"I just never thought I would be a one guy kind of girl"
Yes, this is a statement I have made... and now realize the truth behind it. However, the meaning behind that comment is vastly different today than it was when I originally said it four years ago.
For some reason today, a conversation I had with a friend popped into mind as I was thinking about how different my life is today from just a few years ago. Though, what I realized when I thought about it is that I still can't see myself as a "one guy kind of girl". However, the meaning of that statement has changed tremendously.
The first time I made that statement, it was because I wasn't happy in my marriage and thought other men would "fix" my problem. The thought of being married to one guy, only being with one man for the rest of my life, just wasn't very appealing. Surely I wasn't meant to "settle", I wanted to continue exploring. Why be restricted to just one guy when there were so many out there?!
Though, I have come to realize that was SOOOO wrong. Being married to the one man is exactly what I want (and very much NEED)!!! I was definitely missing something, though it wasn't what I thought it was. I was missing fulfillment. But the kind of fulfillment that I was missing couldn't come from any man here on Earth, it could only come from God.
Now that I have found that fulfillment, and have allowed God to help fill the places of my heart and soul that I tried to fill with men, I see how that statement was so very wrong.
However, I will never be a one guy girl... I can't be, EVER...
God has blessed me with not just one guy, he has blessed me with six of them! I can't possibly be a one guy girl when I have six guys who depend on me every single day!!! So, my statement was correct, just made in the wrong context the first time it was made.
I do believe God knew what he was doing when he gave me all boys! I didn't understand it, and in many ways I still don't, but I see now how it is surely fitting. God knew I needed other guys in my life, so He gave them to me, on His terms! Even though it wasn't in the way I first thought I wanted or needed, I know that His ideas are so much better than mine!
I am so blessed to have a God that loves me enough to give me the things I need!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
God Changed My Marriage!
One of the things we learn when we begin our faith journey is that the husband should be the spiritual leader of the home. It is engrained in us that the husband is the head of the family, and as such has the role of leading them.
Ephesians 5:22-26 says: Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
Though, I have found that some have taken this out of context. It seems like wives believe that if their husband doesn't go to church or believe, that they must follow that, even if they want to live in Christ. They feel that the Bible instructs them to follow their husband, no matter what. However, this isn't true. If you read the first verse again, it says "Wives, submit to your own husband as to the Lord". This doesn't mean to submit to your husband in place of the Lord, but in the same way. You should still submit to the Lord first, even if your husband doesn't.
My marriage is living proof of the work God can do, if we truly live for Him and allow His work in our lives. When I first started following Christ, and truly following - not just going through the motions - my husband wasn't so much into it. He would go to church with me, though mostly just to go along with me, not for himself. I started going to Celebrate Recovery and he stayed home with the kids. My spiritual walk was not along side or behind his, it was in a completely different direction.
I started my journey feeling guilty for stepping out in faith before him. I worried, for a long time, that I was going to "out-grow" him and feel unequally yolked because I was wanting to be so faithful to Christ. Though, what I found happened was exactly the opposite. It didn't happen overnight, but because of my faith and trust in God, things began to change.
Little by little I could see the change in my husband, the change his heart began to make in him. He started having in-depth discussions with me about the messages we heard at church. He took lead on teaching our children to pray at meal times. He started praying and reading the Bible more. Before I knew it, he was leading me to things I hadn't yet done or considered. He was taking his place as the spiritual leader!
Now, a couple years later, I see the blessings God worked in our lives and marriage because I first stepped out in faith and began my walk with Christ. And though I have witnessed these things over that time, this morning I woke up to find a note he made in our Bible app on a study he is doing. It really put it into perspective, reminding me of where we started. So, don't take my word for it, read my husband's words:
"Marriage isn't something that is successful naturally. You have to work hard at it and trust in the Lord. It is through Him that your marriage will succeed and without Him that your marriage will fail. I know this from experience. The more we soak our marriage in the Lord's words the closer we become and the stronger our marriage becomes. It doesn't mean we both started on this road together, however. My wife was the fortunate one to start her walk with Christ before me. She didn't make me walk with her, rather she kept on her path and simply prayed for me and our marriage. I began my walk with Christ because I was shown His grace and His blessings with open eyes finally. I had gone to church for years off/on before that, but I had never really gone to purposefully take in His words to apply it to my life. I pray that God continues to bless my family and that through us He helps us expose others to His blessings. Amen."
I can't even begin to describe the joy that filled me as I read his words. I trusted God in one of the most difficult times of my life, and He has surely blessed me through my marriage. My husband is the most amazing gift from God and I thank Him daily for allowing us to grow in His word, together!
If you are a wife who's husband doesn't follow Christ, don't let that hold you back from living in faith yourself. Let God lead you and He WILL figure out the rest too! Don't miss out on Christ's love out of worry or fear of "out-growing" your spouse. Keep faithful in prayer and He will answer.
I pray for all marriages to find the grace and blessings we've found through Christ's love!
Ephesians 5:22-26 says: Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
Though, I have found that some have taken this out of context. It seems like wives believe that if their husband doesn't go to church or believe, that they must follow that, even if they want to live in Christ. They feel that the Bible instructs them to follow their husband, no matter what. However, this isn't true. If you read the first verse again, it says "Wives, submit to your own husband as to the Lord". This doesn't mean to submit to your husband in place of the Lord, but in the same way. You should still submit to the Lord first, even if your husband doesn't.
My marriage is living proof of the work God can do, if we truly live for Him and allow His work in our lives. When I first started following Christ, and truly following - not just going through the motions - my husband wasn't so much into it. He would go to church with me, though mostly just to go along with me, not for himself. I started going to Celebrate Recovery and he stayed home with the kids. My spiritual walk was not along side or behind his, it was in a completely different direction.
I started my journey feeling guilty for stepping out in faith before him. I worried, for a long time, that I was going to "out-grow" him and feel unequally yolked because I was wanting to be so faithful to Christ. Though, what I found happened was exactly the opposite. It didn't happen overnight, but because of my faith and trust in God, things began to change.
Little by little I could see the change in my husband, the change his heart began to make in him. He started having in-depth discussions with me about the messages we heard at church. He took lead on teaching our children to pray at meal times. He started praying and reading the Bible more. Before I knew it, he was leading me to things I hadn't yet done or considered. He was taking his place as the spiritual leader!
Now, a couple years later, I see the blessings God worked in our lives and marriage because I first stepped out in faith and began my walk with Christ. And though I have witnessed these things over that time, this morning I woke up to find a note he made in our Bible app on a study he is doing. It really put it into perspective, reminding me of where we started. So, don't take my word for it, read my husband's words:
"Marriage isn't something that is successful naturally. You have to work hard at it and trust in the Lord. It is through Him that your marriage will succeed and without Him that your marriage will fail. I know this from experience. The more we soak our marriage in the Lord's words the closer we become and the stronger our marriage becomes. It doesn't mean we both started on this road together, however. My wife was the fortunate one to start her walk with Christ before me. She didn't make me walk with her, rather she kept on her path and simply prayed for me and our marriage. I began my walk with Christ because I was shown His grace and His blessings with open eyes finally. I had gone to church for years off/on before that, but I had never really gone to purposefully take in His words to apply it to my life. I pray that God continues to bless my family and that through us He helps us expose others to His blessings. Amen."
I can't even begin to describe the joy that filled me as I read his words. I trusted God in one of the most difficult times of my life, and He has surely blessed me through my marriage. My husband is the most amazing gift from God and I thank Him daily for allowing us to grow in His word, together!
If you are a wife who's husband doesn't follow Christ, don't let that hold you back from living in faith yourself. Let God lead you and He WILL figure out the rest too! Don't miss out on Christ's love out of worry or fear of "out-growing" your spouse. Keep faithful in prayer and He will answer.
I pray for all marriages to find the grace and blessings we've found through Christ's love!
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Admit and Live in Light!
All around, I felt very spoken to today! I love it when I feel God is very clearly sending a message, especially when it's a message I NEED to hear!
1 John 1:5-10 says:
Now this is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light, and there is absolutely no darkness in Him. If we say, “We have fellowship with Him,” yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth. But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say, “We don’t have any sin,” we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
I spent so much of my life living in the darkness. Saying I believed but then doing nothing that proved that. I allowed sin to control my life and tried to hide it, even though I wasn't very successful. And, that's not to say I don't still sin. I do. But, I am much more aware of my sin now, and willing to admit it. And these verses are so much part of what I believe now, and so very true!
I love that it was said that you can't live in the dark and the light at the same time, because you really can't. You can't hide your sin, deny it, and be a faithful follower of Christ at the same time. It just doesn't work that way. But by bringing that sin into the light, exposing it, you are living in the light!
That is one reason I have felt very pulled to be so open and raw about my life. I don't want to hide who I am, and I shouldn't. I don't even want to hide my sin. I want it exposed, I want others to see it, because I want others to help guide me back to Christ. If I am hiding it, I am moving further and further from God, and that just doesn't work for me!
I have heard that I am too open, and sometimes I will admit I have been. Though, I am learning! I am starting to find who I should and shouldn't share with. I am learning how much to share and with who. I am learning who God is placed in my life as guides to help me in my journey closer to Him!
And lately, I have worried that sharing has allowed for my faith to be called into question. Or for others to think that because I still mess up that I can't possibly have the faith that I claim. Today's message, however, reminds me that it's because of my sharing, and because I am able to admit I mess up (more often than I like to admit), shows my faith and how much I really do believe He forgives our sins! I admit because He told me to! I admit because my faith is in His word and His love and forgiveness!
I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with sin. I am also a grateful believer that wants to live in the light, even if my sin shows, and gain His forgiveness!
1 John 1:5-10 says:
Now this is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light, and there is absolutely no darkness in Him. If we say, “We have fellowship with Him,” yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth. But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say, “We don’t have any sin,” we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
I spent so much of my life living in the darkness. Saying I believed but then doing nothing that proved that. I allowed sin to control my life and tried to hide it, even though I wasn't very successful. And, that's not to say I don't still sin. I do. But, I am much more aware of my sin now, and willing to admit it. And these verses are so much part of what I believe now, and so very true!
I love that it was said that you can't live in the dark and the light at the same time, because you really can't. You can't hide your sin, deny it, and be a faithful follower of Christ at the same time. It just doesn't work that way. But by bringing that sin into the light, exposing it, you are living in the light!
That is one reason I have felt very pulled to be so open and raw about my life. I don't want to hide who I am, and I shouldn't. I don't even want to hide my sin. I want it exposed, I want others to see it, because I want others to help guide me back to Christ. If I am hiding it, I am moving further and further from God, and that just doesn't work for me!
I have heard that I am too open, and sometimes I will admit I have been. Though, I am learning! I am starting to find who I should and shouldn't share with. I am learning how much to share and with who. I am learning who God is placed in my life as guides to help me in my journey closer to Him!
And lately, I have worried that sharing has allowed for my faith to be called into question. Or for others to think that because I still mess up that I can't possibly have the faith that I claim. Today's message, however, reminds me that it's because of my sharing, and because I am able to admit I mess up (more often than I like to admit), shows my faith and how much I really do believe He forgives our sins! I admit because He told me to! I admit because my faith is in His word and His love and forgiveness!
I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with sin. I am also a grateful believer that wants to live in the light, even if my sin shows, and gain His forgiveness!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
"REAL"
Not very long ago I posted a "date night" question that I went ahead and answered.
- Question to ask during date night: What words do you hope people use to describe our marriage?
- Answer was: I hope people say Christ-centered, loving, honest and inspiring! We may not always get it right but God has blessed us beyond all belief! I pray that we can some how inspire others for Christ through our marriage!
Those are still definitely words I pray others use, or will use, when talking about our marriage. However, today I heard another word that I didn't think of when answering the question, but definitely love that it was used to describe us.
"REAL". Real. What an awesome word, especially in this context. Though, why would, and why should, we feel blessed that this is a word used to describe our marriage? Because it shows that people see we are raw and open. It is a compliment to me, because I never want to be fake (or have anyone think I am) when it comes to loving one of the best blessings God has given me! Our marriage has been through the ringer, and even down the toilet tubes a few times... but even with all our issues, I don't want to ever put on a show that is unbelievable or false.
I spent too many years trying to put on a show for those around us. Wanting people to think we had a good marriage, when in fact we had some pretty extreme struggles. I hid my emotions and feelings from him, and everyone, thinking I was supposed to have it all together. I faked a smile, faked a few hugs and pretended that I was happy when I was feeling so dead and trapped inside. And I now realize that no one should do that. So, after so long of being so fake, I want nothing more than to just be "real"!!!
When I was given this compliment today, my heart thanked God for His intervention in my marriage. I almost cried over it, in a good way, because it felt so great to be seen that way, especially after all we've gone through. And God is the ONLY reason we've gotten to this place of realness with each other, and with those around us. So, my heart was extremely thankful to Him for being the center of our marriage and teaching us how to be real! And for opening our hearts to a kind of love I don't think either of us had ever experienced before!
Because my love is real, and because God's power is real! And showing how real God's power can be is the greatest thing we can share with others!!!
- Question to ask during date night: What words do you hope people use to describe our marriage?
- Answer was: I hope people say Christ-centered, loving, honest and inspiring! We may not always get it right but God has blessed us beyond all belief! I pray that we can some how inspire others for Christ through our marriage!
Those are still definitely words I pray others use, or will use, when talking about our marriage. However, today I heard another word that I didn't think of when answering the question, but definitely love that it was used to describe us.
"REAL". Real. What an awesome word, especially in this context. Though, why would, and why should, we feel blessed that this is a word used to describe our marriage? Because it shows that people see we are raw and open. It is a compliment to me, because I never want to be fake (or have anyone think I am) when it comes to loving one of the best blessings God has given me! Our marriage has been through the ringer, and even down the toilet tubes a few times... but even with all our issues, I don't want to ever put on a show that is unbelievable or false.
I spent too many years trying to put on a show for those around us. Wanting people to think we had a good marriage, when in fact we had some pretty extreme struggles. I hid my emotions and feelings from him, and everyone, thinking I was supposed to have it all together. I faked a smile, faked a few hugs and pretended that I was happy when I was feeling so dead and trapped inside. And I now realize that no one should do that. So, after so long of being so fake, I want nothing more than to just be "real"!!!
When I was given this compliment today, my heart thanked God for His intervention in my marriage. I almost cried over it, in a good way, because it felt so great to be seen that way, especially after all we've gone through. And God is the ONLY reason we've gotten to this place of realness with each other, and with those around us. So, my heart was extremely thankful to Him for being the center of our marriage and teaching us how to be real! And for opening our hearts to a kind of love I don't think either of us had ever experienced before!
Because my love is real, and because God's power is real! And showing how real God's power can be is the greatest thing we can share with others!!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
What More Can I Do?
One of the most profound questions I was asked to ask myself, along with thousands of people, was "what more can I do?". Well, isn't that quite the loaded question?! What more can I do? And to be honest, the answer would depend on what area we are talking about... though, I am feeling extremely led to do more for the homeless and others that do not have the things we are able to afford.
I was recently in a situation that I could have helped someone, and I am ashamed to say that I just walked away. I did so with a heavy heart and continue to feel guilty over it. I still feel guilty over it, especially since I happened to throw away the food that could have possibly been his only meal that day, or even in days.
Though, out of that came the desire to do more. To not let another opportunity pass by to help someone who doesn't have the luxuries that I do. To feed someone who might have to skip a few meals when I don't know what that is like.
There are times I've felt like we were struggling. Wondering how we were going to keep up with our bills and still get to do the fun things we like doing. I worried that we would have to eat at home every night instead of getting to go out as often as normal. I worried that I couldn't get that hot item I'd been wanting for a while. I worried that we were "struggling".
What is sad, though, is that I was worried about not having MORE than what we needed. I was worried that I had to give up things that I didn't NEED to have. I worried about the wrong things. So what if I couldn't buy soda or go out to dinner? Did I REALLY NEED those things?
The recent situation that I feel guilt over has opened my eyes to just how incredibly selfish we can be. There are so many people struggling to find their next meal while I struggle with not buying a new t-shirt or getting to go out to eat. How incredibly selfish that sounds when I think about it!
So... I have decided to see if I can do a few things differently. Once we are moved into the new house, we are making some changes to how we do things. I am putting myself on a 30 challenge...
No sodas or junk food
No eating or ordering out at all
No buying food that isn't required for a determined meal plan
Those things in themselves will be a HUGE challenge for us. We are so used to just getting the things we want, when we want them, it's basically second nature to us now. We don't know any different. So, the fact that I am adding more challenge to that is really going to make this 30 day challenge an interesting task! But, I will be praying and using this as a fasting to help me build closer to him as well!
The added challenge is going to be:
Any time we feel the urge to do any of the three things listed above, we put the money we would have spent on it into a jar. At the end of the 30 days, we either donate the money to a soup kitchen or use it to feed/help the homeless in some way. And based on how often we go out to eat, and how much I guess we spend on those things in a month, I bet we could help a great amount in just those 30 days. And once we cut out the unnecessary spending, I bet we will realize just how much extra we DO have, even though it doesn't feel like it most of the time.
I don't look at our struggles the same way anymore. Our bills are always paid, our children are always fed, and we have the necessities required for us to survive. Heck, we have more than is really required. We are truly blessed and I want to do more to share our blessings with others who need a good blessing. Why shouldn't we share? Now I just want to share even more!!!
So, what more can I do? Well, the funny thing is I think I am answering the question by asking what can I do less? I can do more to help others by being less selfish!
What more can YOU do???
I was recently in a situation that I could have helped someone, and I am ashamed to say that I just walked away. I did so with a heavy heart and continue to feel guilty over it. I still feel guilty over it, especially since I happened to throw away the food that could have possibly been his only meal that day, or even in days.
Though, out of that came the desire to do more. To not let another opportunity pass by to help someone who doesn't have the luxuries that I do. To feed someone who might have to skip a few meals when I don't know what that is like.
There are times I've felt like we were struggling. Wondering how we were going to keep up with our bills and still get to do the fun things we like doing. I worried that we would have to eat at home every night instead of getting to go out as often as normal. I worried that I couldn't get that hot item I'd been wanting for a while. I worried that we were "struggling".
What is sad, though, is that I was worried about not having MORE than what we needed. I was worried that I had to give up things that I didn't NEED to have. I worried about the wrong things. So what if I couldn't buy soda or go out to dinner? Did I REALLY NEED those things?
The recent situation that I feel guilt over has opened my eyes to just how incredibly selfish we can be. There are so many people struggling to find their next meal while I struggle with not buying a new t-shirt or getting to go out to eat. How incredibly selfish that sounds when I think about it!
So... I have decided to see if I can do a few things differently. Once we are moved into the new house, we are making some changes to how we do things. I am putting myself on a 30 challenge...
No sodas or junk food
No eating or ordering out at all
No buying food that isn't required for a determined meal plan
Those things in themselves will be a HUGE challenge for us. We are so used to just getting the things we want, when we want them, it's basically second nature to us now. We don't know any different. So, the fact that I am adding more challenge to that is really going to make this 30 day challenge an interesting task! But, I will be praying and using this as a fasting to help me build closer to him as well!
The added challenge is going to be:
Any time we feel the urge to do any of the three things listed above, we put the money we would have spent on it into a jar. At the end of the 30 days, we either donate the money to a soup kitchen or use it to feed/help the homeless in some way. And based on how often we go out to eat, and how much I guess we spend on those things in a month, I bet we could help a great amount in just those 30 days. And once we cut out the unnecessary spending, I bet we will realize just how much extra we DO have, even though it doesn't feel like it most of the time.
I don't look at our struggles the same way anymore. Our bills are always paid, our children are always fed, and we have the necessities required for us to survive. Heck, we have more than is really required. We are truly blessed and I want to do more to share our blessings with others who need a good blessing. Why shouldn't we share? Now I just want to share even more!!!
So, what more can I do? Well, the funny thing is I think I am answering the question by asking what can I do less? I can do more to help others by being less selfish!
What more can YOU do???
Monday, June 23, 2014
Yes! I am one of THOSE people!
Back in 2010, after going through an ectopic pregnancy and almost ending my marriage, a friend reached out to me and told me about this thing called CR. I was intrigued, but also a little confused. Celebrate Recovery. Recovery. A 12-step program. Like what alcoholics go to? Something for drug addicts? Boy, I felt like you'd have to have some serious issues to need something so involved.
I spent over two years after being introduced to it, just pondering the questions. Assuming I didn't "really" need it. It wasn't until after my world was rocked by learning some things that my husband had been hiding that I honestly thought to be serious about it.
Even with the questions and the idea that is was more than what I really needed, I gave it a chance anyway. What could it hurt? If anything, I would realize how much I really didn't need it and could just stop any time I wanted. But, what I found, was that I was surely in desperate need of recovery.
Most people do hear about Celebrate Recovery and assume its for severe alcoholic or drug addicts. They don't see past the word Recovery. Just like I didn't, at first.
Celebrate Recovery is for ALL people. If you breath, chances are, you'd benefit from CR. Every single person has faced some form of hardship in their lives, and we all struggle in some area - at some point. We all have something in our lives that separates us from God, even if it's something small. CR is made for EVERY.SINGLE.THING that people face.
Struggle with rejection or self-esteem issues?
Ever been the victim of domestic or sexual abuse/violence?
Struggle with food or eating disorders?
Struggle with anger, depression or anxiety? or any other social/mental disorder?
Struggle with money or material things?
Struggle with your spouse, family or friends (in any way)?
Have you lost a loved one or had your heart broken?
Do you worry more about making others happy than being happy yourself?
Are you living a sexually immoral life (porn, cheating on spouse, sex before marriage, etc)?
Do you live in fear of weird things?
Is there ANYTHING - at all - that seems to weigh on your mind or heart that hinders your relationship with Christ, or hinders your life in any way? If so, Celebrate Recovery is the place to go to find healing for that! It may seem small to you, but any issue in our lives is HUGE to our God, and He wants to help us with it. He doesn't want anything in the way of His relationship with us!
On the Celebrate Recovery webpage, Rick Warren has a message for us. A small piece of his message reads:
"The Bible clearly states “all have sinned.” It is my nature to sin, and it is yours too. None of us is untainted. Because of sin, we’ve all hurt ourselves, we’ve all hurt other people, and others have hurt us. This means each of us need repentance and recovery in order to live our lives the way God intended."
That small portion of what he says, really says it all.
The best thing about CR is that it is completely based on the Bible, God's word.
I've found that when I tell people I attend CR, I get looks or responses that make me feel like I'm being judged. Also, many who have assumed that I go for alcohol or drug related issues. Then there are some who admit they have "issues" but then say that those things aren't bad enough for them to go to CR. Well, like I said, it may seem minor to us, but all of our issues are MAJOR in God's eyes. Why let any issue, no matter how small it may seem, keep us from having the fullest relationship with Him possible?
I am so very thankful for CR and the healing I've found in my recovery! I am in recovery multiple things, and have found amazing support and love through my struggles. I didn't think I was in need of CR. I thought that my issues were minor and could be dealt with in counseling or just on my own, because they really aren't THAT bad.
However, I have realized that counseling wouldn't have done me much good. It didn't do me any good, I tried. I tried medication and every thing else that didn't ever help anything. It's because I didn't know how to truly work through things, to face them, find and admit my own part in them and then make amends for it, or to forgive others. CR has taught me how to do all of that.
Learning how to work through things, facing them, accepting any responsibility that I have and making amends to people I've hurt has honestly made me a different person. Plus, learning to forgive others has been HUGE!!! Plus, add that there is a support network of people that understand and can help when things get tough, I can't imagine where I would be without CR!
Really, though... there isn't a person alive who wouldn't benefit from CR. I pray that word of this program spreads and that people see that this program isn't just for severe issues, it's for every single person, everywhere! I am okay with being on of "THOSE" people because it has strengthened my relationship with Christ, has allowed me to mend broken relationship from the past, as well as create new relationships that are stronger than relationships of the past!
Won't you join the amazing healing with us??? For more information, or to locate a group near you, go to the Celebrate Recovery website!
Monday, June 9, 2014
Sinful Living
A topic I've felt very affected by over the last year is willful sin. Isn't part of being a Christian about wanting to stop living in sin, as much as possible? If we justify our sin to ourselves, we are letting our flesh win over Christ. We are being more loyal to the world and our own flesh than to Christ.
Yeah, go ahead and remind me of the judgment rule. But I am not judging anyone, especially since I have a habit of justifying my own sin and just asking forgiveness for it later. We all do it, and I feel very led and convicted to do my best to knock that off and to pay more attention to what I am doing and not allow sin to deceive me. Whether it be the music I listen to, the way I treat others or what I watch on TV. I am far from perfect in any of these areas, but I have made a lot of changes. And I hope I continue to make changes as Christ moves me to do so.
James 4:17 says: So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
James 3:13 says: If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.
James 1:22-25 says: But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
James 2:14 says: What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don't show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?
I used to believe that I could watch tv or movies, as long as I didn't act out what I was seeing or letting it "affect" me. I used to believe that I could read certain books but if I didn't let it cause me to sin in a physical manner, I was okay. I felt the music I listened to wasn't going to affect my heart. I even felt that the things I say were okay, as long as I asked God to forgive me after having said them. However, I have recently been very convicted otherwise. I have to control my eyes, just as I should be controlling my tongue.
Matthew 6:22-23 says: "Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!"
The eyes cause us to sin too. If we are looking at vile or vulgar things, we are just as sinful as a person who is doing vile or vulgar things. The worst part of it, we are unaware of how bad it is and that makes it that much worse. Though, if we are aware and do nothing about it, doesn't that make it even worse than being unaware?
I've realized that when I am watching vile and vulgar things, I have vile and vulgar thoughts. Whether or not I actually act on them is not the point. In Matthew 5, it is explained that anger is just as sinful as murder (verse 22) and lust is just as sinful as adultery (verse 28). So, if I am seeing vile and vulgar things, which cause me to think vile and vulgar thoughts, I am being sinful. Whether or not I act on them is pointless since my thoughts are already just as bad as the actions.
In Psalm 101, David speaks of how he wants to live. Verses 2-4 say: I will be careful to live a blameless life - when will you come to help me? I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them. I will reject perverse ideas and stay away from every evil.
This is how I want to live. I know that I have a lot in my life that I need to change, and I am changing! I have stopped watching some tv shows I used to watch because of the content. I have chosen not to read certain books or watch certain movies due to content. And I continue to feel led to let go of new things all the time.
I am very thankful for a loving, forgiving Father that will forgive me when I sin. Though, I am also very thankful for Him giving me the desire to live in as little sin as I can. I strive to be more like Christ. I want try hard to live a sinless life, even though I know I will always fail. I do not want to purposely live a sinful life just because I know He will forgive me, I want to live a life that shows my devotion to my God and His commands!
Yes, I am well aware I will fail. I will continue to sin and will never live a completely sinless life. It is impossible to do so. I just choose to try harder, sin less and do my best to be more Christ-like each day!
Yeah, go ahead and remind me of the judgment rule. But I am not judging anyone, especially since I have a habit of justifying my own sin and just asking forgiveness for it later. We all do it, and I feel very led and convicted to do my best to knock that off and to pay more attention to what I am doing and not allow sin to deceive me. Whether it be the music I listen to, the way I treat others or what I watch on TV. I am far from perfect in any of these areas, but I have made a lot of changes. And I hope I continue to make changes as Christ moves me to do so.
James 4:17 says: So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
James 3:13 says: If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.
James 1:22-25 says: But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
James 2:14 says: What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don't show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?
I used to believe that I could watch tv or movies, as long as I didn't act out what I was seeing or letting it "affect" me. I used to believe that I could read certain books but if I didn't let it cause me to sin in a physical manner, I was okay. I felt the music I listened to wasn't going to affect my heart. I even felt that the things I say were okay, as long as I asked God to forgive me after having said them. However, I have recently been very convicted otherwise. I have to control my eyes, just as I should be controlling my tongue.
Matthew 6:22-23 says: "Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!"
The eyes cause us to sin too. If we are looking at vile or vulgar things, we are just as sinful as a person who is doing vile or vulgar things. The worst part of it, we are unaware of how bad it is and that makes it that much worse. Though, if we are aware and do nothing about it, doesn't that make it even worse than being unaware?
I've realized that when I am watching vile and vulgar things, I have vile and vulgar thoughts. Whether or not I actually act on them is not the point. In Matthew 5, it is explained that anger is just as sinful as murder (verse 22) and lust is just as sinful as adultery (verse 28). So, if I am seeing vile and vulgar things, which cause me to think vile and vulgar thoughts, I am being sinful. Whether or not I act on them is pointless since my thoughts are already just as bad as the actions.
In Psalm 101, David speaks of how he wants to live. Verses 2-4 say: I will be careful to live a blameless life - when will you come to help me? I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them. I will reject perverse ideas and stay away from every evil.
This is how I want to live. I know that I have a lot in my life that I need to change, and I am changing! I have stopped watching some tv shows I used to watch because of the content. I have chosen not to read certain books or watch certain movies due to content. And I continue to feel led to let go of new things all the time.
I am very thankful for a loving, forgiving Father that will forgive me when I sin. Though, I am also very thankful for Him giving me the desire to live in as little sin as I can. I strive to be more like Christ. I want try hard to live a sinless life, even though I know I will always fail. I do not want to purposely live a sinful life just because I know He will forgive me, I want to live a life that shows my devotion to my God and His commands!
Yes, I am well aware I will fail. I will continue to sin and will never live a completely sinless life. It is impossible to do so. I just choose to try harder, sin less and do my best to be more Christ-like each day!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
In and Out of Love
I had more thoughts to add to my last blog, though thought they deserved their own spot!
One thing that I have learned over time is that if I ended a relationship every time I thought love was gone... oh wait... I DID do that...
I was sitting here thinking about the past relationships and trying to see the pattern of "love" and when/how they ended. I ended relationships only weeks after thinking I "loved" them because that feeling was gone. And honestly, a lot of times that feeling was probably not love as much as it was lust. But either way, they ended the moment that feeling was gone.
The few relationships that I can honestly say that real feelings were involved still ended the moment I thought those feelings were gone. I always thought love was involuntary and that if it was gone then it meant we weren't supposed to be together. And even though I can admit now that things did happen how they were supposed to, it was a pattern I kept repeating, even into my current marriage.
I married my first husband for what I thought was love. We were so compatible and I thought I loved him. But, the problem there was that we allowed our love to be shared with other people rather than keeping it confined to our marriage. And because we weren't loving each other, I thought my love had faded and I left. And I soon found myself loving someone else.
Now, because I kept up that same pattern, even my second marriage faced ending too many times. I would threaten divorce just because I was unhappy with something. I would withhold my love if he upset me, or when he withheld his love. And those were the times that I felt like we were in a "loveless" marriage. And, it was loveless, because we weren't putting love into it.
But if we had ended our relationship, and I continued my pattern, I have to wonder how many relationships I would have been in and out of by now. And I would still have never learned the true beauty of what real love is and how amazing it feels!
Love isn't always involuntary. There are times that we really have to make an effort to love, and be very purposeful about it. There are going to be times that people are just simply unlovable, but we have to choose to love them anyway. And to love someone isn't just a feeling we have for them, it is the action we take for and to them.
I have never known love like this before! God's love is the only thing better than the love in my marriage! Fil and I do not HAVE to love each other, we CHOOSE to. Our love isn't something we just feel quietly within our own hearts, it is something we act on and show each other every day! Our love is more than something that just exists, it is something we built by CHOICE, TOGETHER!
One thing that I have learned over time is that if I ended a relationship every time I thought love was gone... oh wait... I DID do that...
I was sitting here thinking about the past relationships and trying to see the pattern of "love" and when/how they ended. I ended relationships only weeks after thinking I "loved" them because that feeling was gone. And honestly, a lot of times that feeling was probably not love as much as it was lust. But either way, they ended the moment that feeling was gone.
The few relationships that I can honestly say that real feelings were involved still ended the moment I thought those feelings were gone. I always thought love was involuntary and that if it was gone then it meant we weren't supposed to be together. And even though I can admit now that things did happen how they were supposed to, it was a pattern I kept repeating, even into my current marriage.
I married my first husband for what I thought was love. We were so compatible and I thought I loved him. But, the problem there was that we allowed our love to be shared with other people rather than keeping it confined to our marriage. And because we weren't loving each other, I thought my love had faded and I left. And I soon found myself loving someone else.
Now, because I kept up that same pattern, even my second marriage faced ending too many times. I would threaten divorce just because I was unhappy with something. I would withhold my love if he upset me, or when he withheld his love. And those were the times that I felt like we were in a "loveless" marriage. And, it was loveless, because we weren't putting love into it.
But if we had ended our relationship, and I continued my pattern, I have to wonder how many relationships I would have been in and out of by now. And I would still have never learned the true beauty of what real love is and how amazing it feels!
Love isn't always involuntary. There are times that we really have to make an effort to love, and be very purposeful about it. There are going to be times that people are just simply unlovable, but we have to choose to love them anyway. And to love someone isn't just a feeling we have for them, it is the action we take for and to them.
I have never known love like this before! God's love is the only thing better than the love in my marriage! Fil and I do not HAVE to love each other, we CHOOSE to. Our love isn't something we just feel quietly within our own hearts, it is something we act on and show each other every day! Our love is more than something that just exists, it is something we built by CHOICE, TOGETHER!
Love is a Choice
Being divorced, I do understand the argument to leave a marriage due to a lack of love. I left my first marriage partly due to that reason. I didn't love him the way I should as a wife, at least that was what I told myself.
So, when I felt the same way about my husband, it seemed only sensible to end things. I mean, marriage can't survive without love, right? And if I don't love him, why bother? If I don't love him the way a wife should, then it wouldn't be fair to either of us to keep going in a "loveless" marriage.
But, after some thought and prayer, we decided to keep fighting for our marriage, no matter what.
Over the last couple of years I have learned a few things. First, my marriage has definitely been through some "loveless" times. Second, there were times that the lack of love was one-sided, meaning only one of us was not loving the other. Third, love is a choice. Fourth, love is an action.
Now, what I mean by love is a choice but it is also an action is that we have to CHOOSE to love. When you are choosing to do something, you are taking action! When we love, we are taking action!
The "loveless" times in my own marriage were during times action wasn't being taken, when there was no love being shown. There were times we were both not loving, and there were times it was just one of us. But either way, we were choosing not to love each other in those times. We didn't feel like there was love because we were not providing any.
The day I got married, I really wasn't sure we'd last long. Honestly, I didn't marry for love. I married because I was pregnant and was afraid of doing it on my own. I mean, I thought I loved him, but I didn't marry him thinking that love would last forever. So, how did we make it to more than 8 years and 5 children? Well, we CHOOSE to love each other. And honestly, I thank God every day for allowing me to love such an amazing man!
It is easy to say love is involuntary, and there are times it really can be. But when you spend years with someone, things can become "normal" and boring. It can feel like the love is gone because you get caught up in the day to day and stop focusing on the love you had, thinking it would always just be there. This is where many couples decide to separate because they think they just "grew apart" or "fell out of love". Though, I argue that they stopped making a choice to love.
If you wake up every day, doing the same thing (or close to), day after day and year after year, it can get boring. And it is like that in relationships. Couples really do need to make a choice to keep that love alive, and to keep lighting the fire they felt early on. Fires only die if we don't feed them, or feed them the wrong thing. Marriage is the same way.
I choose, daily, to love my husband. I choose to uphold the vows I took the day I married him. I choose the action of love. I choose not to allow the hard times to come between us. I choose to make each day different than the last. I choose to be a wife worthy of his love. I CHOOSE my husband over everything else. I make these choices even on days I don't really feel like it, because THAT is what REAL love is, a choice.
I choose to love him every day, even when he is unlovable, because that was the promise I made to him and to God when I married him!
So, when I felt the same way about my husband, it seemed only sensible to end things. I mean, marriage can't survive without love, right? And if I don't love him, why bother? If I don't love him the way a wife should, then it wouldn't be fair to either of us to keep going in a "loveless" marriage.
But, after some thought and prayer, we decided to keep fighting for our marriage, no matter what.
Over the last couple of years I have learned a few things. First, my marriage has definitely been through some "loveless" times. Second, there were times that the lack of love was one-sided, meaning only one of us was not loving the other. Third, love is a choice. Fourth, love is an action.
Now, what I mean by love is a choice but it is also an action is that we have to CHOOSE to love. When you are choosing to do something, you are taking action! When we love, we are taking action!
The "loveless" times in my own marriage were during times action wasn't being taken, when there was no love being shown. There were times we were both not loving, and there were times it was just one of us. But either way, we were choosing not to love each other in those times. We didn't feel like there was love because we were not providing any.
The day I got married, I really wasn't sure we'd last long. Honestly, I didn't marry for love. I married because I was pregnant and was afraid of doing it on my own. I mean, I thought I loved him, but I didn't marry him thinking that love would last forever. So, how did we make it to more than 8 years and 5 children? Well, we CHOOSE to love each other. And honestly, I thank God every day for allowing me to love such an amazing man!
It is easy to say love is involuntary, and there are times it really can be. But when you spend years with someone, things can become "normal" and boring. It can feel like the love is gone because you get caught up in the day to day and stop focusing on the love you had, thinking it would always just be there. This is where many couples decide to separate because they think they just "grew apart" or "fell out of love". Though, I argue that they stopped making a choice to love.
If you wake up every day, doing the same thing (or close to), day after day and year after year, it can get boring. And it is like that in relationships. Couples really do need to make a choice to keep that love alive, and to keep lighting the fire they felt early on. Fires only die if we don't feed them, or feed them the wrong thing. Marriage is the same way.
I choose, daily, to love my husband. I choose to uphold the vows I took the day I married him. I choose the action of love. I choose not to allow the hard times to come between us. I choose to make each day different than the last. I choose to be a wife worthy of his love. I CHOOSE my husband over everything else. I make these choices even on days I don't really feel like it, because THAT is what REAL love is, a choice.
I choose to love him every day, even when he is unlovable, because that was the promise I made to him and to God when I married him!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
What a reTREAT!
What an AWESOME, AWESOME experience! This was my first ever women's retreat, and I am so very glad that I went! I can't even begin to describe the blessings that seemed to just pour out, for many, in the less than 24 hours we were together! How amazing God is!
Eat, Pray, Love. The lessons we learned about each of those topics were just great! Our speaker, Stephanie Edge, talked about what each of them meant to our spiritual walk with Christ, and how to fulfill them with His word!
Just like we eat food to stay alive, we need to be in God's word to be alive. Though, many fail to truly study the Bible. I am personally guilty of this, as I had many excuses not to be studying it. I don't have enough time, I don't know how, and I can't make it interesting were my excuses... and there are others that are regularly used.
However, learning the reasons we should study the Bible makes it even more important for me to truly begin and to take it seriously. Technically I am still a new Christian. I am still just learning and growing. But, I want to have spiritual maturity and effectiveness someday too. Plus, as our speaker said, it is also important to be in the word for spiritual warfare, because as Christians, that is a real fight that we are going to face. Plus, the ultimate goal to feed others. I can't do that if I do not know what food to offer them!
Prayer, our conversations with God. This is still new to me as well. I am learning how to pray, and learning how to effectively communicate with my Lord and Savior. Part of the message was that prayer transforms our lives. And I am quite a testimony to that truth. Since I started becoming more purposeful in my prayer, and focusing on what blessings I already have and what I can do to bless others, I have found a complete change in my attitude and desires. I do still struggle with being materialistic, but it's shifting, and that is something amazing!
Lately I have found myself praying in the shower. It really is one of the few times I am truly alone and able to have that quite time to focus on God. I am completely vulnerable and feel that in that vulnerability is when I have the most honest intentions in my prayers. One thing I have noticed is that I don't tend to pray for things for myself, I thank Him and ask that He use me to bless others. I also tend to pray for people, especially those who have hurt me in some way. And I have found some great freedom in that.
Love. The one area that we all know how to do but often hold back from doing. There are many reasons why people find it hard to show love, though the main one for me is not feeling appreciated. I struggle with this more than anything. I honestly love to love people. I try to pour my love out to others. But when I do not feel it is appreciated, or wanted, I tend to withdraw and stop showing any love to anyone. But after this retreat and really discussing this topic, I want to find more ways to pour my love out to others, and not just to people I know, because God would!
One thing we were asked to do was to make a commitment to something new. I have made the commitment to attend a women's Bible study at church that I signed up for a while ago and have never gone. I really have had zero good reasons not to go, only excuses. No more excuses, I WILL be attending! The other is begin affirmation jars for Darien and Adrien. They are growing up and need to be told how amazing they are, and we tend to get caught up and not remind them enough. With affirmation jars, they can always be reminded of how amazing they are and by our words that are permanently written!
This weekend was really just amazing! Even the sermon at church was amazing! God definitely reached out this weekend and has touched my soul in a great way!
Eat, Pray, Love. The lessons we learned about each of those topics were just great! Our speaker, Stephanie Edge, talked about what each of them meant to our spiritual walk with Christ, and how to fulfill them with His word!
Just like we eat food to stay alive, we need to be in God's word to be alive. Though, many fail to truly study the Bible. I am personally guilty of this, as I had many excuses not to be studying it. I don't have enough time, I don't know how, and I can't make it interesting were my excuses... and there are others that are regularly used.
However, learning the reasons we should study the Bible makes it even more important for me to truly begin and to take it seriously. Technically I am still a new Christian. I am still just learning and growing. But, I want to have spiritual maturity and effectiveness someday too. Plus, as our speaker said, it is also important to be in the word for spiritual warfare, because as Christians, that is a real fight that we are going to face. Plus, the ultimate goal to feed others. I can't do that if I do not know what food to offer them!
Prayer, our conversations with God. This is still new to me as well. I am learning how to pray, and learning how to effectively communicate with my Lord and Savior. Part of the message was that prayer transforms our lives. And I am quite a testimony to that truth. Since I started becoming more purposeful in my prayer, and focusing on what blessings I already have and what I can do to bless others, I have found a complete change in my attitude and desires. I do still struggle with being materialistic, but it's shifting, and that is something amazing!
Lately I have found myself praying in the shower. It really is one of the few times I am truly alone and able to have that quite time to focus on God. I am completely vulnerable and feel that in that vulnerability is when I have the most honest intentions in my prayers. One thing I have noticed is that I don't tend to pray for things for myself, I thank Him and ask that He use me to bless others. I also tend to pray for people, especially those who have hurt me in some way. And I have found some great freedom in that.
Love. The one area that we all know how to do but often hold back from doing. There are many reasons why people find it hard to show love, though the main one for me is not feeling appreciated. I struggle with this more than anything. I honestly love to love people. I try to pour my love out to others. But when I do not feel it is appreciated, or wanted, I tend to withdraw and stop showing any love to anyone. But after this retreat and really discussing this topic, I want to find more ways to pour my love out to others, and not just to people I know, because God would!
One thing we were asked to do was to make a commitment to something new. I have made the commitment to attend a women's Bible study at church that I signed up for a while ago and have never gone. I really have had zero good reasons not to go, only excuses. No more excuses, I WILL be attending! The other is begin affirmation jars for Darien and Adrien. They are growing up and need to be told how amazing they are, and we tend to get caught up and not remind them enough. With affirmation jars, they can always be reminded of how amazing they are and by our words that are permanently written!
This weekend was really just amazing! Even the sermon at church was amazing! God definitely reached out this weekend and has touched my soul in a great way!
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