Running from Bad

God didn't promise it would be easy, He promised it would be worth it!

There are many days that it would be easier to just give up, to walk away and do something different.  Many days that it would be easier to do anything but face what that day has brought.  Though, it doesn't matter where I go, I will always have problems.  So, I either run from things for the rest of my life or I face life as it is and make it great!

If I ran away every time there was a problem, I would never stop running.  Life is full of issues, even when we try to avoid them.  Do you wanna run at every little issue, or do you want to be able to stop running and be able to enjoy life?

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going"... Depending on your personality, this can be read different ways.  I personally think that it means that the tough people fight harder and start working through the tough stuff.  Though, I know too many people who apparently think the phrase means to literally GET GOING, and run, when things get tough.  I was even that person at one time.

Relationships, work, anything that can get hard, I would run.  I hated commitment because I wanted to be able to just walk away if I couldn't handle it.  And even when I made commitments, I barely stuck with them.  I ran, from everything.  I couldn't even keep many friendships because of it.  I hurt people I cared about because of it.  I hurt myself because of it.

Relationships were always the worst for me.  I never had much of a relationship with a guy after about 6 months.  Things would start to get hard, or I would start to care too much, so I ran.  I would cheat, lie, break up, whatever it was that would be an end to that relationship.  Because, it was just too much.  I was not the kind of person to work through things with a guy, EVER.  If we had problems, well, it wasn't worth it to even try anymore.  I gave up, walked away and just never even attempted to fix anything.

Now, I know that I can sit and dwell on things in the past, and I am very glad that my life is where it is today.  However, all of that running taught me only one thing, how to run faster and how to spot problems before they happened and get a head start.  So, it wasn't helping me, it was only making things worse.  I was hurting more and more people while trusting fewer and fewer.  Even allowed myself to ruin my first marriage, because it was easier to run than to face the problems.

Now, I admit that kids have changed me LOTS.  I still think it would be easier to run at times.  I have even had moments when I started to.  However, they give me a reason to slow down and look at what I am running from.  And, I find that I don't WANT to run anymore.  I want to slow down, enjoy the good times and face the bad.  Because my kids deserve better than that.

I know people who think Fil and I should just end it.  That we should run from our issues and let our problems win.  I know people who don't think I am good enough for him, or him for me.  I know a few people who can't understand why we continue to stand by each other, through anything and everything.  I also know a few who REFUSE to even attempt to respect our marriage and what we have worked together to build.  And some of the people have never been married, so they truly have no idea what a marriage really takes.  It is easy to walk away from someone you are simply dating, its completely different to divorce a spouse.

Is my marriage perfect?  FAR FROM IT.  I have made mistakes, he has made mistakes and together we have made mistakes.  We've made big mistakes and small mistakes.  However, the one thing I can say is that our marriage was NOT a mistake.  Our love is not a mistake.  Us fighting for each other, through everything, is not a mistake.  And anyone who thinks it is doesn't understand true love, or marriage.

Our marriage hasn't been easy, though God never said marriage would be easy.  But I can't run anymore, I need to face things I do wrong and try to fight for all the good that is in my life.  I need to hold on to the things that bring me joy (God, my husband, my children) and stop letting the bad things get between me and that happiness.  I need to face my own mistakes, repent for them, ask forgiveness and learn to move on.  I just hope that others around me can learn to do the same things.  And hope that some day people will accept me, just as I am, imperfect but happy!