Flawed Marriage

I have a flawed marriage... because I have a flawed husband... And he has a flawed wife.

And the sad thing about it is not that we have a flawed marriage... it's that people would actually encourage us to end it.

What happened to the days when people fought to keep the people they cared about?  What happened to marriage being FOREVER, thru all that life brings (good times and bad, sickness and health)... you know... what happened to actually standing by the vows taken on wedding day?

Society as a whole has damaged marriage.  Many try to blame gay marriage for the decline, but marriage was long damaged before that even became something that could be damaging. 

People get married for money, for status, for benefits... for so many reasons other than commitment. Then, when life happens, they run out and divorce.  So, if you ask me, the damage to marriage isn't a lack of love... it's a lack of commitment to love.  

And I speak from experience...

It's funny when I hear people say "I just fell out of love with him/her".  Heck, I was one of the people saying that.  I married my first husband fast, and left him even faster.  I used the line "I just don't love him anymore".  However, the issue wasn't that I had fallen out of love,  I just didn't commit to loving him.  

So, it shouldn't come as any surprise that I nearly left my current (and last) husband when "I just didn't love him anymore".  Though, again, it wasn't that I didn't love him, I just didn't commit to loving him.  

See, love is an action... not an involuntary feeling.  Love is something we do, a choice... it is not something that just happens.  So, marriage requires love to be a choice to commit to loving your spouse, even when- especially when- you don't "feel" like it.  

Society has said "to heck with commitment, do what makes YOU happy and follow your heart".  Well, my heart (feelings) lied to me... and had I followed it, I would be divorced a second time... and most likely not very happy.  Thank God I didn't follow society's logic and committed to love my husband, even when I didn't "feel" like it...

I won't say that our marriage is all sunshine and rainbows.  We definitely face storms.  But, because of our commitment to each other, we don't allow our momentary feelings decide the outcome of our marriage during those storms.  We commit, we choose to love, and we choose to stick it out thru those storms. So that when the sunshine and rainbows are out, we can enjoy them together!  

If you are reading this and have felt, or are feeling, like you "just don't love" your spouse anymore, I encourage you to change your commitment to them.  Stop committing only to loving them in the good times... Start committing to loving them in the bad, and worse, times too.  Show your commitment by daily reminders, thru your actions.  It won't be over-night, but if BOTH of you are TRULY committed, I promise things will get better and you will begin to "feel" that love again. 

I have a flawed marriage... And we have never been more in love than we are today, because we both KNOW we are committed to each other!
 

Early Intervention NEEDS Our Intervention

I am a mother of five children, two of which have used Early Intervention services due to developmental delays.  This program was a substantial part of their learning and development.  It was also very important in my own learning of how to better work with my children!  It's a program I am forever thankful for.  Here are Adrien and Jonathen's stories...

Adrien was 18 months old and barely saying mama or dada, his temper tantrums were unlike anything I had ever seen before, he refused to let me leave him anywhere, he didn't play with other kids, and he just wasn't good at any kind of social behaviors that he should have been doing at that age. 

When he was evaluated, the original thought was that he had Autism.  So, we created a plan to help him, help us and begin better relationship with him.  Though, after just a couple months of working with his therapist, we saw astronomical improvements in his language skills and social behaviors.  Though, he still needed a lot of help in specific areas.  However, we lost services because of funding.  We were in Germany.  It was good that he just so happened to qualify to attend the Sure Start preschool the following year.

Now, we have Jonathen.  After an illness when he was nearing his first birthday, he regressed and struggled to regain the skills he once had.  He had started to say mama and dada, but quit after that.  He had started to walk, but then had trouble crawling after that.  Again, I thought Autism, especially the way it seemed to happen.  At 18 months old, he still wasn't able to say basic words and barely even did much babble. He was still struggling to walk again and just didn't do what other kids his age (or even kids much younger) were doing.  Early Intervention came in and, once again, helped us put the pieces together.  His progress was VERY SLOW.  I did begin to wonder, after a few months, if he would ever hit some of the milestones we set goals for (and believe me, our goals were very small for him).

He received physical therapy for a year, but did catch up in that time to at least not require services.  However, his speech/language ability was still largely delayed after a year and is currently receiving services. And even now, almost 2 years of services, he still really needs it.  But, apparently they are no longer being funded.

It's good for us that he goes into the school system soon, but other kids are not so lucky.  Kids are losing their educational assistance through Early Intervention because they don't have funding...???  Why in the world does this incredibly important program not have funding?

I don't know who is at fault, and frankly, I don't care.  We just need a solution.  Families NEED a solution - a solution that gets this program funded and back running to assist the families with children who need services.

We need to be the voice for these children that can't speak for themselves.  We need to stand up and let the state know that our children deserve better! 

If you are interested in helping this fight, here are some pages to visit and find out more about what you can do to help support this fight:

I NEED EI -- Southern IL Action - https://www.facebook.com/groups/896483647092155/

I Need EI - https://www.facebook.com/ineedei?fref=ts

Illinois Developmental Therapy Association - https://www.facebook.com/Illinois-Developmental-Therapy-Association-311153305572207/timeline/

Families, Friends & Fans of IL EI Children - https://www.facebook.com/illinoiseichildren

I Support Illinois Early Intervention - https://www.facebook.com/groups/isupportei/


JOIN THE FIGHT!  FOR THE CHILDREN!    

Being Hidden is a Compliment!

I recently learned of a few people, completely unknown to each other, that have shared that they blocked my Facebook posts from their news feed.  They will go check randomly to see what I am up to but they do not want to see my posts in their news feed.  Now, usually this would bother me.  But when I was aware of the reason, I took it as a compliment!

You see... there is this guy that changed my life and I like to share things about Him on my page... His name is Jesus... and there are people out there who don't believe as I do and wish not to see those things.  And that is okay.  But if I am posting enough about Him to impact a person enough to hide my posts from their feed, I smile about that!

I do wish everyone believed in Him, and I pray for those who don't, but we don't have to have the same beliefs to stay connected.  I am glad that they did care enough not to completely delete me, but I am also glad that it speaks to the things I post!

I want my posts to be a true representation of who I am, what I believe and WHO my life is lived for.  I try very hard to share His work in my life, just to be a testimony to those who may not believe, or those who do but do not trust.  I want others to see what He has done in our lives, even if it means being hidden by some.

I used to feel hurt that my beliefs would cause people to hide my posts, or even delete me completely (that has happened too).  I used to wonder if I should just keep things to myself and not share about my faith.  I used to worry that sharing too much would make me seem like a "Bible thumper".  

Well, now I smile and feel blessed that I am being seen that way.  I am not longer worried about whether I should keep my faith to myself or what someone else may think of it!  I am proud to be God's daughter, and proud to share about how He has blessed me!  So, I will smile and accept being hidden as a compliment!

I don't want to be a leader, I want to be His servant!

Ever since I learned about (and really understood) Celebrate Recovery, I have felt an immense pull toward the ministry.  And not just in an attendance sort of way, but in a leadership sort of way.  I can't exactly explain it, but when I say I've felt very strongly about being part of it, I mean in a HUGE way.  Well, it appears as though God is showing me that path now.

After bringing it up to our home church's lead pastor, Filip and I are in heavy prayer about beginning the Celebrate Recovery program!!!  This prospect is incredibly exciting!  Though, I will admit, I have some nerves happening as well!

Though, after a very intense and powerful message at church this morning, I am reminded that I should not have anxiety about it.  Because God is working, and will work, in this!  Celebrate Recovery is HIS ministry!  Something a very wise person said to me the other night, and the motto I will remember and strive to stand by -

God is the leader of Celebrate Recovery, I am His servant.  

I will be in a place to serve others through their recovery 

and to help them find their healing in Jesus Christ!

I don't want to be a leader, I want to be a servant!  And though my title would be leader, I know that my true position is to be a servant to Christ!  I will want to be His arms and legs, to speak His words with His heart, to do His will in everything!  So, I will do my best as His servant to lead others to Him!

My story, our story... one that I pray will be used to encourage those who find themselves sitting in front of us at meetings.  I am so thankful to the work God has done in our lives, especially now that we will get to share that in a much more powerful way!

I am asking that our friends be in prayer with us as we step out in faith to begin such a wonderful ministry!  We know God is here, walking in front of us, guiding our path!  We know He will do the work He needs done!  

And a major THANK YOU to those who have already been in prayer with us!  We appreciate all the faithful people in our lives!  But we have so many faithful people because we have such a faithful God!  What an amazing God He is!

Nestled in God's hands!

How do I do this?  How could I possibly handle it?  Will I have all of my hair at the end?  Can I really care for 5 kids, on my own, without the husband, for 6 full weeks?  OH MY... Talk about stressful thinking and worry like no other.

A few weeks ago my husband was told he would be going to a class in another state for 6 weeks.  Now, some people will say "oh, it's ONLY 6 weeks" while others have said "woah, 6 weeks?"... and here I am thinking both.  Yes, it's ONLY 6 weeks, but it's also 6 weeks away from the man I love... alone with all 5 of our children... without the normal assistance and companionship I get from him.  That makes 6 weeks an awful long time.

And to be honest, I get kinda frustrated when people say that.  I know it's only a short time, especially in terms of military duties.  But, we haven't had much of this.  And the last time he was gone, we had a terrible, horrible situation happen.  So... yeah... 6 weeks, to me, is pretty intense right now.

So, I was pretty much freaking out.  I am a worrier, big time.  I go through all the worst possible situations and then fear them happening to us.  I worry that I won't be able to handle it.  I worry about every.possible.thing.  And this brought tons of worry... Until...

A friend shared something the other morning, which just happened to be the last day he would be with us before leaving.  She posted about how her foster child was happy, even though her life situation is anything but good.  Here is what she said:

         "This morning started out with me seeking God's direction in several areas of my life. And as always, I was able to read some great truths from Jeremiah, Paul in Romans and from my daily devotional.

But I think the real truth came from the baby girl nestled by my side. She's our foster baby and had woken up early this morning, hungry and wet, and I had taken care of her needs. I'd snuggled her for awhile and then laid her beside me while I opened my bible and journal to read, write and pray. She'd been perfectly content, cooing, watching me, playing with my fingers, and looking up at me and knowing I'm the one who meets her needs. And then she quietly fell asleep.

But the truth of the matter is that her life is not so great right now. Yesterday we received bad news regarding her parents. It breaks my heart for this beautifully and perfectly created baby girl. From a human perspective, the future of her life is unknown and it doesn't look good. Yet she's content and she's happy. She trusts Scott and I and our boys. She's joyful and is doing exactly what a typical 5 month old should be doing.
And then I felt the Lord speaking to me that this is exactly how I should view 2015. I should view this year just as Baby V does. I have no idea what the new year holds but I can trust the One who can see into the future. I have no idea of the steep hills I'll have to climb or the valleys I'll have to endure but my Father will be there to walk with me. I'm not yet aware of my needs but I know who will meet all of them in Christ Jesus. Just like Baby V, this year is unknown and completely out of my hands. The only thing I can do is to be the child that God has created me to be, His child, and to place my trust in Him each day. And I have no doubt that I can look to Him to meet my needs, care for me and guide me. I'm so grateful for a loving Father who cares for His children."

Then it hit me.  Why was I worrying?  God's got this.  I don't know what the next 6 weeks have in store, but I know that God will take care of us through anything.  I do pray it's uneventful, but in the event we have something exciting happen, I know I have a dependable Father that will see us through.  And THAT is comforting.  

I also want to take the mindset through the rest of the year as well.  I don't know what is in the year ahead.  I know what plans we have, but I don't know what plans He has.  I just know that I can trust His plans, even not knowing them.  I want to feel the comfort of being nestled tightly to Him, knowing that He is taking care of my needs and that I can be happy there!

What is your mindset going to be for 2015?