Getting back to ME!

I've always put my family, mainly my kids, before anyone, including myself. I make sure their needs are met and try to meet as many of their wants as I can. I help others when I can, always making myself available to those who may need something. Know what happens when you do that too much? You start to lose yourself. I lost myself, and am on the road to finding ME again.

For those who don't know, I had a sort of mental breakdown. I spent the weekend in the hospital, by choice. The stress level had been unbearable and I finally just broke. Between the kids, other personal things, the pregnancy and just letting myself stress over all of it, I needed to just get away from it all, one way or the other. The hospital seemed to be the best option.

After a weekend there, talking to 3 different doctors and missing my family, I was able to come home. No official diagnosis yet but the general belief seems to be that I may be bipolar. This doesn't surprise me at all. Though, it is hard to deal with the fact that I may now have this label that portrays only half of the disorder on television.

The people we watch on tv who are bipolar are the extreme cases. I wouldn't be considered extreme, in fact, I'd only be considered mildly bipolar, or bipolar II. I don't get so excited and crazy right before a depression, I tend more to make major life choices or have bursts of energy that allow me to clean nonstop before having a depression. So, not horribly bad, just can cause for instability of moods and decisions.

After looking back and seeing how this has affected my marriage, I must admit that I have one crazy, but AMAZINGLY STRONG husband to stand by me through everything. Even when I was ready to walk out on him he stood by me and has always stood by me. I am pretty sure God knew what he was doing when he put this man in my life. I can't be anymore thankful for him, our children, or my closest friends.

For my husband and those friends who have helped get me through this last 2 weeks, THANK YOU. It stinks that it happened but I am glad to know who really are the real friends and who aren't. I've even been lucky to find a few people I'd ignored as friends before who really came through when I needed them, as well as had people disappoint me who I believed to be better friends.

I know that things are going to be challenging for some time, especially since I am unable to take medication. But I believe that with the support of my husband, family and closest friends, I can get through anything!