands of miles now separated our marriage. I wanted to end it. I just couldn't imagine continuing life with a man I didn't have those feelings for. However, the man I had the affair with reminded me of all the jerks that I went through. Not all the guys I knew/dated were jerks, but the majority were, especially this guy. He reminded me of how truly amazing Filip was. Oh no. What had I done? I was about to lose the one thing that was ever really good in my life. Though, I still wasn't sure if I really loved Filip or if it was the love of an idea.
Well, after I confessed my affair, I knew it was over. My heart sank and I was completely prepared for the end of my marriage. And honestly, I think part of me wanted it as the "easy" way out of everything I was feeling. But God, and Filip, apparently had other plans.
Filip told me he had to go to Paris for a training thing. He had mentioned it once before, so it wasn't something I really questioned. So, preparing for a week of not hearing from him and now having to worry about to real state of our marriage, I talked myself into looking forward to divorced life. Man, what a mess it was.
A few nights later my phone rings. It's Filip. I was about to scream at him for making an international call like that because it was going to be insanely expensive using his phone in a different country. But, before I could say much, he told me to look outside. He was there. He showed up at my friends house to surprise me. I was excited, nervous and worried about what this could possibly mean.
To my surprise, though, he was there to take me home with him. I still remember the speech he gave me. First, a few things are important to know... I LOVE dolphins, prefer gold over silver and my wedding ring had been broken for 2 years and I hadn't worn it for about that long. I had also decided that I needed to turn my life over to God, FOR REAL this time, so I was going to attempt a new path.
So... first I got a rose. With the rose came a box. The box held a necklace with a charm of two dolphins, one gold and one silver, that came together and made a heart. Filip said that it symbolized how two completely different people can come together and create love.
Then another box. In this box was another necklace, with a cross charm. He said that this was to symbolize the new found faith I had. He also got himself a similar one, so that we both had this new faith.
Third was another box. This one held my ring. He had gotten it fixed before arriving. He said that the ring was a symbol of how anything that is broken can be fixed and made new.
And there is was... THAT MOMENT... The moment I knew, 200%, without a doubt, with every fiber of my being, that I not only loved the man standing there, but that I was completely and utterly IN LOVE with him.
So, when he held out the ring and asked me to marry him again, I didn't hesitate in saying yes! Because it was there. It was really there. A feeling that I had never felt before, not ever. I was finally feeling something that was unlike anything I've ever felt, and seeing this man I'd lived with for years in a completely new light. It was an amazing experience, and one I will remember forever.
So, when I thought about the question of when I KNEW that I was in love, it kinda surprised me that it was over 4 years into our marriage. Though, at the same time, it didn't really surprise me. For a long time I didn't even love myself. It took me years to truly find the love for myself that was needed to be able to love others. Though, that only came from God.
Honestly, I didn't mean for this to turn that way, but it was only because of God and deciding to truly go on blind faith for God that enabled me to love myself, and anyone else. It was when I asked God to lead the way that I woke up to those new feelings. It wasn't until His light was in my heart that I knew what true love really felt like. It was because of His love that I was open to the love of others, and able to truly share my love with others. I owe all the glory to God. I owe my happy marriage, the love for my husband and the love for myself only to God!!!
When we met, we clicked immediately. It felt as if I had known him for years. We got a long well and the chemistry was intense. We immediately liked each other, well, at least I liked him. Though, being honest, most of that was sexual. I was at a time in my life that I didn't even love myself, how could I have possibly loved him? But, I sure thought I was in love.
As time progressed and we spent more and more time together, I grew to like him a lot. So much so that I honestly thought I loved him. So, when I got pregnant, it wasn't the worst thing life had ever happened to me. Though, I was upset because I never had any intention of spending my life with him. I still planned to move back to Florida, because I just wasn't all-in for a relationship with him. But, the pregnancy changed a lot of things, and it made me want to give a relationship with him a chance.
It wasn't long before we got married. I would have considered marrying him if I hadn't been pregnant, though I can't honestly say for sure if I would have. I fooled myself into believing it must be love if I would even think about it. So, I was a newlywed woman, pregnant and acting as if I was with the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I did have love for him, but I definitely was not IN love with him. We really were just good friends, as far as I was concerned.
I thought that having kids would make my feelings deeper. Though, after our second child I quickly realized that I was very wrong. I didn't love him any more than before just because I had kids with him. I was actually feeling further away from him. I felt as if we were growing apart because of the kids. And I believe that these feelings, the lack of true love and feeling like we were growing apart, was what led me to be a foolish idiot.
A separation, an affair and thousands of miles now separated our marriage. I wanted to end it. I just couldn't imagine continuing life with a man I didn't have those feelings for. However, the man I had the affair with reminded me of all the jerks that I went through. Not all the guys I knew/dated were jerks, but the majority were, especially this guy. He reminded me of how truly amazing Filip was. Oh no. What had I done? I was about to lose the one thing that was ever really good in my life. Though, I still wasn't sure if I really loved Filip or if it was the love of an idea.
Well, after I confessed my affair, I knew it was over. My heart sank and I was completely prepared for the end of my marriage. And honestly, I think part of me wanted it as the "easy" way out of everything I was feeling. But God, and Filip, apparently had other plans.
Filip told me he had to go to Paris for a training thing. He had mentioned it once before, so it wasn't something I really questioned. So, preparing for a week of not hearing from him and now having to worry about to real state of our marriage, I talked myself into looking forward to divorced life. Man, what a mess it was.
A few nights later my phone rings. It's Filip. I was about to scream at him for making an international call like that because it was going to be insanely expensive using his phone in a different country. But, before I could say much, he told me to look outside. He was there. He showed up at my friends house to surprise me. I was excited, nervous and worried about what this could possibly mean.
To my surprise, though, he was there to take me home with him. I still remember the speech he gave me. First, a few things are important to know... I LOVE dolphins, prefer gold over silver and my wedding ring had been broken for 2 years and I hadn't worn it for about that long. I had also decided that I needed to turn my life over to God, FOR REAL this time, so I was going to attempt a new path.
So... first I got a rose. With the rose came a box. The box held a necklace with a charm of two dolphins, one gold and one silver, that came together and made a heart. Filip said that it symbolized how two completely different people can come together and create love.
Then another box. In this box was another necklace, with a cross charm. He said that this was to symbolize the new found faith I had. He also got himself a similar one, so that we both had this new faith.
Third was another box. This one held my ring. He had gotten it fixed before arriving. He said that the ring was a symbol of how anything that is broken can be fixed and made new.
And there is was... THAT MOMENT... The moment I knew, 200%, without a doubt, with every fiber of my being, that I not only loved the man standing there, but that I was completely and utterly IN LOVE with him.
So, when he held out the ring and asked me to marry him again, I didn't hesitate in saying yes! Because it was there. It was really there. A feeling that I had never felt before, not ever. I was finally feeling something that was unlike anything I've ever felt, and seeing this man I'd lived with for years in a completely new light. It was an amazing experience, and one I will remember forever.
So, when I thought about the question of when I KNEW that I was in love, it kinda surprised me that it was over 4 years into our marriage. Though, at the same time, it didn't really surprise me. For a long time I didn't even love myself. It took me years to truly find the love for myself that was needed to be able to love others. Though, that only came from God.
Honestly, I didn't mean for this to turn that way, but it was only because of God and deciding to truly go on blind faith for God that enabled me to love myself, and anyone else. It was when I asked God to lead the way that I woke up to those new feelings. It wasn't until His light was in my heart that I knew what true love really felt like. It was because of His love that I was open to the love of others, and able to truly share my love with others. I owe all the glory to God. I owe my happy marriage, the love for my husband and the love for myself only to God!!!
Faith is more than belief, it is OBEDIENCE!
Growing up I heard all about God and the Bible. I even heard stories that were told as Bible stories that do not exist within the Bible. However, I did grow up believing in God. Believing that God sent His son, Jesus, to die as our savior. I believed in it all. But, I never really understood what it meant to have faith. I am learning a lot now as I walk closer to God and following the word.
Tonight's sermon touched on the meaning of faith. I love that the pastor said that faith isn't just believing, it's about being obedient. You can say you believe the Word, you can talk all day about what you know, but do you obey it? You can listen to the Word, you can listen to people tell you stories and you can read the Bible all day long. But do you search for meaning, do you live your life in God's honor, pleasing Him and following His commands?
If you don't follow the commands, how do you prove your belief in His word? It is foolish to know what is taught and not want to follow it.
Matthew 7:24-27 (NLT) says: Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock, Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn't obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.
As our sermon said, this has multiple meanings. Life has storms. Trust me, I have been through some crazy hurricanes of life. However, if you have a solid faith that includes truly living your life by God's commands, you will stay strong and be able to beat the storms. However, if you waver in faith or choose not to follow His commands, you will find the walls closing in on you during the storms.
Look at the storms that my life has been through. There are many times the walls closed in on me. My faith was non-existent and I was not strong enough. That was how drugs and alcohol won me over. It's how alcohol, sex and depression was the controlling factors of my life. It's the reason I lost control and was off my rocker. I had no real faith. I believed in God, I believed in all I had heard about Him. I just didn't want to follow His commands. But, by not obeying, I was showing disbelief. I was showing that I believed my flesh more than I believed Him.
Now look. I've weathered some insane storms in my life since I have started to seriously relinquish my control over to God. God never promised there wouldn't be storms, He only says that we can get through them. And I have. One of the worst storms of my life had the power to tear my entire life to pieces, but it didn't. It didn't because I obeyed. I followed what I believed was God's commands for me and I was blessed by a stronger marriage, an amazing support group that helps keep me focused on my walk with Christ and I am much happier and content with life that I've ever been! That doesn't come just from believing, that has only come from my obedience!
So, if you say you believe but don't truly follow His word, then you are only telling the world that you don't really believe. Because a true believer wants to follow His commands and wants to obey because it is what we are instructed to do. We don't get to Heaven simply because we believe, we get to Heaven by being obedient. I am choosing obedience!
Tonight's sermon touched on the meaning of faith. I love that the pastor said that faith isn't just believing, it's about being obedient. You can say you believe the Word, you can talk all day about what you know, but do you obey it? You can listen to the Word, you can listen to people tell you stories and you can read the Bible all day long. But do you search for meaning, do you live your life in God's honor, pleasing Him and following His commands?
If you don't follow the commands, how do you prove your belief in His word? It is foolish to know what is taught and not want to follow it.
Matthew 7:24-27 (NLT) says: Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock, Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn't obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.
As our sermon said, this has multiple meanings. Life has storms. Trust me, I have been through some crazy hurricanes of life. However, if you have a solid faith that includes truly living your life by God's commands, you will stay strong and be able to beat the storms. However, if you waver in faith or choose not to follow His commands, you will find the walls closing in on you during the storms.
Look at the storms that my life has been through. There are many times the walls closed in on me. My faith was non-existent and I was not strong enough. That was how drugs and alcohol won me over. It's how alcohol, sex and depression was the controlling factors of my life. It's the reason I lost control and was off my rocker. I had no real faith. I believed in God, I believed in all I had heard about Him. I just didn't want to follow His commands. But, by not obeying, I was showing disbelief. I was showing that I believed my flesh more than I believed Him.
Now look. I've weathered some insane storms in my life since I have started to seriously relinquish my control over to God. God never promised there wouldn't be storms, He only says that we can get through them. And I have. One of the worst storms of my life had the power to tear my entire life to pieces, but it didn't. It didn't because I obeyed. I followed what I believed was God's commands for me and I was blessed by a stronger marriage, an amazing support group that helps keep me focused on my walk with Christ and I am much happier and content with life that I've ever been! That doesn't come just from believing, that has only come from my obedience!
So, if you say you believe but don't truly follow His word, then you are only telling the world that you don't really believe. Because a true believer wants to follow His commands and wants to obey because it is what we are instructed to do. We don't get to Heaven simply because we believe, we get to Heaven by being obedient. I am choosing obedience!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
My Education for Their Education
As most of you are already aware, I am a full time college student!!! I've been taking classes on and off over the last couple years and I am finally well over half done with my degree! I changed my major three times and added a minor! I am now set in as an Education major with a Sociology minor. I am so excited to see what lies ahead for me by obtaining my degree!!!
School hasn't been easy. Trying to balance my time between a husband, four kids, two dogs, a house, school and still managing to have my own time and honoring God in everything has been tough. I know I have failed at times, but I believe that God knows my heart and is forgiving of my flawed efforts.
Through the difficulties, I've managed to hold a GPA of 3.83! That is pretty amazing to me! I have surprised myself and feel very proud of myself! Though, I know that I would be able to do any of this without Christ in my life! So, I thank Him daily for the blessing of education!
But why is my education so important? Because the education of my children, and all children, is of the utmost importance. They are the future of our world and should have the best educators they can get! Plus, children deserve the best and I will continue to strive to be the best I can be for the children I will eventually teach!
Come January I will begin teaching my own son, who is in kindergarten, in home school. How can I give him the best possible education if I am not educated myself? I can't. I know that I will learn even more through teaching him, and I welcome all the learning I can get before standing in a classroom full of students that will be depending on me to teach them.
I fell that my education is important to better their education. I hope to never stop learning and that what I learn can be used to be the best teacher I can be for the students of the future!
School hasn't been easy. Trying to balance my time between a husband, four kids, two dogs, a house, school and still managing to have my own time and honoring God in everything has been tough. I know I have failed at times, but I believe that God knows my heart and is forgiving of my flawed efforts.
Through the difficulties, I've managed to hold a GPA of 3.83! That is pretty amazing to me! I have surprised myself and feel very proud of myself! Though, I know that I would be able to do any of this without Christ in my life! So, I thank Him daily for the blessing of education!
But why is my education so important? Because the education of my children, and all children, is of the utmost importance. They are the future of our world and should have the best educators they can get! Plus, children deserve the best and I will continue to strive to be the best I can be for the children I will eventually teach!
Come January I will begin teaching my own son, who is in kindergarten, in home school. How can I give him the best possible education if I am not educated myself? I can't. I know that I will learn even more through teaching him, and I welcome all the learning I can get before standing in a classroom full of students that will be depending on me to teach them.
I fell that my education is important to better their education. I hope to never stop learning and that what I learn can be used to be the best teacher I can be for the students of the future!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
AH!!! My marriage!
I love it when I get inspired!!! There is a "game" going around facebook; people post a number of facts about their marriage and if you "like" their status, they give you a number for you to post facts about your marriage. It recently took part in this and realized just how amazing my marriage is!!! And after talking to a friend about it, I am even more amazed at how awesome my husband and I are together!!!
Our story starts in a bar. I was married and he had just gotten divorced. Heck, the first nine months of us knowing each other consisted of lots of alcohol and parties... and sex. It was one hot mess of a relationship, if you even want to call it that. People even told us we were doomed, and honestly, we were. How could a relationship work when it started on such terms? Good, solid marriages begin on a strong foundation of friendship, not alcohol and sex.
Add to it that we had children very quickly. Less than nine months after meeting each other I got pregnant. We weren't married yet, but here comes a baby. So, of course marriage quickly followed. Now add that I was unemployed and our bills definitely outweighed our income. He had to sell his house and we were living paycheck to paycheck for quite a while.
Then, a move to another country with 2 babies. I became depressed and started "acting out". The stresses of living overseas, not being able to see family and just feeling so alone began to eat at me. Then, just when we think things are good, I get to go see family and BOOM... Satan attacks and wins. Whew...
I wanted to leave the marriage... 2 kids just weren't enough to make me stay in it. I wanted to be back in Florida and was willing to lose my marriage for that. Then, I had an affair. Yep, I did. Hey, what did it matter, I was leaving the marriage anyway so it wasn't like I was pretending to be a good wife and doing it... at least, that was my rational. Though, even that didn't end us. We still came back together.
Now... things were getting better (at least I thought they were). I was pregnant with our third child and we were finally getting back to our normal! My hormones were a little out of whack during the pregnancy, but otherwise I thought things were pretty swell!
And little issues here and there came up but for the most part, things were going GREAT!!! I had finally gotten to a place I felt like I was in control of my issues and I was being open and honest with Fil about EVERYTHING! Even when I thought he might get mad, I told him when I was struggling or having an issue. I stopped letting my own crap get in the way of us being happy together!
Then, just as I really thought things were perfect, I got raped and became pregnant. Now, definitely the thing that was going to end us happened. Our marriage was certainly over now. And it wasn't even something I did, or he did, by choice. It was stupidity on my part, definitely, but I was going to lose my marriage after everything else because someone took advantage of my stupidity. Wonderful.
And for a while, I did believe we were over. He didn't like me, he was disgusted by me. And really, I didn't blame him. I hated it, but I couldn't fault him for feeling that way. It just hurt. But slowly, we began to get better. Little by little that dislike and disgust faded. We were finally more than just roommates, we were becoming friends again. Then, lovers again. And before I knew it, we were doing better than we'd ever done before.
Then, BOOM... I find out some things that he had kept from me...
Haven't we been through enough? That was all I could think. And for a few days, I just wanted to leave, to give up. It seemed like it would be so much easier to just walk away and stop hurting than to face all of our issues AGAIN and keep going... but... I couldn't leave. There is just something about this man that made me stay.
And now... here we are... FINALLY. After all those struggles and trials. After our marriage has been put through the ringer. After we've both messed up and hurt each other. After we both woke up and realized how important we are to each other. And we are seriously much stronger than I ever imagined we could be.
He is seriously my best friend, and he says I am his only friend. Is it perfect, No. But I don't think we'd be as close and strong if things were perfect. Our imperfections have caused us to bond and build stronger together. We've weathered storms that have sank other relationships. We have seriously stayed together through things that would tear the strongest of couples apart, and at a time we weren't all that strong to begin with.
But how? How did we get through all of that and still come out loving each other? How did we manage to stay in a relationship when so much hurt happened on an already faulty foundation of a relationship? Well, GOD! God is the ONLY reason. Yes, we fought for it, but we fought for it with God. If we hadn't turned to God in those times, things would have only gotten worse, and it would have ended us. But I am so thankful for God being there and taking control, even after we both pushed him out for so long.
People think that him staying is because he is too weak to leave and that raising Jonathen is the stupidest thing he's ever done. Some say he deserves better than me and that he would probably be happier without me. And some people still think that we are doomed and it's only a matter of time before we fall apart, though it's probably more wishful thinking.
Well, keep wishing or find a new wish. I can't say whether or not he'd be happier without me. I'd like to think he wouldn't be, but I don't know that. However, I would have the kids and I know that he definitely would NOT be happier without his kids. So, for anyone who thinks that obviously doesn't know him well, because they would know he would be miserable without his boys.
And he does deserve better than me. I admit that. I have faults, I have done crappy things and I didn't deserve his forgiveness. But he deserves a woman who, even with her faults, fights for him. I do that. He deserves a woman who loves him. I love him more than I can put into words. He deserves a woman who will do what she can to make him happy. I haven't always been THAT person, but I now live to make him happy. He deserves better, but I am trying to be the woman that deserves him.
As far as him being weak and stupid for not leaving and raising Jonathen - all I can say is people that believe that obviously do not know the strength it takes to work through the things we've worked through. Fil is far from weak, he is the strongest man I've ever met. And raising Jonathen is one of the kindest, most selfless things a person could do. It may seem stupid to people who don't understand, but Fil made a decision that not everyone would be able to do. And it really speaks to the love he has in him, as well as speaks to how powerful and might God is when we allow His work in us!
I was blessed the moment Fil entered my life. I want to spend the rest of my life being the wife God called me to be, to the man that God obviously made just for me! We may not have had the easiest first few years but I know that the trials have made us stronger and closer! And 40 years from now, I really hope that people see us together and ask HOW we made it. I want to be that gross old couple that make people vomit because we love each other so much! And I know that we can be!!! And to me, that is worth every trial and worth all the doubt people have in us!!!
Our story starts in a bar. I was married and he had just gotten divorced. Heck, the first nine months of us knowing each other consisted of lots of alcohol and parties... and sex. It was one hot mess of a relationship, if you even want to call it that. People even told us we were doomed, and honestly, we were. How could a relationship work when it started on such terms? Good, solid marriages begin on a strong foundation of friendship, not alcohol and sex.
Add to it that we had children very quickly. Less than nine months after meeting each other I got pregnant. We weren't married yet, but here comes a baby. So, of course marriage quickly followed. Now add that I was unemployed and our bills definitely outweighed our income. He had to sell his house and we were living paycheck to paycheck for quite a while.
Then, a move to another country with 2 babies. I became depressed and started "acting out". The stresses of living overseas, not being able to see family and just feeling so alone began to eat at me. Then, just when we think things are good, I get to go see family and BOOM... Satan attacks and wins. Whew...
I wanted to leave the marriage... 2 kids just weren't enough to make me stay in it. I wanted to be back in Florida and was willing to lose my marriage for that. Then, I had an affair. Yep, I did. Hey, what did it matter, I was leaving the marriage anyway so it wasn't like I was pretending to be a good wife and doing it... at least, that was my rational. Though, even that didn't end us. We still came back together.
Now... things were getting better (at least I thought they were). I was pregnant with our third child and we were finally getting back to our normal! My hormones were a little out of whack during the pregnancy, but otherwise I thought things were pretty swell!
And little issues here and there came up but for the most part, things were going GREAT!!! I had finally gotten to a place I felt like I was in control of my issues and I was being open and honest with Fil about EVERYTHING! Even when I thought he might get mad, I told him when I was struggling or having an issue. I stopped letting my own crap get in the way of us being happy together!
Then, just as I really thought things were perfect, I got raped and became pregnant. Now, definitely the thing that was going to end us happened. Our marriage was certainly over now. And it wasn't even something I did, or he did, by choice. It was stupidity on my part, definitely, but I was going to lose my marriage after everything else because someone took advantage of my stupidity. Wonderful.
And for a while, I did believe we were over. He didn't like me, he was disgusted by me. And really, I didn't blame him. I hated it, but I couldn't fault him for feeling that way. It just hurt. But slowly, we began to get better. Little by little that dislike and disgust faded. We were finally more than just roommates, we were becoming friends again. Then, lovers again. And before I knew it, we were doing better than we'd ever done before.
Then, BOOM... I find out some things that he had kept from me...
Haven't we been through enough? That was all I could think. And for a few days, I just wanted to leave, to give up. It seemed like it would be so much easier to just walk away and stop hurting than to face all of our issues AGAIN and keep going... but... I couldn't leave. There is just something about this man that made me stay.
And now... here we are... FINALLY. After all those struggles and trials. After our marriage has been put through the ringer. After we've both messed up and hurt each other. After we both woke up and realized how important we are to each other. And we are seriously much stronger than I ever imagined we could be.
He is seriously my best friend, and he says I am his only friend. Is it perfect, No. But I don't think we'd be as close and strong if things were perfect. Our imperfections have caused us to bond and build stronger together. We've weathered storms that have sank other relationships. We have seriously stayed together through things that would tear the strongest of couples apart, and at a time we weren't all that strong to begin with.
But how? How did we get through all of that and still come out loving each other? How did we manage to stay in a relationship when so much hurt happened on an already faulty foundation of a relationship? Well, GOD! God is the ONLY reason. Yes, we fought for it, but we fought for it with God. If we hadn't turned to God in those times, things would have only gotten worse, and it would have ended us. But I am so thankful for God being there and taking control, even after we both pushed him out for so long.
People think that him staying is because he is too weak to leave and that raising Jonathen is the stupidest thing he's ever done. Some say he deserves better than me and that he would probably be happier without me. And some people still think that we are doomed and it's only a matter of time before we fall apart, though it's probably more wishful thinking.
Well, keep wishing or find a new wish. I can't say whether or not he'd be happier without me. I'd like to think he wouldn't be, but I don't know that. However, I would have the kids and I know that he definitely would NOT be happier without his kids. So, for anyone who thinks that obviously doesn't know him well, because they would know he would be miserable without his boys.
And he does deserve better than me. I admit that. I have faults, I have done crappy things and I didn't deserve his forgiveness. But he deserves a woman who, even with her faults, fights for him. I do that. He deserves a woman who loves him. I love him more than I can put into words. He deserves a woman who will do what she can to make him happy. I haven't always been THAT person, but I now live to make him happy. He deserves better, but I am trying to be the woman that deserves him.
As far as him being weak and stupid for not leaving and raising Jonathen - all I can say is people that believe that obviously do not know the strength it takes to work through the things we've worked through. Fil is far from weak, he is the strongest man I've ever met. And raising Jonathen is one of the kindest, most selfless things a person could do. It may seem stupid to people who don't understand, but Fil made a decision that not everyone would be able to do. And it really speaks to the love he has in him, as well as speaks to how powerful and might God is when we allow His work in us!
I was blessed the moment Fil entered my life. I want to spend the rest of my life being the wife God called me to be, to the man that God obviously made just for me! We may not have had the easiest first few years but I know that the trials have made us stronger and closer! And 40 years from now, I really hope that people see us together and ask HOW we made it. I want to be that gross old couple that make people vomit because we love each other so much! And I know that we can be!!! And to me, that is worth every trial and worth all the doubt people have in us!!!
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