Time goes too Fast

Kids grow up way too fast.  This is a thought I am sure almost every parent has had at least once, though I am sure it's though hundreds of times a year.  It also seems like with the more children you have, the faster that time goes.  I can't believe that I am about to have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 1 year old and adding a new baby again.  Time has just gone by too darn fast.

In about a month my oldest, Darien, will turn 6.  This just seems crazy to me.  I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with him like it was yesterday.  I also remember seeing and holding him for the first time and falling in love with him in less than a second.  Though, I have these memories, and as strong, with all 3 of them.

Adrien is 4, which blows my mind.  It is weird enough have one that is about to be 6, also having a 4 year old is baffling.  I remember the hot TX summer being pregnant with him.  I remember celebrating July 4th with our closest friends and just wishing he would come out.  And, like with Darien, I remember seeing and holding him for the first time, falling in love that very instant.

Jorden just turned 1.  That is probably the hardest to believe.  The year went by insanely fast.  I am crazy amazed at how fast time has gone and how big he's gotten!  Now he's walking!!!  He's getting into everything and just causing all kinds of mischief around here!  But I have to admit that I am loving every crazy moment of it!

And within the next 7 weeks we will be adding another new baby.  That is scary and exciting all at once.  The circumstances make it more scary but I am also excited to have a new baby again.  I never thought I'd be the baby kind of person but I love them.  Sometimes I kinda wish I could shrink the three older kids back to baby size, though I enjoy watching them all grow and being able to teach them all the new things they learn!

I look awful right now but pregnancy is only temporary.  Hopefully I will look better when I am not as tired and stuck on bed rest!  Until then, I blame my boys for taking all my energy and looks, haha!  But they are worth every moment!

Uncomfortable Prengnacy

Being pregnant means being uncomfortable.  I've done it three times before and aside from having my appendix removed, this pregnancy hasn't been all too different from the others.  Until last week, that is.

Thursday morning (at 30 weeks) I woke knowing I had a fairly full day ahead.  I had to get kids off to school, wanted to go see a friend who'd just had her baby that morning, get kids from school, homework for my class and the normal daily stuff for the mom of 3 boys.  Well, I woke up feeling like something was off, very uncomfortable, but I pushed through anyway.  I had things to do and pregnancy can be like that sometimes, so I dealt with it and pushed on.

I got the kids of to school and then got ready to go visit my friend.  I carried Jorden (who is now 25lbs) up to a friends apartment on the 4th floor.  Went for our visit and did all I had to do.  That evening I was really just feeling blah.  I knew I had done too much but I hoped going to bed early and resting would help.  So, I got my shower and got ready to head to bed.

After my shower, I was doing my nightly routine of drink, bathroom and getting everything together.  When I used the bathroom, I wiped away blood.  So, I called and let them know how I'd been feeling and about the spotting (what they call it).  Just because I had been feeling bad all day and everything, they wanted me to just go in and get checked out.  And now, I am beyond glad that I did.

When I got there they hooked me up to the monitors and I realized I was having contractions every 5-7 minutes.  Baby looked great but the contractions were a problem since I'd had some bleeding.  They did their exams to find that I was bleeding inside but they couldn't exactly figure where it was coming from.  So, they ran some tests to see if they would show anything.  Well, one of these tests (hope I explain this correctly) showed that my blood count was down in the area of clotting.  Which to them says that I had a bleed somewhere that wasn't fixing itself.  They did another test which showed my levels getting lower.  So, of course, this is a problem.

After preparing me for the possibility of a c-section, the NICU if he was born, getting meds started (steroids for his lungs and magnesium for his brain), I was admitted to the hospital over the weekend and on strict bed rest with only bathroom privileges.  I was able to go to the toilet and that was about it.  I even had to get special permission just to take a shower.  So, from Thursday night to Monday, I was stuck in a bed depending on everyone else to get things for me.  It was good and awful all at the same time.

I finally spoke the the Dr Monday morning during my 3rd NST for the weekend.  She made sure that I knew just how important bed rest was at this point and let me know all the risks.  Basically, if I bleed, AT ALL, again then I will be admitted to the hospital until he is born.  If it doesn't happen again or at least holds of to about 35 weeks or later, they would probably just go ahead and deliver him.  But it would really depend on the severity and how he is doing in there.  But before that, I am a prisoner of the hospital.  She also told me that if it were to get worse I risk the baby's life and my own because of bleeding out.  So, no chances will be taken.

I had to go to OB to make NST appointments for twice a week and a growth scan.  I will now go in twice weekly and the baby will be monitored for roughly 30 minutes to an hour.  I had the growth scan this morning and talked to the Dr that is in charge of all high risk patients.

They found the small part on my placenta that seems to be torn.  I wasn't large but it was visible.  It's one that could easily go either way, as in get better or worse, so he wants to keep a close watch on baby and me to ensure we get through as long as possible for a healthy birth! As long as all seems to be well with baby, then at 34 weeks we will discuss increasing my activity.  Around 36 weeks I will likely be taken off bed rest completely.  If I happen to still be pregnant at 39 weeks, I will be induced to ensure no further damage to the placenta. 

So, basically I know now that I will have a baby in 8 weeks or less since I am now 31 weeks.  I wish it wasn't under these conditions but I am glad they are taking this seriously and not just waiting to see how things go without some precautions in place.  We have a plan and everyone is on board.  Now, I just pray I can stay out of the hospital until it's time to have this little boy!

Life, Unexpected

Before reading this, I have to state that nothing has been "proven" so this is an alleged incident.


Everyone has experienced something in their life that was unexpected and probably changed the course of their life, at least once.  I know I've experienced a lot of unexpected things and each of those things surely changed my life in one way or another.  Though, most of those things were probably very little and almost unnoticeable.  I may not have expected it at that time but it was bound to happen and it turned out just to be God working to get me where I was supposed to end up.

What about those HUGE things that happen, though?  And what if it's something that could be classified as a horrible thing to happen, even if a blessing manages to come out of it?  Well, my family is able to understand this situation, even if we can't answer these questions.

Babies are blessings, gifts from God, no matter how or when they are conceived.  I have always believed this and nothing will change my opinion of that.  God should be praised with every new life, and I will always praise Him for the lives he has given to me when he gave me my children.  But, I will acknowledge that I now understand one very hard and dark consideration that women make.  A consideration that I believed was appropriate in certain circumstances.

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant.  This pregnancy was unexpected, to say the least, and definitely not something that was planned.  As you may remember, my husband deployed in February.  So, any person able to do math (and know the actual gestation length/times) would easily figure out that this pregnancy occurred after he was gone.  And yes, it certainly did.  However, I will make one thing VERY clear:  I was NOT {willingly} unfaithful to my husband.

Unfortunately it appears as though I trusted the wrong person and allowed myself to be in a situation that another man apparently thought it was okay to take advantage.  This person was someone we all thought of as family to us, so to say it was unexpected in an understatement.  I still, even 6 months later, can't believe that this person betrayed me (and my entire family) the way he did.

As much as I could go on about that, that is not the point of me writing.  It happened, it sucks and will now have a blessing added to our family.  Another child.  I considered having an abortion when I first found out.  It was what I thought I would do in this situation, and completely believed it was an acceptable answer.  I didn't ask for this, it wasn't me choosing to lay down with a man, this was essentially rape.  And in that case, I could understand someone choosing abortion.  So, I looked into it and got all the information I could.  At the same time, I prayed.  Asked God what to do.  I did blame myself because I could have done so much different and it was my own fault I was in that position, so in a way I felt like I was being punished for drinking or something.  Though, what I quickly realized, my fault or not, this baby wasn't at fault.  They didn't ask to be conceived.  Why would I kill someone that had no blame?  And my entire opinion changed and I came to find that I don't believe that even in cases of rape/assault that abortion is an acceptable decision.

I also considered adoption.  Talked to families and even had the one family I would have adopted to right then.  But, pregnancy takes a while so I had time to really consider everything.  My feelings, my husbands feelings my kids' feelings, the rest of our family's feelings and what this child would possibly feel.  After discussing things with close friends, family and my husband, I decided that adoption just wasn't right for me.  Yes, raising this child is going to be a challenge in ways, but he's my child.  No matter how it happened, it did happen and I needed to look at the blessing of it, not the wrong that was done. 

I have 3 children, all boys!  Well, in less than 8 weeks we will add another little man to love!  It was unexpected, and very hard to make decisions about what to do but even with all of the things that have come from this, I know I am blessed!

I have an amazing husband who has stood by me through everything.  He's understood my feelings and been a rock through it all.  My kids are too young to understand but are sure excited to have another brother!  And although I know that our hard road isn't over, I know our road to an amazing life has still only just begun!

It's not easy and this pregnancy has definitely been a rough one.  I am currently on bed rest (will post about that later) and will be until the end as of right now.  I had my appendix removed at  17 weeks along and just everything seems to make this a rough go for me.  But, today I saw this little boy on ultrasound and it reminded me just how awesome life is!  And whatever it takes to make sure this baby is born happy, healthy and when he is a little bit bigger, I will do!  I already love him :)  He's part of my life, unexpected.