Gold Medal Mom?

Today I had an appointment, one that I needed to have as part of our clearing to get out of here.  We move in March and trying to get everything done so we can get our official orders!  Anyway, this appointment was to clear me with the mental health because I was seen there after finding out about being pregnant with Jonathen.  I was treated for severe, situational depression and anxiety.  I stopped going back in September when I found that my doctor was leaving.  I didn't want to start all over with a new doctor and only see them for a short couple of months and end up leaving.  So, I had to clear with them and have them sign off on my paperwork.  They put me with the doctor I happened to see when I wanted to be put on medication, though she denied it because of the pregnancy and asked that I truly consider whether or not I truly needed the medication.

While I was in there, we went through the last year and just letting this doctor get a good understanding of what was going on and about my history.  After some discussion and her looking through my record, it seems that most of my "depression" was during pregnancy and after a pregnancy loss. 

Obviously it is expected to have some depression after pregnancy loss, especially when it was a pregnancy we were trying for.  Though, I am at a loss as to what happens to me during pregnancy that causes me to be depressed.  I realize that hormones are crazy and all sorts of changes, but such severe depression?  Weird.

Though, after I have my babies, I seem to bounce back with fury.  Even now, 4 weeks (man I can't believe it's already been 4 weeks) after having Jonathen, I feel GREAT!  Maybe my honeymoon phase lasts longer than most after having babies, I really do not know.  But she commented on how great and happy I look, compared to the last time she saw me. 

We talked about the kids and just made small talk while she filled out and signed my papers.  She told me how she had 1 son, her only child, and she has no clue how I do it with 4.  Not just that I have 4 but that they are all so close in age.  I told her that it can get difficult, frustrating and insane at times but that I just do it.  There isn't any real "trick" or secret, I just wake up every day and do what I have to do, love my children and start all over each morning.  She told me I was strong because her 1 child was rough enough, 4 would have terrified her.

Then we talked about what I do with my spare time.  I told her I was taking college course and starting to get ready for the PCS.  Plus trying to make time for "girl time" and other adult time that I very much need.  She was dumb-founded by that.  I thought her mouth was going to hit the floor when I told her I was taking classes.  That was when she told me I deserved a gold medal for all that I do and still being able to make time for myself.

Now, I don't feel like I deserve a gold medal.  I am not doing anything that other mothers don't do.  I wake up, do the best I can for my family and myself and that's it.  I am not supermom, I don't go above and beyond, I do what I am capable of to make my family happy and keep them healthy.  I feel that the "gold medal" that I get is knowing that my kids are pretty well behaved kids that are doing amazingly in school! 

I am very proud of my boys, and proud that I have been able to teach them enough that they are great at school and respect adults!  I know a few other moms that DO deserve gold medals, I am just not one of them.  But I appreciated the compliment and will continue to love my boys and teach them and keep praying that they will grow up to be happy, healthy, honest, respectful and loving!