Questions

Life in Germany isn't easy or for the faint at heart. While it can be an amazing experience for most, it can also be a horrifying experience for others. Being in a foreign country, away from family and close friends and sometimes starting or expanding families so far from home can be scary.

I for one feel half and half of it all. While I think living here is a once in a lifetime opportunity that should be taken advantage of, I still have a really hard time being so far from those I love. Honestly, the last two years have seemed to drag, making it feel like I've been here for five already.

We haven't done a whole lot of traveling, which I am sure is part of the reason I find it so blah and not completely happy. We are going to start planning more trips but it is hard with 2 small children and a baby on the way. Most tours and areas aren't necessarily child/stroller friendly and it makes the traveling a little difficult.

Missing family and friends is hard for me. I have met a lot of really nice people here but I don't know that I have too many I'd actually call real friends. They are nice, we get along but there isn't much time being spent hanging out. Between the colds that get passed around, husbands getting deployed and sent on TDY's, its hard to get people together. That, and those of us with small children find it more difficult, and more expensive, to get out than those who's children are in school or grown.

I do also hate that my family doesn't get to see my boys that often. Not having them around and knowing that the kids are missing out on having that closeness that I had as a child makes me sad. That causes a lot of grief for me, along with the fact that all my close friends who have small children and we aren't around them either. The boys seem to get along very well with my friends children and I'd love for us all to be closer.

Though, Filip's family is who'd I'd love to be close to. His family does have more children (since mine are technically the only kids of the family I am close to), all of which the boys seemed to bond with on our last trip to see them. Darien says that one of his cousins, Dominic, is also his best friend. He just loved him to pieces. I just wish we were closer to them and that the kids got to grow up knowing their cousins and other family.

Over the last two years, being in Germany has raised a lot of questions for me. Am I cut out for this lifestyle? Do I love Filip enough to continue living in unknown parts of the world and constantly being separated from family? Am I a strong enough person to still be mentally stable at the end of this assignment, or the end of his career??? Questions that do make a marriage hard and can sometimes end it. But, based on people I know and have talked with, this seems to be a normal part of being a spouse, especially a military spouse. We all wonder at times if we are "cut out" for this, but then we look at our husbands and realize that YES, we can get through this because they are there with us.

I may have questions at times, especially when the homesick kicks in, but I know that no matter how difficult living here may be, when it's all over I have a story to tell that many others will never have! I get to live my life with a man who has stood by me, every up and every down and never looked at me any differently than he did the day he married me. No matter my faults or short comings, he comes home to me every night to tell me he loves me and I know that I have his entire heart and body for the rest of my life!

I guess what I am trying to say is that I want all military spouses to understand that having these questions is normal. It's a normal part of marriage and especially military relationships. It just depends on how you answer the questions and what you do with them that determines their importance. I choose to answer them by saying my marriage is more important than the other stuff and that while we aren't close to them now, we will be close to family someday. He won't be in the military forever, so it's not like this will be the only thing we do. We just need to soak up what experiences we can while he's in and make the best of the next 10 years.

If you can look at it and answer the questions like that, just keep reminding yourself that it won't last forever. Even those who don't think they are strong can survive these times and make the most of it! Just remember to continually fall in love with your spouse as often and as many times as possible! Keep communicating and never hold your feelings in. Talk about them, to someone. Til next time!