Who do you think about when you think of family? I am sure most people would say spouse, children, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, etc. Not me. When I think of family, I think of people that I have chosen to be a huge part of my life, that know the same or more about me than most relatives, and people that I love dearly.
I know many people, but I trust very few. I have been burned enough in my life that I really try to avoid it happening. It does still happen, but its just a natural part of life. Heck, even some relatives aren't past hurting their own blood, when I have people in my life that aren't blood and wouldn't do those same things.
Of course, the first people I think of when thinking of family are my husband and children. They are the closest people to me, and the ones I hold dearest. They really are the center of my universe. Without them, I would be lost. In all reality, they are the 3 people that know me the best, love me the best and that I love the absolute most!
Then, you have my mom, dad, sisters and other relatives. I am closest to my mom and younger sister, but I still love everyone of them. I may not be close to them, physically or emotionally, but they are family. Though my family hasn't always been perfect, we do have that 1 huge factor that ties us all together, blood.
My mom, along with my grandmother, have always been some of the greater female influences in my life. My grandmother passed away 5 years ago, and I still try to remember what she would say about certain things and try to listen to the advice I think she would give to me. My mom, though sometimes I don't agree, definitely doesn't hold back with her advice. Though, the one thing I will always know is that even when there is a time we don't agree, she will ALWAYS be there for me, just like she always has been!
Of course, then there is my little sister. We have an older brother and sister, but we weren't close. Our older sister was raised by her mom's mom, and our brother was raised with us, until my parents divorced. Plus, he was quite a bit older, so for the most part, it was just me and Shannon. Like many sisters, we didn't get along to well, but we always took up for each other and were always there when it really counted. There were times that she was the only person there for me, and times when there were other people there, but she was the only one that mattered. Even she may not realize those times herself, but I sure do, and I am truly grateful to have such a wonderful little sister!
After them, there are the people I CHOOSE to call family. They may not be related to me by blood, but we are as close, if not closer, than most sisters/brothers. This kind of relationship isn't just being friends, its being family. I have at least 3 women in my life that are just the most amazing women, and the lack of blood connection is the only difference I see from sisters.
Laura has been the longest friend I've had. Friends since middle school. There were of course bumps and curves in our relationship, though for any relationship, that is normal. Heck, my sister and I have had more bumps and sharper curves than Laura and I have ever had. There were times we didn't speak to each other, but we always went back to each other. She has been there through many rough times, and I have tried to be there for her rough times. To this day, no matter how little we get to talk, I still consider her my best friend/sister.
Penny came into my life in 2003, when we were both new to the Air Force. When we met, we didn't care much for each other, but that changed over time. Don't ask me when, because I can't tell you. All I know, is one day we didn't care for each other and the next day we were best friends. At least, that's sure how it seemed to happen. We spent so much time together, wanted or not, that we just grew on each other. Before we knew it, we were taking care of each other (more her taking care of me) and just being awesome together! She is also someone I consider my best friend/sister.
Then there is Leslie!!! We met in 2006, while we were both pregnant. I was pregnant with my 1st, and she with her 2nd. I had heard she was a bitch, so I was careful and weary around her at first, but the more and more I got to know her, she was pretty awesome! We have a lot in common about the way we think, and we understand each other quite well. I actually think she understands me better than my husband sometimes. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we haven't let that get in the way of our friendship. We are able to give/receive each others opinion without thinking the other is being judgmental or an ass. Sometimes we misunderstand each other, or take something the wrong way, but the one thing I can count on is that we are able to approach each other and talk it out rather than getting upset and arguing. Another best friend/sister.
These women have each touched my life in a different way, but have all earned the same place in my heart! I can't be sure that they weren't just put in my life for a reason or season, but I sure know that I will remember them for LIFE! They are the 3 women I care the most about, aside from relatives of course. They are the friends that truly make me a better person and make me strive to be the greatest friend I can be. I miss them all immensely, and can't wait until I can see them all again! It sucks that one is in FL, one in TX about to move to AZ, and one in Japan. I only wish I had the money to visit all those places and see all 3 of them. Though, I am pretty certain that, one way or another, I will see all 3 of them again!
To the sisters that God forgot to give me, I love you all!!! I miss you, and I am always thinking of each of you!
There are other people in my life that I do consider to be family, and for many different reasons. And, there are a few people that I am really hoping to add to my list of family. Though, it is difficult trying to make that kind of connection to people. I don't trust easily, and when I do, if its broken, its extremely hard to get back. I have met a lot of wonderful people, and I only hope that my family will continue to grow throughout the years. And those people that I am still trying to build relationships with, I truly hope that someday, we can call each other family!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Beautiful days!
We have been on a roll of beautiful days here in Germany! The shining sun, very few clouds and all around just pure beauty! I never realized how much we took the sun for granted until coming here and rarely seeing it.
During the winter, we are lucky if the sun comes out from behind the clouds. Mostly is dark and rainy, and of course some snow. Though, our winter technically lasted until just a few days ago when it decided to all of a sudden warm up and the sun quit hiding from us!
Yesterday, it was in the 70's and today about the same. The kids got to play outside and hubby was able to get a screen hung up so that I could enjoy fresh air without the bugs coming in! Tomorrow I will be grabbing our other fans and setting them up around the house to keep a nice rotation of fresh air throughout the house!
I also plan on being outside more with the kids! Now that we can go outside in tank tops and shorts, I should be able to get a little color back to my skin soon!!! We are also planning on going to the lake for a day, and really just soak it all up while it lasts! We don't get very long summers here, so the short time we get we better take full advantage of it!
Check back tomorrow for pics of me and the kids outside! I am sure we will be taking plenty!!!
During the winter, we are lucky if the sun comes out from behind the clouds. Mostly is dark and rainy, and of course some snow. Though, our winter technically lasted until just a few days ago when it decided to all of a sudden warm up and the sun quit hiding from us!
Yesterday, it was in the 70's and today about the same. The kids got to play outside and hubby was able to get a screen hung up so that I could enjoy fresh air without the bugs coming in! Tomorrow I will be grabbing our other fans and setting them up around the house to keep a nice rotation of fresh air throughout the house!
I also plan on being outside more with the kids! Now that we can go outside in tank tops and shorts, I should be able to get a little color back to my skin soon!!! We are also planning on going to the lake for a day, and really just soak it all up while it lasts! We don't get very long summers here, so the short time we get we better take full advantage of it!
Check back tomorrow for pics of me and the kids outside! I am sure we will be taking plenty!!!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The loss and growing desire of another child
For almost 2 years now, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I wanted to have another child. I love my boys, but there is still that urge of wanting more. I knew when I had Darien that I wanted more children, and that feeling hasn't gone away. The days that I question it are normally the days that they are all sorts of crazy, and with 2 boys, its pretty much always crazy! Though, now with my new positive outlook, the crazy days are some of the best days because their real personalities shine through! So, now I am back on the kick, and have been for a couple weeks, of wanting another child!
We actually started trying back in November. I got pregnant immediately, found out on Dec 4th by a home test, then on Dec 7th by a test done at the doctor. On Dec 14th I went to the ER because I started bleeding and cramping. They did a quick exam and an u/s and was unable to locate the sac. I was told I was probably having a miscarriage and told to rest. The following night, at about 2am, we had to call an ambulance to get me because I was in so much pain I could barely move. They get me to the ER and I get loaded with pain meds. They explained that due to the location of the pain it was possible that it was an ectopic pregnancy and sent home with orders to keep the appt I had on Dec 18th with the OB/GYN clinic so that I could use that as a follow up.
Well, the day before that appt, which was the day I left the ER, the clinic called to cancel my appt due to training or something. I tried to explain to the nurse how important it was that I get in and be seen, and she pretty much acted as if she could care less. Luckily, I knew someone who worked in the clinic, so I called her and let her know what was going on and she was able to get me seen. Which was a good thing because I was officially diagnosed with (most likely) an ectopic pregnancy. There was no way to know for certain because they couldn't locate a sac, but all symptoms, to include the HgC levels, were consistent with an ectopic pregnancy.
I was given my options, surgery or a shot of methotrexate which is a drug also commonly used for cemotheraphy in cancer patients. I choose the shot to avoid surgery and the possible loss of a tube. Well, that is definitely an experience I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I was sick for days, could barely even walk without being dizzy or weak, felt like someone was ripping my stomach out, and just an overall miserable time. Even on Christmas day I was having to not do too much because I was easily tired and definitely just not myself. It was awful.
After that, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to try again for another child because I am honestly scared of having to go through that again. Now that I have had one, my chances of having another are a lot more. I suffered from depression and anxiety really badly, enough that I lost about 40lbs in less than 3 months. Even with knowing that it could happen again, I am back to wanting to try again.
We have been blessed with 2 amazing little boys, and if it doesn't happen for us, then it will be okay. I would just like the chance to be a mommy to another special little boy or girl. We aren't actively trying, but we aren't preventing either. We figure that if its meant to happen, it will when its our time.
We actually started trying back in November. I got pregnant immediately, found out on Dec 4th by a home test, then on Dec 7th by a test done at the doctor. On Dec 14th I went to the ER because I started bleeding and cramping. They did a quick exam and an u/s and was unable to locate the sac. I was told I was probably having a miscarriage and told to rest. The following night, at about 2am, we had to call an ambulance to get me because I was in so much pain I could barely move. They get me to the ER and I get loaded with pain meds. They explained that due to the location of the pain it was possible that it was an ectopic pregnancy and sent home with orders to keep the appt I had on Dec 18th with the OB/GYN clinic so that I could use that as a follow up.
Well, the day before that appt, which was the day I left the ER, the clinic called to cancel my appt due to training or something. I tried to explain to the nurse how important it was that I get in and be seen, and she pretty much acted as if she could care less. Luckily, I knew someone who worked in the clinic, so I called her and let her know what was going on and she was able to get me seen. Which was a good thing because I was officially diagnosed with (most likely) an ectopic pregnancy. There was no way to know for certain because they couldn't locate a sac, but all symptoms, to include the HgC levels, were consistent with an ectopic pregnancy.
I was given my options, surgery or a shot of methotrexate which is a drug also commonly used for cemotheraphy in cancer patients. I choose the shot to avoid surgery and the possible loss of a tube. Well, that is definitely an experience I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I was sick for days, could barely even walk without being dizzy or weak, felt like someone was ripping my stomach out, and just an overall miserable time. Even on Christmas day I was having to not do too much because I was easily tired and definitely just not myself. It was awful.
After that, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to try again for another child because I am honestly scared of having to go through that again. Now that I have had one, my chances of having another are a lot more. I suffered from depression and anxiety really badly, enough that I lost about 40lbs in less than 3 months. Even with knowing that it could happen again, I am back to wanting to try again.
We have been blessed with 2 amazing little boys, and if it doesn't happen for us, then it will be okay. I would just like the chance to be a mommy to another special little boy or girl. We aren't actively trying, but we aren't preventing either. We figure that if its meant to happen, it will when its our time.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Being a Mommy!
Being a mommy is the absolute most amazing part of my life! I have two amazing little boys that just light up my world and make every day a new adventure! We have good and bad days, but no two days are ever the same with them! I never truly understood the amount of unconditional love I was able to have for anyone until I had them! And I truly can't (but can at the same time) wait to see what our future has in store for our family!
When I first met my husband, I was still legally married and he had JUST gotten a divorce. So, when my divorce was final and we began dating, it wasn't really all THAT serious. I was still considering moving back to FL because I knew I was getting out of the military within a couple of months and just didn't have much keeping me in TX. So, we planned a trip to FL and VA to meet each others families, and this would give me a chance to really see if moving back to FL was what I wanted. So, we go, have a good time and I was able to line up a temporary job in TX to get me through for a while til I made a final decision of what to do.
We arrived back to TX on a Sunday, I started working Monday, and it just so happened that Monday was also the day I found out I was pregnant. I am not even sure what made me take the test, just woke up and had a thought, and sure enough, I was. So, of course, I had doubts because I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. Excited was definitely my very last emotion. I was more scared and nervous about it, and excited came in probably about the time I felt him move for the first time.
I remember it clearly. I was in FL for my baby shower, and I was in the car with my best friend Laura. We were pulling up to Winn-Dixie. At first, I thought it was just a little bit of gas, because that was kinda how it felt. But after a few minutes, I felt it again, and it was more like feeling someone poking you from the inside. At that very moment, I got excited, and the rest of the pregnancy was pretty great. Then, giving birth to him changed me forever.
My labor was pretty easy. I was induced 5 days after my due date due to a small medical concern after having some slight bleeding. I was told that I could be there anywhere from 12-36+ hours in labor, that being induced normally took a long time. So, I got the epidural and things were pretty easy going. Well, they were wrong. About 6 1/2 hours after they started the pitocen, he was born. They immediately laid him on my stomach, and from the moment I saw him I was in love with him!
He had the perfect little face, hands, feet, everything was just perfect! I knew right then that I wanted to have more. I never expected to have that immediate connection with him because the majority of my pregnancy I felt so disconnected, but it was definitely one of the best moments of my life!
Six months later, I decided it was time to start trying again. It took about 5 months, but when I found out I was pregnant again, I had all the same emotions as the first time, only I was excited from the start. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same way about it this time around since I was so excited the whole pregnancy, but I worried for no reason. When my second son was born, again, it was instant love. I could actually feel the love in my just grow and instead of having to share it, there was just more of it!
To this day, I look at them and can't imagine my life without them! Their smiles are priceless, their hugs are heart warming and their "I love you" is enough to melt anyone's soul. Their personalities are so different, yet they are so much alike. Darien is a clown, loves to goof off and get people's attention. Adrien is more quiet and reserved, and is my little cuddle bug. Though, they both love to play outside and jump around and just be boys!
Being a mommy is so much more than I ever expected, but in a way that I am so thankful that I was given the the blessing of getting to be one! They have bad days, and sometimes I get stressed out, but there is nothing in this world they could do to ever make me love them any less. Everyday my love for them grows, and everyday I learn at least 1 more thing from them. They are the center of my universe, and will continue to love them for the rest of my life! Its just awesome being a mommy!
When I first met my husband, I was still legally married and he had JUST gotten a divorce. So, when my divorce was final and we began dating, it wasn't really all THAT serious. I was still considering moving back to FL because I knew I was getting out of the military within a couple of months and just didn't have much keeping me in TX. So, we planned a trip to FL and VA to meet each others families, and this would give me a chance to really see if moving back to FL was what I wanted. So, we go, have a good time and I was able to line up a temporary job in TX to get me through for a while til I made a final decision of what to do.
We arrived back to TX on a Sunday, I started working Monday, and it just so happened that Monday was also the day I found out I was pregnant. I am not even sure what made me take the test, just woke up and had a thought, and sure enough, I was. So, of course, I had doubts because I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. Excited was definitely my very last emotion. I was more scared and nervous about it, and excited came in probably about the time I felt him move for the first time.
I remember it clearly. I was in FL for my baby shower, and I was in the car with my best friend Laura. We were pulling up to Winn-Dixie. At first, I thought it was just a little bit of gas, because that was kinda how it felt. But after a few minutes, I felt it again, and it was more like feeling someone poking you from the inside. At that very moment, I got excited, and the rest of the pregnancy was pretty great. Then, giving birth to him changed me forever.
My labor was pretty easy. I was induced 5 days after my due date due to a small medical concern after having some slight bleeding. I was told that I could be there anywhere from 12-36+ hours in labor, that being induced normally took a long time. So, I got the epidural and things were pretty easy going. Well, they were wrong. About 6 1/2 hours after they started the pitocen, he was born. They immediately laid him on my stomach, and from the moment I saw him I was in love with him!
He had the perfect little face, hands, feet, everything was just perfect! I knew right then that I wanted to have more. I never expected to have that immediate connection with him because the majority of my pregnancy I felt so disconnected, but it was definitely one of the best moments of my life!
Six months later, I decided it was time to start trying again. It took about 5 months, but when I found out I was pregnant again, I had all the same emotions as the first time, only I was excited from the start. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same way about it this time around since I was so excited the whole pregnancy, but I worried for no reason. When my second son was born, again, it was instant love. I could actually feel the love in my just grow and instead of having to share it, there was just more of it!
To this day, I look at them and can't imagine my life without them! Their smiles are priceless, their hugs are heart warming and their "I love you" is enough to melt anyone's soul. Their personalities are so different, yet they are so much alike. Darien is a clown, loves to goof off and get people's attention. Adrien is more quiet and reserved, and is my little cuddle bug. Though, they both love to play outside and jump around and just be boys!
Being a mommy is so much more than I ever expected, but in a way that I am so thankful that I was given the the blessing of getting to be one! They have bad days, and sometimes I get stressed out, but there is nothing in this world they could do to ever make me love them any less. Everyday my love for them grows, and everyday I learn at least 1 more thing from them. They are the center of my universe, and will continue to love them for the rest of my life! Its just awesome being a mommy!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Our Germany adventures so far!
Well, we have been living in Germany for a little over a year now. We haven't done too much, but what we have done has been fun! We have made good friends and had a good time. I am definitely hoping we get to do WAY more over the next 3 years, and will be sharing all those adventures also! But, for now, I am going to try to share as much as I can from the last year!
When we first arrived, last March, we were here for 2 weeks when our anniversary came up. Hubby took me to the Turm Hotel in Focelberg. It is the youngest castle in Germany and absolutely amazing! Unfortunately, the few pictures we took on my cell were lost when my children decided to give the phone a bath in apple sauce and use peanut butter as lotion.
We have also visited the Gondwana Das Praehistorium. Darien especially loved it. Dinosaurs everywhere, even mechanical ones that roared and just had him intrigued!
There was this one, kinda looked like a gator, just chilling it the water. It's eyes were closed, so Darien was trying to wake it up. Next thing he knows, the eyes shoot open, the head whips around and lets out a loud growling noise. Darien jumped and ran, it scared him. Then he went right back to wake it up again, it was awesome!
We had a great time as a family that day! It's something we would definitely do again!
Then there is the night I went out with some of the ladies and tried sushi for the first time. Granted, it wasn't "real" sushi, there was no fish in it, but it was the first time for me to try it in any form. I was nervous about it, but it wasn't all that bad. I would be willing to try the "real" stuff someday.
Then, there is the Wilhelma Zoo and Botanical Gardens! We went with another couple that we are friends with and it was just awesome! The kids really enjoyed the animals, and it was just a beautiful place!
Like I said, we haven't done much, but we do plan to start doing a whole lot over the next 3 years we are here. Hopefully we will do something again soon so I can post more pictures! Here are just some other random pics we have taken around here!
When we first arrived, last March, we were here for 2 weeks when our anniversary came up. Hubby took me to the Turm Hotel in Focelberg. It is the youngest castle in Germany and absolutely amazing! Unfortunately, the few pictures we took on my cell were lost when my children decided to give the phone a bath in apple sauce and use peanut butter as lotion.
We have also visited the Gondwana Das Praehistorium. Darien especially loved it. Dinosaurs everywhere, even mechanical ones that roared and just had him intrigued!
There was this one, kinda looked like a gator, just chilling it the water. It's eyes were closed, so Darien was trying to wake it up. Next thing he knows, the eyes shoot open, the head whips around and lets out a loud growling noise. Darien jumped and ran, it scared him. Then he went right back to wake it up again, it was awesome!
We had a great time as a family that day! It's something we would definitely do again!
Then there is the night I went out with some of the ladies and tried sushi for the first time. Granted, it wasn't "real" sushi, there was no fish in it, but it was the first time for me to try it in any form. I was nervous about it, but it wasn't all that bad. I would be willing to try the "real" stuff someday.
Then, there is the Wilhelma Zoo and Botanical Gardens! We went with another couple that we are friends with and it was just awesome! The kids really enjoyed the animals, and it was just a beautiful place!
Like I said, we haven't done much, but we do plan to start doing a whole lot over the next 3 years we are here. Hopefully we will do something again soon so I can post more pictures! Here are just some other random pics we have taken around here!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Military Spouse Appreciation Day!
In lieu of Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I want to dedicate this blog to the wonderful spouse's that pretty much give up their lives to serve their country by supporting the mission by supporting their spouses! Below, I have just copied and pasted some different things I have seen online in reference to military spouses. Please take the time to thank those you know, and pray for those you don't. We may have agreed to this lifestyle by marrying into it, or by standing behind our spouse's when they decided to go active duty, but don't let that cloud the fact that this lifestyle is a lot more difficult than most, if not ALL, others out there.
Here's to you, the one who waits, no matter the distance, no matter the time. Here's to you, the one who fights your own battle at home, between the tears and sleepless nights, the one who will never give up, even when everything around you seems to be falling down, and here's to you, because while people may think they know how tough it is to be a hero, no one but us will ever know how tough it is to love one.
Military love, the greatest love ever known or felt. The weight of this love we carry. Some women cannot grasp, while others would die trying. We love our men just like you do, but unlike you, with our love we have to endure separation, pain and yes, even death. This is why we love harder and stronger! I love being a Military wife!
Dear Lord,
Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know, when duty calls him he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he's away. And Lord, when he's in a foreign land, keep him safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen.
Here's to you, the one who waits, no matter the distance, no matter the time. Here's to you, the one who fights your own battle at home, between the tears and sleepless nights, the one who will never give up, even when everything around you seems to be falling down, and here's to you, because while people may think they know how tough it is to be a hero, no one but us will ever know how tough it is to love one.
Military love, the greatest love ever known or felt. The weight of this love we carry. Some women cannot grasp, while others would die trying. We love our men just like you do, but unlike you, with our love we have to endure separation, pain and yes, even death. This is why we love harder and stronger! I love being a Military wife!
Dear Lord,
Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know, when duty calls him he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he's away. And Lord, when he's in a foreign land, keep him safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen.
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