Love is a Choice

Being divorced, I do understand the argument to leave a marriage due to a lack of love.  I left my first marriage partly due to that reason.  I didn't love him the way I should as a wife, at least that was what I told myself.

So, when I felt the same way about my husband, it seemed only sensible to end things.  I mean, marriage can't survive without love, right?  And if I don't love him, why bother?  If I don't love him the way a wife should, then it wouldn't be fair to either of us to keep going in a "loveless" marriage.  

But, after some thought and prayer, we decided to keep fighting for our marriage, no matter what.

Over the last couple of years I have learned a few things.  First, my marriage has definitely been through some "loveless" times.  Second, there were times that the lack of love was one-sided, meaning only one of us was not loving the other.  Third, love is a choice.  Fourth, love is an action.

Now, what I mean by love is a choice but it is also an action is that we have to CHOOSE to love.  When you are choosing to do something, you are taking action!  When we love, we are taking action! 

The "loveless" times in my own marriage were during times action wasn't being taken, when there was no love being shown.  There were times we were both not loving, and there were times it was just one of us.  But either way, we were choosing not to love each other in those times.  We didn't feel like there was love because we were not providing any.  

The day I got married, I really wasn't sure we'd last long.  Honestly, I didn't marry for love.  I married because I was pregnant and was afraid of doing it on my own.  I mean, I thought I loved him, but I didn't marry him thinking that love would last forever.  So, how did we make it to more than 8 years and 5 children?  Well, we CHOOSE to love each other.  And honestly, I thank God every day for allowing me to love such an amazing man!

It is easy to say love is involuntary, and there are times it really can be.  But when you spend years with someone, things can become "normal" and boring.  It can feel like the love is gone because you get caught up in the day to day and stop focusing on the love you had, thinking it would always just be there.  This is where many couples decide to separate because they think they just "grew apart" or "fell out of love".  Though, I argue that they stopped making a choice to love.

If you wake up every day, doing the same thing (or close to), day after day and year after year, it can get boring.  And it is like that in relationships.  Couples really do need to make a choice to keep that love alive, and to keep lighting the fire they felt early on.  Fires only die if we don't feed them, or feed them the wrong thing.  Marriage is the same way.

I choose, daily, to love my husband.  I choose to uphold the vows I took the day I married him.  I choose the action of love.  I choose not to allow the hard times to come between us.  I choose to make each day different than the last.  I choose to be a wife worthy of his love.  I CHOOSE my husband over everything else.  I make these choices even on days I don't really feel like it, because THAT is what REAL love is, a choice.

I choose to love him every day, even when he is unlovable, because that was the promise I made to him and to God when I married him!