Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. This is always the time of year we begin to think about all the things we are thankful for. When I look around and think about all the things I have, I could list things I am thankful for and be here for days. I've had such a good life, even in the bad times, and am truly thankful for all of it.
I'm thankful that my husband has a job that almost ensures us a paycheck. I'm thankful that paycheck has allowed for me to stay home with our children and for things I like to have. I'm thankful for family and friends that support me. I'm thankful for my children. I'm thankful for ALL of life's everyday blessings.
Like I said, I could be here for days trying to list everything I have to be thankful for. The thing I am MOST thankful for is God's love. I know I still have days when I struggle, but I know he's always there and is keeping me safe and loved. He is the one who has given me all the things I am thankful for. Without Him, my life wouldn't be the same.
What are you thankful for this holiday season?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I Asked for That Already
A little over a year ago was the first REALLY scary moment of being a mom. The day that Adrien fell off a bar stool and passed out. Then, just a few short months ago was another scary day when Darien fell over and hit his head so hard he basically had a seizure. Both events were equally horrifying. They were two of the most scary days I've ever experienced. Well, today I believe I really experience the scariest day of being a mom, thus far.
Jorden has been sick. He's congested and raspy and has been coughing. I took him to his 2 month check-up, just 2 days after being in the ER, and asked his Dr for the medicine to use in a nebulizer. I was told it was unnecessary because the inhaler should do enough. Seeing as how we SHOULD be able to put faith in our medical care, I didn't push the issue. Less than 48 hours later I ended up calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital.
Because I was told he was okay, I went ahead and kept my plans for the night, leaving Jorden with my friends teenage daughter while we all went out. I gave him all his meds, including his inhaler, before we left. I worried the entire time but trusted the doctors assessment of him.
After being out until really late, having some drinks and not getting much sleep I was awoken very early by the sound of Jorden coughing. This coughing wasn't just a simple cough. It was cough after cough with hardly any time between for breathing. After the girl hands him to me I watch as he coughs, not being able to get any breaths in between, causing him to turn blue and then purple pretty quickly. That moment has so far been the scariest moment of being a mom.
I get my husband out there, he takes him and goes to the bathroom for the hot water vapor while I call an ambulance. They get there, check him out and without hesitation tell us they are taking us to the German Children's hospital. I, of course, was okay with this. When we arrive, the doctor swabs his nose and throat to be sure there is no bacteria keeping him from getting better. They also start a breathing treatment while we wait.
After listening to him, doing a thorough check and negative labs for bacteria, she gives us our instructions. We are to give him breathing treatments 3x's a day with a nebulizer. Huh. Exactly what I asked for just the other day. Otherwise not much was said, but it's obviously in his lungs if they are giving me the breathing treatments.
Since getting the meds for the nebulizer and using it, he sounds so much better than he did before. He is raspy but nothing like he was. He is even happier, less fussy and all around just acting like a fairly normal baby. It is pretty sad that I now have more confidence in the German medical care than I do in the military medical care. They've (the American doctors) proven once again that they stink and don't really know what they are talking about.
I'm just sick of them proving this when it's my child's health that is in question.
Jorden has been sick. He's congested and raspy and has been coughing. I took him to his 2 month check-up, just 2 days after being in the ER, and asked his Dr for the medicine to use in a nebulizer. I was told it was unnecessary because the inhaler should do enough. Seeing as how we SHOULD be able to put faith in our medical care, I didn't push the issue. Less than 48 hours later I ended up calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital.
Because I was told he was okay, I went ahead and kept my plans for the night, leaving Jorden with my friends teenage daughter while we all went out. I gave him all his meds, including his inhaler, before we left. I worried the entire time but trusted the doctors assessment of him.
After being out until really late, having some drinks and not getting much sleep I was awoken very early by the sound of Jorden coughing. This coughing wasn't just a simple cough. It was cough after cough with hardly any time between for breathing. After the girl hands him to me I watch as he coughs, not being able to get any breaths in between, causing him to turn blue and then purple pretty quickly. That moment has so far been the scariest moment of being a mom.
I get my husband out there, he takes him and goes to the bathroom for the hot water vapor while I call an ambulance. They get there, check him out and without hesitation tell us they are taking us to the German Children's hospital. I, of course, was okay with this. When we arrive, the doctor swabs his nose and throat to be sure there is no bacteria keeping him from getting better. They also start a breathing treatment while we wait.
After listening to him, doing a thorough check and negative labs for bacteria, she gives us our instructions. We are to give him breathing treatments 3x's a day with a nebulizer. Huh. Exactly what I asked for just the other day. Otherwise not much was said, but it's obviously in his lungs if they are giving me the breathing treatments.
Since getting the meds for the nebulizer and using it, he sounds so much better than he did before. He is raspy but nothing like he was. He is even happier, less fussy and all around just acting like a fairly normal baby. It is pretty sad that I now have more confidence in the German medical care than I do in the military medical care. They've (the American doctors) proven once again that they stink and don't really know what they are talking about.
I'm just sick of them proving this when it's my child's health that is in question.
Friday, November 18, 2011
love and heartbreak
Heart breaks suck. Yup, straight to the point and no working up to that fact. Heart breaks absolutely stink.
I was recently reminded of a time my heart was broken as a teenager. Someone I cared for, more than I should have, tore my heart right out. You wouldn't have known it then, but it did a lot of damage. Though, I knew the circumstances and shouldn't have been hurt by it but I started to really "love" him. I believe that was about the time I quit caring so much about people (guys in particular) so deeply.
Don't get me wrong, I still cared about them, just quit allowing myself to get wrapped up in feelings. It became easier and easier to walk away and let go. I started to use that heart break to remind me of why guys weren't good enough for me. This leading to a couple of years that I couldn't stand to be alone, but also couldn't stay with the same guy for very long.
Now, being reminded of that reminds me of how easy it was for me to fall for someone. How easily I began to care about people. But I also feel like it may be the beginning of why I've closed myself off from people, even those who could be friends.
I feel like I can easily talk to people but it takes A LOT for me to open up and open my heart to people. And, just like that time, most times I end up hurting. Many people have asked me why I don't stop opening up to people. Well, I don't want to be lonely.
If I'd never endured heart break it means that I'd never experienced love. I wouldn't want to go through life not knowing the kind of love that hurts when it's taken away. Family, boyfriends and friends who have broken my heart just goes to show that I've been lucky enough to feel love for many people in my life.
I have no doubt that I will continue to feel heart break for as long as I live. Though, I will forever remember that first real heart break and know that I was truly lucky to experience it.
I was recently reminded of a time my heart was broken as a teenager. Someone I cared for, more than I should have, tore my heart right out. You wouldn't have known it then, but it did a lot of damage. Though, I knew the circumstances and shouldn't have been hurt by it but I started to really "love" him. I believe that was about the time I quit caring so much about people (guys in particular) so deeply.
Don't get me wrong, I still cared about them, just quit allowing myself to get wrapped up in feelings. It became easier and easier to walk away and let go. I started to use that heart break to remind me of why guys weren't good enough for me. This leading to a couple of years that I couldn't stand to be alone, but also couldn't stay with the same guy for very long.
Now, being reminded of that reminds me of how easy it was for me to fall for someone. How easily I began to care about people. But I also feel like it may be the beginning of why I've closed myself off from people, even those who could be friends.
I feel like I can easily talk to people but it takes A LOT for me to open up and open my heart to people. And, just like that time, most times I end up hurting. Many people have asked me why I don't stop opening up to people. Well, I don't want to be lonely.
If I'd never endured heart break it means that I'd never experienced love. I wouldn't want to go through life not knowing the kind of love that hurts when it's taken away. Family, boyfriends and friends who have broken my heart just goes to show that I've been lucky enough to feel love for many people in my life.
I have no doubt that I will continue to feel heart break for as long as I live. Though, I will forever remember that first real heart break and know that I was truly lucky to experience it.
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