Parents Raise Parents

Parenting.  Everyone who is a parent knows that it isn't easy.  We are responsible for these lives, keeping them safe, happy and healthy.  There are times we find trouble in keeping ourselves safe, happy and healthy so to add more lives into needing us to do those things, it can be a hard task.  Though, no matter how hard it is, God chose us to do it!  God designed it this way.

I am going to give a recap of our sermon, as I understood it, and as I hope to apply it in our lives. 

Many people believe that they only need to teach their kids enough to get them to 18 years old and out of the house.  There are some who think they just need to be contributing members of society.  Some feel that as long as they are happy, it doesn't matter how they turn out.  Well, what about their future roles in life? 

As our pastor said this weekend, we are raising future wives and husbands, future mothers and fathers.  We are responsible for the wife/mother or husband/father that our children become.  Think about your role as they see it.  Would you be happy if they treated their spouse or children how they see you act?  Would you be happy if they were treated that way?  Our purpose, as parents, is to teach them how to treat their future spouse and children, and they learn by example.  Be their parent first, once they are an adult with their own family, you will then find friendship with them.

Our children will become what we are.  And yes, there are exceptions to this, though the vast majority follow in their parents footsteps.  I do not have daughters, but I have 4 sons that I hope grow up to be great men, husbands and fathers.  Though, how can they be if we do not set a model for them to follow?  If Fil was mean to me or if we fought all the time, they would grow up seeing that as normal.  And that would turn into the normal for them, in their own homes, later. 

Our church asked some people if they felt it was more important to be a parent or a friend to your children.  Every single answer was that it should be a balance of the two.  Well, that just isn't true.  Children will have enough friends, they NEED parents.  They need a model of how to behave and treat people.  They NEED discipline.  They need guidance.  With all of those needs, there isn't time to be a friend.  Plus, as I said above, we are raising them to be future spouses and parents, teaching friendship will fall in there on it's own.

Now the other issue I see all the time is that parents want to shelter their kids from the world.  They believe that hiding their kids from what's out there is protecting them.  Well, that isn't true either.  As parents we could keep them from everything, but what happens when they go into the world on their own for the first time and experience everything without us.  It will be a shock to them, and that is when you find that a lot of young people struggle with finding balance.  They don't know how to react or how to feel about it.  They get lost or act out, and it can be very dangerous.

Don't shelter them from the world, EXPOSE the evil that is out there.  When you expose things to them, you give yourself an opportunity to talk about it with them and to teach them why it's evil and how to handle it.  Now, this isn't say to show them a video of bad things and talk about it.  This means, don't try to hide the real, everyday world from them.  Here is a great example that I see the most commonly:

Sex.  Parents think that by not talking to their children about sex, they can delay them having sex.  However, that evil is out there, everywhere, even among YOUNG children.  This is not something we can, or even should, shelter our kids from hearing about.  Our youth needs to talk about it, needs to know about it.  But what they need to know is what the Bible says and WHY.  If we do not talk to them about it, they learn from peers, tv, movies and just in society.  They learn what society says is normal for sex, not what God says the design for it is.  So, do not try to shelter them.  Have an open dialogue with them with the word of God and and honest heart. 

I know I don't have this down myself, but I hope to start being the mother and wife God intended me to be.  I have come a LONG way since they day I got married and I pray that God never stops changing my heart!  I pray that I never stop changing and growing in His word.  I pray that I am the kind of wife and mother that God is proud of! 

In one of my book studies I came to tears, and I still feel the same way, when discussing the marriage that I have.  Are we perfect?  NO.  Do we always get it right?  HA... NO WAY.  Our marriage is far from perfect and we mess up all the time.  We haven't always relied on God and we still have moments that we don't rely on Him completely.  We are learning, we are trying.  However... after all that our marriage has been through, I would be proud if my boys were the kind of man that their father is.  He fights for our marriage.  He fights for me.  He fights for our love.  He NEVER gives up.  And we are really turning our lives and our marriage over to God as part of our fight for each other!  And that is one quality I want them to learn, one aspect of marriage they NEED to know.