Five Boys? I'm Sorry... NOT!!!

Wow.  Sometimes that is all I can think.  Just WOW!

Finding out I was pregnant was so very exciting!  I couldn't wait to get home to even take the test, much less wait to tell my husband the exciting news!  I was grinning ear to ear, surprised that the people I was with didn't notice something was up.  But, none-the-less, I was ecstatic and felt extremely excited to be expecting a baby!

Now, if I told you that the experience above was my first pregnancy, you would - without a doubt - understand my excitement and even feel excited for me.  But, how would that change if I told you that it was the 6th pregnancy?  Would you still feel that excitement for me or would it be something else?  (and just quickly, it is my 6th pregnancy but will be my 5th child... I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2009).

So, honestly... I wonder how many people would still feel the crazy excitement knowing I was now expecting a 5th child as they would if I were expecting my 1st child.  However, judging by some of the comments I've heard, not many would be excited.  In fact, I think they'd feel sorry for me, or worried for me.  But I don't understand why.

My excitement was ridiculous when I found out!  It is actually hard to explain how excited and happy I felt seeing that second pink line show up!  Like I said, ear to ear grin, and felt like I would explode if I didn't share with my husband right away!

So, imagine my disappointment when I was met with less than exciting comments from people - people I didn't even know.  Once I started showing, which wasn't long, it began.  No matter where we were, people would see me out with my four kids and have their questions and comments.  It normally started with "are they all yours?"... to which I would answer "yes"... and then "wow, and you're having another? you really have your hands full".  

At first it wasn't too bad, but then I got some comments I wasn't so sure of.  Since I have all boys, people automatically assume I only got pregnant again to try for a girl.  So, of course when they hear I am having another boy the response is "oh, I'm sorry" or "wow, you really need a girl".  Though, I don't get it.

WHY?  Why is someone else sorry that I am having another boy?  And why do I NEED a girl?  I don't understand the need to feel sorry for me, or to tell me what I need.  What I NEED is people to be happy for me and to appreciate the gifts God has entrusted me with.

I used to think I would miss out on something by not having a girl.  Though, what I have come to realize is that I am not missing out on anything, I have more than enough of what I need!  I may not have that girl to dress up, paint nails and do manis and pedis with, but do I really NEED that?  Nope.  

What I do have is 5 amazing little guys who remind me each day the miracle of God's creations and love.  There is a reason God has entrusted these lives with us, and I have great joy in knowing that He chose us to love, nurture, and teach these boys so that they should one day return to His kingdom!  What a blessing it is to be so trusted by Him!

So, to those who think that having five children - five boys at that - is a curse, please keep those comments to yourself.  I will never feel ashamed or sad about it, and you shouldn't either.  My children, my young men, are not a curse!  They are blessings!  My hands my by full, but so is my heart!

I'm not a one guy type of girl!

"I just never thought I would be a one guy kind of girl"

Yes, this is a statement I have made... and now realize the truth behind it.  However, the meaning behind that comment is vastly different today than it was when I originally said it four years ago.

For some reason today, a conversation I had with a friend popped into mind as I was thinking about how different my life is today from just a few years ago.  Though, what I realized when I thought about it is that I still can't see myself as a "one guy kind of girl".  However, the meaning of that statement has changed tremendously.

The first time I made that statement, it was because I wasn't happy in my marriage and thought other men would "fix" my problem.  The thought of being married to one guy, only being with one man for the rest of my life, just wasn't very appealing.  Surely I wasn't meant to "settle", I wanted to continue exploring.  Why be restricted to just one guy when there were so many out there?!

Though, I have come to realize that was SOOOO wrong.  Being married to the one man is exactly what I want (and very much NEED)!!!  I was definitely missing something, though it wasn't what I thought it was.  I was missing fulfillment.  But the kind of fulfillment that I was missing couldn't come from any man here on Earth, it could only come from God. 

Now that I have found that fulfillment, and have allowed God to help fill the places of my heart and soul that I tried to fill with men, I see how that statement was so very wrong. 

However, I will never be a one guy girl... I can't be, EVER...

God has blessed me with not just one guy, he has blessed me with six of them!  I can't possibly be a one guy girl when I have six guys who depend on me every single day!!!  So, my statement was correct, just made in the wrong context the first time it was made. 

I do believe God knew what he was doing when he gave me all boys!  I didn't understand it, and in many ways I still don't, but I see now how it is surely fitting.  God knew I needed other guys in my life, so He gave them to me, on His terms!  Even though it wasn't in the way I first thought I wanted or needed, I know that His ideas are so much better than mine!

I am so blessed to have a God that loves me enough to give me the things I need!