Scared Mommy

Having boys keeps me on my toes, and sometimes shaking. Today was one of those days that I have been on my toes and shaking through most of the day.

It started off as a pretty normal morning. We got up, had pancakes for breakfast and I started my daily chores. Then, I decided I'd start putting baby stuff together. I put the stroller and playpen together and started working on the swing.

My boys, being playful, wanted to play with the boxes. Fine with me because they were entertained and having fun! Darien was walking around with the box from the swing on his body when he tripped and fell face first into the ground.

Now, this kid has taken many HARD falls and hits to his head without being phased, so I didn't jump right up. He started to cry a little bit and stayed on the ground. I kept asking if he was alright but next thing I know his eyes are rolling and his tongue was hanging out of his mouth, his arms pulled up to his chest and his body shaking. Drool was coming out of his mouth, he wasn't responding to me at all. It even took him a little bit after this stopped for him to respond. I of course called the ambulance IMMEDIATELY.

They came out and he seemed okay but because I've NEVER seen him do that and he's had MANY falls, hard falls, with hitting his head and never had that happen, I was completely freaked out. This child has had unicorn sized knots on his head and maybe cried for a few minutes and was right back to his normal self. So, yeah, this had me worried.

The ride to the hospital was a little strange. He asked me a couple times where we were and had to wear my sun glasses because his eyes hurt. He just wasn't Darien. He was quiet and seemed really tired. Which of course added so much more worry. Once we got there, they checked him out and said he seemed to be acting pretty good under the circumstances.

The Dr was willing to do a CT if we wanted one though I do hate the risks of them on kids, so we opted for some monitoring and go from there. He checked out fine, no bleeding in his ears, eyes dilating normally, responding to commands and talking again. He was obviously tired, but still managed to stay awake to let the Dr examine him. We stayed there and they kept an eye on him for close to an hour and we were able to come home.

They do think it is probably a mild concussion, but even if they got the scan to see that, there isn't much they can really do about it. It would still be a matter of waiting and seeing how it goes. We were told if he was in any contact sports or physical activity that he shouldn't return to it without being cleared by Peds. Otherwise he was clear to resume normal daily activities and the Dr seemed pretty confident that he'd be okay.

Also, the likely reason that he had that sort of reaction when he's never had before is because of how he hit. Normally when he's fallen he hits the side of his head, around the temple. There is a little more protection in those areas, causing less direct force to the brain. Whereas this time he fell directly on his forehead, giving that direct force right to his brain. Makes sense to me and sounds like a justifiable reason for the episode he had. Didn't make it any less scary though.

Ever since we got home, he's been himself again! Though, every noise that sounded like throwing up or weird thing he did was making me worry. I don't think I've ever watched my child as closely as I have today. I'm still worried. Short of letting him sleep with us (which IS NOT going to happen), I am doing what I can to make sure he's still alright. He's my boy, I need to know that he's going to be fine!

It's scary being a mom. I love it more than anything but man, days like today really show you how much you worry when you are a parent. I don't think it's going to get any easier either. My boys are my life and thinking that anything has happened to them makes me freak. I'm really hoping it's a long while before we have another fall like that.

For now though, he seems just fine! I am sure he is, but any parent out there will understand the worry I feel. When we get up tomorrow, I am going to make us breakfast and take all these boxes OUTSIDE. I'm also going to just love on my boys and make sure they know how much they are loved!

Just moving right along

Well, life just keeps moving right along! We have 2 new family members, as of yesterday. Filip's sister had her twins, a boy and girl!!! Both healthy babies and everyone is doing well!

I'm now on the countdown to having my baby! I say after 9 more weeks this child can come whenever! I do enjoy being pregnant but I find myself being a lot more impatient this time. I love babies, especially my babies, so I am ready for it to be time and to get to hold my little prince!

I love my pregnant belly! I am going to miss it, just as I did after my boys were born, but I do love it! We are still undecided about having more, though the option will be left open for when we get back to the US.

School is going. I am in week 3 this week and so ready for it to be over. I am ready for a break again! I feel much more trapped in the house and unable to have quality family time being in classes. And I would love to enjoy the summer, or what we are getting, with my family.

It's been rainy and cool here. Not much of a summer just yet. I am thankful for that since I am pregnant and I'm not as uncomfortable as I could be in the heat. Though, I know the rain won't last forever, though it is Germany so it might, so I will soon be hot and icky.

Other than that, life is pretty boring around here. Adrien turns 3 in about 2 weeks, so we will have his party. I am also going on a Polish Pottery trip to Poland the weekend after his party! yup, pretty excited about that. Just going with the ladies so it should be a good trip!

Well, back to life I suppose. Hopefully the next update with be a really good one!

Just a few updates

Most people close enough to me know that I have been going to counseling lately. While some counselors have expressed that they believe I could be mildly bipolar, the lady I've been seeing doesn't feel that way. She believes that I am so used to a negative way of thinking that everything that happens is subject to my negative thinking patterns. Meaning, even something that could be viewed with the positive, I only see the negative and dwell on it, making it much worse than it is.

We've decided to go with the cognitive thinking therapy to help change my thinking patterns. There are many different ways of going about it, and I am willing to try them all. Recently, the biggest change is asking myself a list of questions when I start stressing or taking things personally. The questions are way to think through the entire situation and turn it into a positive or to at least prove that it isn't personal to me. This has helped immensely.

It can be difficult at time to remember to go over the questions, but they help. In the heat of the moment, I still have my moments and let things get to me more that I should, but when I get to those questions, it reminds me that I am over reacting and need to take a step back. I've noticed a small change in myself since starting with it and hope it continues to make changes in my habits and thinking patterns.

I am also going to start using "Guided Thinking" to help with sleep. I am going to download some stuff on itunes that should help relax me and also help with the positive thinking. Plus, if it can help me get to sleep, that would help because I wouldn't be as tired and cranky all the time!

So, small steps and small changes but definite improvement! I don't know if anyone else has noticed it, but at least I am feeling better! All I can do is take it one day at a time and pray that God even continues to work in me, making me better each day!

In other news, the hubby will be going to Vegas, lucky him. It's only for a week though, so hoping he doesn't have time for too much fun. Maybe one of these days we will be able to go together, and not on work time. So, a week for the kids and I to hang around and miss him. Thankfully, it is just a week.

I'm 26 weeks pregnant today!!! Only 14 weeks to go! I am starting to get very uncomfortable and feeling like I live in the bathroom again. He's got to stay in there at least another 10 weeks, but after that I'm hoping he won't want to stay in too long. I can't wait to see my baby BOY!!! Oh, and we have chosen a name...

JORDEN LUKAS

I am beyond excited!

Anyway... will post more updates soon!

Another class, added stress

Whelp, that was a much shorter break from school than I intended it to be. I am now getting enrolled in another class to avoid some unnecessary retardedness. Hopefully just one more class and I can be done with this school all together. I've had more stress and frustration dealing with these people than anything in my life.

I submitted my FAFSA form back in December. The financial adviser I had at the time didn't do a very good job of telling me what I needed to turn in, so it took until having a change of financial advisers to get this all done. Now, the new financial adviser has even slacked on giving me some information and it caused for some major confusion. Now, because I want to get my grant money for the 2010-2011 school year, I have to be actively in a class. So, even though I have already taken a full-time students course load for the year, I can't get the grant money unless I take another class. So, here I am trying to get into a class before it's too late. I want that money...

I am extremely frustrated because part of the issues I've had recently are that I had been putting too much on my plate and here I am adding the one thing I was able to cut out. I'm hoping that the next 5 weeks go by quickly and that it's plenty of time to get the grant money to me. Once I get that money and this class is over, I am totally done with this school. When I am ready to start classes again, after the baby is born of course, I will be finding a different school to attend. Just too much stress on me.

Other than that, life is good.

Weekend fun!

There is so much do around here with small kids, though we haven't really taken the time to explore those things. Yabadoo is an indoor play place for kids with like 5 or 6 different "bouncy houses", trampolines (with and without the harnesses), a volcano to climb up, swings and some other stuff for them to do. It's great for kids Darien and Adrien's ages, and even for bigger kids. If I weren't pregnant I'd be out there doing everything with them!

The first time we went was a few weeks ago and they had a blast. We decided to go back this weekend and make a day of it! We were there for about 3 hours and both kids were pouring sweat. Fil was soaking in it too. Honestly, it was quite disgusting. Though, very worth it to see all 3 of my boys having such a great time!

It's a little blurry but you can still see that HUGE smile on his face! I think he went on this thing 5 times, for 5-10 minutes each time. He LOVED it!

And of course, my jumper. He had so much fun just jumping into the balls. Though, this was after he had worn himself down by climbing the volcano and playing on all the other stuff!


Then on Sunday we decided to go to the pool. Well, the boys all decided we'd go to the pool. We weren't there too awful long but I am sure the boys had a pretty great time. Darien is starting to get a lot more comfortable in the water. Adrien is having his "don't let go of me" phase.

Aren't they awesome! Thats what I walked in to see when we were about to head out the door. I love my guys :)

After swimming we decided to come back and grill out at home. We made steak, chicken and shrimp kabobs. This was our first time ever making kabobs, and we don't grill out often, so an all new thing for us. It was fun to make the kabobs with Fil and just spend that time together. Plus, they didn't turn out too bad anyway. The steak was good, chicken was pretty good and the shrimp needed some work. But, it was good and the time we spent together is the best of it all!