Me, It's Who I am!

What kind of stuff do you post to Facebook?  Are you a rare poster, casual poster, o a "let me tell you every detail of my life" poster?  Well, I think I fall closer to that last one.  I post A LOT, and sometimes I post things people may not even want to know.  Know what I say?  Get over it!

Being in the military, I've made friends that are now spread all over the world.  For me, that means a lot of people that I would love to talk to but can't due to time differences or just lives getting too busy for one or the other.  So, the compromise is Facebook in order to keep in touch.  So, I share a lot because it's easier to post things once for everyone to read than to try and talk to so many different people in different parts of the world.

Sometimes I post things that are my opinion or belief.  I don't expect everyone to agree, I only expect some respect for my opinions.  I try my best to respect the opinions of others, so I do think that should be returned to me.  There are times that drama has ensued over something I post.  Most times, I can't exactly help that it happens.  There are many people who feel the need to argue and go back and forth with their opinions.  However, I don't have the intention of creating drama when I post things.  And honestly, I would rather people not comment at all than to have that madness unfold.

I also post some general statements from time to time when something bothers me, or if someone sparks a feeling to do so.  Apparently people feel as if I do this to make direct hits at people.  I don't intend that at all.  A direct hit would involve me calling a person by name.  However, I never do that.  And I would be more likely to go to that person privately than to call them out publicly like that.  But if something happens, I may post a general statement about how I feel about it.  I really can't help if someone feels guilty or takes it personally.  I figure, if that happens, then maybe you should consider why it is you feel that way.  If you think it's about you, when most likely it isn't, but why do you feel guilty?  Maybe it isn't so much about what I posted, it's about what you did to feel guilty about it.

I have no trouble speaking my mind.  And honestly, this gets me in trouble sometimes.  But, its part of who I am, and part of the honesty that I hold dear to me.  Some people don't get it.  Some people think that speaking my mind is drama starting or attention seeking.  And if that is what you wanna label it, then so be it.  I don't see it that way, and let me explain...

If I post about having a bad day, being upset or whatever, I am normally posting because I need to vent.  I need an outlet, and Facebook has been a good one for me.  There are times that I am posting in need of support of my friends and family.  So, if that means I am creating drama or seeking attention, then I guess I will just have to live with that.  Because there are times I won't reach out to a particular person, but I will post in hopes that someone will reach out to me.  And who hasn't needed that at some point in their life?  I just know I do, admit it and am willing to seek it even if I won't directly reach out. 

Plus, me sharing my life with the world is part of my own healing.  I've come a long way in healing the struggles in my life.  And I did that by sharing my life with the public.  By opening up, putting my "dirty laundry" out for everyone to see.  To admit that I have faults and problems, but to show that I am facing them and owning up to them.  To be able to move past that junk and live a better, healthier life.  I don't care who knows my dirty laundry.  Know why?  Because I am a human sinner just like every other person alive, I just have the courage and desire to admit it and get through it, not to hide from it and worry who might judge me.  By writing it, I get it out.  By posting it, I am held accountable for how I continue to live.  That is what I need.

And honestly, life is just full of drama.  The only way to avoid drama all together is to be a hermit.  And I refuse to live that way.  I like people.  I like to be social and share my life with people.  I like to be there for others, to help people and to be part of something outside of my four walls.  So, if I have to deal with some drama in order to have all that, I will.  I don't want to hide from life, I want to live it!  

I've said before... I know who I am, and I love who I am... so if you don't, its okay to admit that.  It's okay to say that you can't handle, or that you don't agree with, the type of person I am.  I know that not everyone is going to like me, and I am okay with that.   I am an open book.  What you see is what you get.  I don't put on a false persona, I don't try to act like something I'm not.  So, you should know pretty quickly if you are going to like me or not.  But for just in case, here is some of who I am:

I am dramatic.  I am sensitive.  I am hormonal.  I am easily hurt.  I am easily angered/frustrated.  I am a woman who over thinks things, worries about everything, thinks the worst in a lot of situations, and tends to over react to the dumbest stuff.

BUT... I am loving, supportive, helpful, I love to be there for others, I want to do good things for people around me, I love to please and take care of people.  I can be your best friend.  I try to do every thing I can for people I care about.  

All of that is just a part of who I am.  It can make for some dramatic stuff at times.  But I am okay with that, and hopefully my friends are too.

Celebrate!!!

So here we are... almost a year since we got back to the U.S. from Germany, and things are going pretty great.  Now, don't let that fool you, we still struggle.  We still have bad days.  We still fight.  And I am not sure about him, but I still have to ask God for the strength and courage to forgive from time to time.

Forgiveness is a process.  One that people don't realize takes so much time and thought to do.  There are times that out of nowhere my mind starts replaying images or words that hurt me.  I know now that those images and thoughts are Satan's doing, trying to undo everything God has worked so hard on in my life.   And, it doesn't matter what I am doing, where I am at, or how hard it is.  I stop and pray.  I ask for God to take the images and thoughts away and to continue to strengthen the forgiveness.

And really, that applies to EVERY situation where I am working on forgiving someone.  I wish it was as easy as saying "I forgive" and it be done, but it's not.  Which, now that I truly understand that, I am able to understand the process of others forgiving me.  But now that we are working on that forgiveness, we no longer hold the past as a way to hurt each other, we have our past as a reason to do better in the future!

In March we will celebrate our 8th anniversary.  And I plan to CELEBRATE it!  We have really worked hard to make it to where we are and we shouldn't take for granted any of it. 

Plus, we will have another reason to celebrate that day!  We will be baptized ON our anniversary.  I've been baptized as an adult, just a couple years ago, though I want this to not be just a statement for the life I want to live as a woman.  I want it to SCREAM my statement of the kind of life I want to live as his wife.  I've had to really grow to get to this point, and I know that it will just be another new beginning in our lives, especially in our marriage!

It has been a crazy 8 years with Filip, but an 8 years that I would never give up. I think we needed our trials to make us closer.  We needed to face those tough struggles to remind us of the important things, and to open our eyes to just how much God loves us.  So, I won't just celebrate the past 8 years, I will celebrate that we have many more years to come!!!