Desires vs Needs

de·sire
dəˈzī(ə)r/
noun

a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

need (nd)
n.

A condition or situation in which something is required.
Necessity; obligation




It is so funny to me how people confuse these things.  Shoot, I am guilty of it myself.  But, it's important to understand the difference, especially for people like me.


I have an issue with addiction.  My personality just allows for me to become addicted to things, and stupid things, like soda.  I get so addicted to having it that I begin to feel like I "need" it.  But do I really need it or do I just have a strong desire for it?  

This also goes for my sexual addiction.  For so many years I used to justify my actions by saying I had needs, that my body had needs.  And for many years, I believed it myself.  I felt that we were made as sexual beings so I was only serving the needs I was created to have.  And if my needs weren't being met then I had every right to serve them in other ways.  My sexual "needs" came before the other needs I had, and they also came before the needs of other people.  And, this is where the problem was.


A lot of the problem was that I put those needs before the needs of my husband.  I just argued that he wasn't meeting my needs so I didn't have to meet his.  I would also argue that since he wasn't meeting them, I had the right to meet them myself.  Because, you know, it was completely his fault that I was not being satisfied.  He had a responsibility as my husband to meet my needs and he was failing, so he was to blame.  So, any time I took care of my own needs it was his fault because I NEEDED it and that need wasn't being met.

Acts 20:35 - I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.


Now, how ignorant does that sound?  To me, it sounds like a pretty weak argument.  Does a person really NEED sex?  Do I NEED to be sexually satisfied?  Do I really NEED more than what my husband has to offer?  


NO.  The answer is simply No.  I do not NEED anything more than what my husband has to offer.  I do not NEED sex.  All of that is a desire.  I want it.  I want to be sexually satisfied.  But I don't NEED it.  There is no necessity to sex other than procreation and pleasure between husband and wife.  I didn't want to procreate so there was ZERO need for the desires I felt.  I just desired it, and my desires tricked me.  What I found that I need is God.  That's it.  When I find satisfaction in God, I find satisfaction in all avenues of life!  It's not my husband's fault that I am not satisfied, it's my own.     

I would also argue that we were made to be sexual beings.  But that was all wrong too.  We were created to be spiritual beings.  And for a long time I confused my spirituality with my sexuality.  I replaced spiritual fulfillment with sexual fulfillment.  Instead of looking for the permanent, spiritual healing God could give me, I looked for a temporary fix in the physical form.  Just like a drug addict would with his drug of choice.  If I had just turned to the Bible instead of sex, I would have found fulfillment many years ago.  And this is true for all forms of sexual fulfillment - porn, sex outside of marriage, and self fulfillment.  Those things only give a temporary fix to something that has a permanent solution.

All sexual satisfaction is temporary.  I have never found anyone that can say they were satisfied enough for a lifetime in just one sexual encounter.  That desire begins to build back up the moment satisfaction is reached.  It may not be desired again right away.  But days, weeks, months down the road the desire will come back.  That satisfaction, no matter how great it might be, is only temporary.

However, God's love and grace is satisfaction that can last a lifetime.  It took me a while to really see this fact.  I absolutely NEED God in my life.  Over the past two years I have really learned a lot about myself, this addiction and how to continue my recovery!  The only thing that has been consistent and reliable is God.  The desires I once had for sexual fulfillment has turned into a NEED for spiritual fulfillment!  

Psalms 37:4 - Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Don't get me wrong, just like any addict, I struggle.  I won't deny that fact in the least.  But I know now that I can't allow my desires to trick me into a quick fix.  I may desire one thing, but what I NEED is completely different.  And now that I have stopped confusing those two things, I have been in much better control of my addiction and have been able to turn to God when I feel my needs are elsewhere.  


Philippians 4:19 - But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.


I will always have desires.  Everyone will always desire one thing or another.  But I now DESIRE and NEED God's love and grace!  I am comforted knowing that He will supply the things I truly NEED as long as I trust Him to do so!  And that satisfaction is WAY better than any other satisfaction I've ever felt before in my life!!!