What More Can I Do?

One of the most profound questions I was asked to ask myself, along with thousands of people, was "what more can I do?".  Well, isn't that quite the loaded question?!  What more can I do?  And to be honest, the answer would depend on what area we are talking about...  though, I am feeling extremely led to do more for the homeless and others that do not have the things we are able to afford.

I was recently in a situation that I could have helped someone, and I am ashamed to say that I just walked away.  I did so with a heavy heart and continue to feel guilty over it.  I still feel guilty over it, especially since I happened to throw away the food that could have possibly been his only meal that day, or even in days.  

Though, out of that came the desire to do more.  To not let another opportunity pass by to help someone who doesn't have the luxuries that I do.  To feed someone who might have to skip a few meals when I don't know what that is like.

There are times I've felt like we were struggling.  Wondering how we were going to keep up with our bills and still get to do the fun things we like doing.  I worried that we would have to eat at home every night instead of getting to go out as often as normal.  I worried that I couldn't get that hot item I'd been wanting for a while.  I worried that we were "struggling".

What is sad, though, is that I was worried about not having MORE than what we needed.  I was worried that I had to give up things that I didn't NEED to have.  I worried about the wrong things.  So what if I couldn't buy soda or go out to dinner?  Did I REALLY NEED those things?  

The recent situation that I feel guilt over has opened my eyes to just how incredibly selfish we can be.  There are so many people struggling to find their next meal while I struggle with not buying a new t-shirt or getting to go out to eat.  How incredibly selfish that sounds when I think about it!

So... I have decided to see if I can do a few things differently.  Once we are moved into the new house, we are making some changes to how we do things.  I am putting myself on a 30 challenge...

No sodas or junk food
No eating or ordering out at all
No buying food that isn't required for a determined meal plan

Those things in themselves will be a HUGE challenge for us.  We are so used to just getting the things we want, when we want them, it's basically second nature to us now.  We don't know any different.  So, the fact that I am adding more challenge to that is really going to make this 30 day challenge an interesting task!  But, I will be praying and using this as a fasting to help me build closer to him as well!

The added challenge is going to be:

Any time we feel the urge to do any of the three things listed above, we put the money we would have spent on it into a jar.  At the end of the 30 days, we either donate the money to a soup kitchen or use it to feed/help the homeless in some way.  And based on how often we go out to eat, and how much I guess we spend on those things in a month, I bet we could help a great amount in just those 30 days.  And once we cut out the unnecessary spending, I bet we will realize just how much extra we DO have, even though it doesn't feel like it most of the time.

I don't look at our struggles the same way anymore.  Our bills are always paid, our children are always fed, and we have the necessities required for us to survive.  Heck, we have more than is really required.  We are truly blessed and I want to do more to share our blessings with others who need a good blessing.  Why shouldn't we share?  Now I just want to share even more!!!

So, what more can I do?  Well, the funny thing is I think I am answering the question by asking what can I do less?  I can do more to help others by being less selfish!

What more can YOU do???

Yes! I am one of THOSE people!

Back in 2010, after going through an ectopic pregnancy and almost ending my marriage, a friend reached out to me and told me about this thing called CR.  I was intrigued, but also a little confused.  Celebrate Recovery.  Recovery.  A 12-step program.  Like what alcoholics go to?  Something for drug addicts?  Boy, I felt like you'd have to have some serious issues to need something so involved. 

I spent over two years after being introduced to it, just pondering the questions.  Assuming I didn't "really" need it.  It wasn't until after my world was rocked by learning some things that my husband had been hiding that I honestly thought to be serious about it.

  Even with the questions and the idea that is was more than what I really needed, I gave it a chance anyway.  What could it hurt?  If anything, I would realize how much I really didn't need it and could just stop any time I wanted.  But, what I found, was that I was surely in desperate need of recovery.

Most people do hear about Celebrate Recovery and assume its for severe alcoholic or drug addicts.  They don't see past the word Recovery.  Just like I didn't, at first.

Celebrate Recovery is for ALL people.  If you breath, chances are, you'd benefit from CR.  Every single person has faced some form of hardship in their lives, and we all struggle in some area - at some point.  We all have something in our lives that separates us from God, even if it's something small.  CR is made for EVERY.SINGLE.THING that people face.

Struggle with rejection or self-esteem issues?
Ever been the victim of domestic or sexual abuse/violence?
Struggle with food or eating disorders?
Struggle with anger, depression or anxiety? or any other social/mental disorder?
Struggle with money or material things?
Struggle with your spouse, family or friends (in any way)?
Have you lost a loved one or had your heart broken?
Do you worry more about making others happy than being happy yourself?
Are you living a sexually immoral life (porn, cheating on spouse, sex before marriage, etc)?
Do you live in fear of weird things?

Is there ANYTHING - at all - that seems to weigh on your mind or heart that hinders your relationship with Christ, or hinders your life in any way?  If so, Celebrate Recovery is the place to go to find healing for that!  It may seem small to you, but any issue in our lives is HUGE to our God, and He wants to help us with it.  He doesn't want anything in the way of His relationship with us!

On the Celebrate Recovery webpage, Rick Warren has a message for us.  A small piece of his message reads:

       "The Bible clearly states “all have sinned.” It is my nature to sin, and it is yours too. None of us is untainted. Because of sin, we’ve all hurt ourselves, we’ve all hurt other people, and others have hurt us. This means each of us need repentance and recovery in order to live our lives the way God intended."

That small portion of what he says, really says it all.

The best thing about CR is that it is completely based on the Bible, God's word. 

I've found that when I tell people I attend CR, I get looks or responses that make me feel like I'm being judged.  Also, many who have assumed that I go for alcohol or drug related issues.  Then there are some who admit they have "issues" but then say that those things aren't bad enough for them to go to CR.  Well, like I said, it may seem minor to us, but all of our issues are MAJOR in God's eyes.  Why let any issue, no matter how small it may seem, keep us from having the fullest relationship with Him possible?

I am so very thankful for CR and the healing I've found in my recovery!  I am in recovery multiple things, and have found amazing support and love through my struggles.  I didn't think I was in need of CR.  I thought that my issues were minor and could be dealt with in counseling or just on my own, because they really aren't THAT bad. 

However, I have realized that counseling wouldn't have done me much good. It didn't do me any good, I tried.  I tried medication and every thing else that didn't ever help anything.  It's because I didn't know how to truly work through things, to face them, find and admit my own part in them and then make amends for it, or to forgive others.  CR has taught me how to do all of that. 

Learning how to work through things, facing them, accepting any responsibility that I have and making amends to people I've hurt has honestly made me a different person.  Plus, learning to forgive others has been HUGE!!!  Plus, add that there is a support network of people that understand and can help when things get tough, I can't imagine where I would be without CR!

Really, though... there isn't a person alive who wouldn't benefit from CR.  I pray that word of this program spreads and that people see that this program isn't just for severe issues, it's for every single person, everywhere!  I am okay with being on of "THOSE" people because it has strengthened my relationship with Christ, has allowed me to mend broken relationship from the past, as well as create new relationships that are stronger than relationships of the past! 

Won't you join the amazing healing with us???  For more information, or to locate a group near you, go to the Celebrate Recovery website!

Sinful Living

A topic I've felt very affected by over the last year is willful sin.  Isn't part of being a Christian about wanting to stop living in sin, as much as possible?  If we justify our sin to ourselves, we are letting our flesh win over Christ.  We are being more loyal to the world and our own flesh than to Christ.

Yeah, go ahead and remind me of the judgment rule.  But I am not judging anyone, especially since I have a habit of justifying my own sin and just asking forgiveness for it later.  We all do it, and I feel very led and convicted to do my best to knock that off and to pay more attention to what I am doing and not allow sin to deceive me.  Whether it be the music I listen to, the way I treat others or what I watch on TV.  I am far from perfect in any of these areas, but I have made a lot of changes.  And I hope I continue to make changes as Christ moves me to do so.

James 4:17 says: So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. 

James 3:13 says: If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.

James 1:22-25 says: But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves.  For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.  You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

James 2:14 says: What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don't show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?

I used to believe that I could watch tv or movies, as long as I didn't act out what I was seeing or letting it "affect" me.  I used to believe that I could read certain books but if I didn't let it cause me to sin in a physical manner, I was okay.  I felt the music I listened to wasn't going to affect my heart.  I even felt that the things I say were okay, as long as I asked God to forgive me after having said them.  However, I have recently been very convicted otherwise.  I have to control my eyes, just as I should be controlling my tongue.


Matthew 6:22-23 says: "Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!"

The eyes cause us to sin too.  If we are looking at vile or vulgar things, we are just as sinful as a person who is doing vile or vulgar things.  The worst part of it, we are unaware of how bad it is and that makes it that much worse.  Though, if we are aware and do nothing about it, doesn't that make it even worse than being unaware?

I've realized that when I am watching vile and vulgar things, I have vile and vulgar thoughts.  Whether or not I actually act on them is not the point.  In Matthew 5, it is explained that anger is just as sinful as murder (verse 22) and lust is just as sinful as adultery (verse 28).  So, if I am seeing vile and vulgar things, which cause me to think vile and vulgar thoughts, I am being sinful.  Whether or not I act on them is pointless since my thoughts are already just as bad as the actions.


In Psalm 101, David speaks of how he wants to live.  Verses 2-4 say: I will be careful to live a blameless life - when will you come to help me? I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them. I will reject perverse ideas and stay away from every evil.

This is how I want to live.  I know that I have a lot in my life that I need to change, and I am changing!  I have stopped watching some tv shows I used to watch because of the content.  I have chosen not to read certain books or watch certain movies due to content.  And I continue to feel led to let go of new things all the time. 

I am very thankful for a loving, forgiving Father that will forgive me when I sin.  Though, I am also very thankful for Him giving me the desire to live in as little sin as I can.  I strive to be more like Christ.  I want try hard to live a sinless life, even though I know I will always fail.  I do not want to purposely live a sinful life just because I know He will forgive me, I want to live a life that shows my devotion to my God and His commands! 

Yes, I am well aware I will fail.  I will continue to sin and will never live a completely sinless life.  It is impossible to do so.  I just choose to try harder, sin less and do my best to be more Christ-like each day!

In and Out of Love

I had more thoughts to add to my last blog, though thought they deserved their own spot!

One thing that I have learned over time is that if I ended a relationship every time I thought love was gone... oh wait... I DID do that... 

I was sitting here thinking about the past relationships and trying to see the pattern of "love" and when/how they ended.  I ended relationships only weeks after thinking I "loved" them because that feeling was gone.  And honestly, a lot of times that feeling was probably not love as much as it was lust.  But either way, they ended the moment that feeling was gone.

The few relationships that I can honestly say that real feelings were involved still ended the moment I thought those feelings were gone.  I always thought love was involuntary and that if it was gone then it meant we weren't supposed to be together.  And even though I can admit now that things did happen how they were supposed to, it was a pattern I kept repeating, even into my current marriage.

I married my first husband for what I thought was love.  We were so compatible and I thought I loved him.  But, the problem there was that we allowed our love to be shared with other people rather than keeping it confined to our marriage.  And because we weren't loving each other, I thought my love had faded and I left.  And I soon found myself loving someone else.

Now, because I kept up that same pattern, even my second marriage faced ending too many times.  I would threaten divorce just because I was unhappy with something.  I would withhold my love if he upset me, or when he withheld his love.  And those were the times that I felt like we were in a "loveless" marriage.  And, it was loveless, because we weren't putting love into it.

But if we had ended our relationship, and I continued my pattern, I have to wonder how many relationships I would have been in and out of by now.   And I would still have never learned the true beauty of what real love is and how amazing it feels!

Love isn't always involuntary.  There are times that we really have to make an effort to love, and be very purposeful about it.  There are going to be times that people are just simply unlovable, but we have to choose to love them anyway.  And to love someone isn't just a feeling we have for them, it is the action we take for and to them. 

I have never known love like this before!  God's love is the only thing better than the love in my marriage!  Fil and I do not HAVE to love each other, we CHOOSE to.  Our love isn't something we just feel quietly within our own hearts, it is something we act on and show each other every day!  Our love is more than something that just exists, it is something we built by CHOICE, TOGETHER!

Love is a Choice

Being divorced, I do understand the argument to leave a marriage due to a lack of love.  I left my first marriage partly due to that reason.  I didn't love him the way I should as a wife, at least that was what I told myself.

So, when I felt the same way about my husband, it seemed only sensible to end things.  I mean, marriage can't survive without love, right?  And if I don't love him, why bother?  If I don't love him the way a wife should, then it wouldn't be fair to either of us to keep going in a "loveless" marriage.  

But, after some thought and prayer, we decided to keep fighting for our marriage, no matter what.

Over the last couple of years I have learned a few things.  First, my marriage has definitely been through some "loveless" times.  Second, there were times that the lack of love was one-sided, meaning only one of us was not loving the other.  Third, love is a choice.  Fourth, love is an action.

Now, what I mean by love is a choice but it is also an action is that we have to CHOOSE to love.  When you are choosing to do something, you are taking action!  When we love, we are taking action! 

The "loveless" times in my own marriage were during times action wasn't being taken, when there was no love being shown.  There were times we were both not loving, and there were times it was just one of us.  But either way, we were choosing not to love each other in those times.  We didn't feel like there was love because we were not providing any.  

The day I got married, I really wasn't sure we'd last long.  Honestly, I didn't marry for love.  I married because I was pregnant and was afraid of doing it on my own.  I mean, I thought I loved him, but I didn't marry him thinking that love would last forever.  So, how did we make it to more than 8 years and 5 children?  Well, we CHOOSE to love each other.  And honestly, I thank God every day for allowing me to love such an amazing man!

It is easy to say love is involuntary, and there are times it really can be.  But when you spend years with someone, things can become "normal" and boring.  It can feel like the love is gone because you get caught up in the day to day and stop focusing on the love you had, thinking it would always just be there.  This is where many couples decide to separate because they think they just "grew apart" or "fell out of love".  Though, I argue that they stopped making a choice to love.

If you wake up every day, doing the same thing (or close to), day after day and year after year, it can get boring.  And it is like that in relationships.  Couples really do need to make a choice to keep that love alive, and to keep lighting the fire they felt early on.  Fires only die if we don't feed them, or feed them the wrong thing.  Marriage is the same way.

I choose, daily, to love my husband.  I choose to uphold the vows I took the day I married him.  I choose the action of love.  I choose not to allow the hard times to come between us.  I choose to make each day different than the last.  I choose to be a wife worthy of his love.  I CHOOSE my husband over everything else.  I make these choices even on days I don't really feel like it, because THAT is what REAL love is, a choice.

I choose to love him every day, even when he is unlovable, because that was the promise I made to him and to God when I married him!

What a reTREAT!

What an AWESOME, AWESOME experience!  This was my first ever women's retreat, and I am so very glad that I went!  I can't even begin to describe the blessings that seemed to just pour out, for many, in the less than 24 hours we were together!  How amazing God is!

Eat, Pray, Love.  The lessons we learned about each of those topics were just great!  Our speaker, Stephanie Edge, talked about what each of them meant to our spiritual walk with Christ, and how to fulfill them with His word!  

Just like we eat food to stay alive, we need to be in God's word to be alive.  Though, many fail to truly study the Bible.  I am personally guilty of this, as I had many excuses not to be studying it.  I don't have enough time, I don't know how, and I can't make it interesting were my excuses... and there are others that are regularly used.  

However, learning the reasons we should study the Bible makes it even more important for me to truly begin and to take it seriously.  Technically I am still a new Christian.  I am still just learning and growing.  But, I want to have spiritual maturity and effectiveness someday too.  Plus, as our speaker said, it is also important to be in the word for spiritual warfare, because as Christians, that is a real fight that we are going to face.  Plus, the ultimate goal to feed others.  I can't do that if I do not know what food to offer them!

Prayer, our conversations with God.  This is still new to me as well.  I am learning how to pray, and learning how to effectively communicate with my Lord and Savior.  Part of the message was that prayer transforms our lives.  And I am quite a testimony to that truth.  Since I started becoming more purposeful in my prayer, and focusing on what blessings I already have and what I can do to bless others, I have found a complete change in my attitude and desires.  I do still struggle with being materialistic, but it's shifting, and that is something amazing!  

Lately I have found myself praying in the shower.  It really is one of the few times I am truly alone and able to have that quite time to focus on God.  I am completely vulnerable and feel that in that vulnerability is when I have the most honest intentions in my prayers.  One thing I have noticed is that I don't tend to pray for things for myself, I thank Him and ask that He use me to bless others.  I also tend to pray for people, especially those who have hurt me in some way.  And I have found some great freedom in that.

Love.  The one area that we all know how to do but often hold back from doing.  There are many reasons why people find it hard to show love, though the main one for me is not feeling appreciated.  I struggle with this more than anything.  I honestly love to love people.  I try to pour my love out to others.  But when I do not feel it is appreciated, or wanted, I tend to withdraw and stop showing any love to anyone.  But after this retreat and really discussing this topic, I want to find more ways to pour my love out to others, and not just to people I know, because God would!

One thing we were asked to do was to make a commitment to something new.  I have made the commitment to attend a women's Bible study at church that I signed up for a while ago and have never gone.  I really have had zero good reasons not to go, only excuses.  No more excuses, I WILL be attending!  The other is begin affirmation jars for Darien and Adrien.  They are growing up and need to be told how amazing they are, and we tend to get caught up and not remind them enough.  With affirmation jars, they can always be reminded of how amazing they are and by our words that are permanently written!  

This weekend was really just amazing!  Even the sermon at church was amazing!  God definitely reached out this weekend and has touched my soul in a great way!

God's Love is Why I Share!

I was asked why I share so much about my life.  Well, that isn't exactly a question that has a simple answer.  I've always been a pretty open person, though my avenue and way of sharing has definitely changed.  I don't like to hide who I am, nor do I feel I should.  By sharing all of the good, bad and ugly of my life, and then sharing the lessons I've learned from it all, I feel is part of what I've been called to do.

I am a firm believer that God calls us all to use our experiences and circumstances to help other who may face the same, or similar, in their lives.  I don't think that my past is going to go to waste because it can be shared to show others the dangers of those choices.  It can also be used to show just how amazing God's mercy, grace, and forgiveness truly is!  Why wouldn't I want to share that with the world?

I know at least a few people that believe I should stay quiet about my past.  They think I should fear the way people will think of me when they know things I've done or gone through.  But really, I just don't.  I used to.  I used to worry that if I shared my past with a Christian that I would be condemned by them because of my choices.  I feared that I would never have friends that were truly followers of Christ because they wouldn't understand my history or who I am now.  I honestly thought that the kind of people I needed as influence in my life were completely out of my league.  But what I have found is that any true follower of Christ won't judge my past, and they won't think any less of me because of my less than perfect history.  Because more often than not, they have a less than perfect history too.

I've found that my sharing has led me to some of the greatest women God has ever put in my life.  Through my honesty and openness, I've really formed bonds with the kind women that I only ever imagined having friendships with.  I've formed relationships with true Christ followers who accept me and my past, and encourage my future!  And, my past doesn't matter.  Even to those who haven't ever been through anything like I have, it just doesn't matter.  Why?  Because like Christ, they have love and acceptance of others!

But the biggest and most important reason for me to share is answered by a message I received from someone that read my story and has followed my blog ever since.  I am not sure how she was first introduced to my blog, and I do not ask a lot of questions.  She is someone I can tell just by her writing that she truly struggles with some demons that are similar to my own.  But her message was so encouraging and eye opening that I will never stop sharing my experiences.

A short portion of her email read:  "you have been such a good influence on me. i have finally opened up to someone i trust about things that happened to me. it was so hard but i am so glad i did it. if it wasn't for reading your blogs and seeing how honest you are, i may have never told anyone. and now i feel like i can take more control to keep making changes, because my life is really hard right now"

There was so much more said than that, but that was enough to encourage me to keep going!  I know that my story won't change anyone's life over night, but even that small change in someone's life is a huge victory!  I am so blessed to have my story to share, even if it is ugly in a lot of parts.  I am blessed to have a loving Savior that forgave me and continues to love me no matter what.  I am blessed to have people who support me, accept me, and love me through all of my brokenness!  And I want to share my blessings with the world!  

That, my friends, is why I share the ugliness of my life!  But look past that and see the beauty that is being created now!  Because God is AMAZING!

Dangerous, Inappropriate Relationships

At a very early age, I learned that I got a long better with males than I ever did with females.  Though, in recent years, I have learned it was because they made me feel good and females didn't.  But, until learning that, I held on to relationships with guys, even when I really should have let go.

For so many years I had these relationships with guys, and often kept guy friends, no matter what relationship situation I was in.  Even after marriage, I held on to these relationships and defended them as innocent, simple friendships.  I couldn't understand why my husband was getting so upset that I would talk to these men that I was "just friends" with.  It used to drive me bananas to feel like he was being ridiculous and over thinking something that was nothing.  And I got nothing short of ticked off when he would act like I was doing something wrong.

What was I doing so wrong?  I was just talking to friends about things that I was struggling with.  Trying to get a male perspective on the issues in my marriage.  It was innocent and there was no reason for my husband to act that way.  So, I fully believed he was the one with a problem, not me.

So, how did I come to realize that those relationships WERE harmful?  Well, I started to learn to little by little as some of those friendships began to turn into something else.  But, I still denied it and defended it.  The real wake up call was getting raped by one of those friends.

Some will argue that rape is different, because it wasn't me doing something wrong.  However, it was exactly because I was doing something wrong that allowed the situation to happen at all.  Now, a woman walking down the street and being raped by an unknown man is one thing... but I was raped by a man I called a friend.  Someone I allowed into my most intimate relationship, someone I had an inappropriate relationship with.

I thought that because he was a church-going, Christian man, and because I knew his wife just as well, that we were safe being friends.  Heck, even my husband believed it was safe.  I mean, this one WAS different.  We'd known each other for years, he was a Godly man, he was married, all four of us were close, and with all of that, how could it be wrong that him and I were close?

I would talk to him about my marriage.  He knew the struggles we had gone through in the past.  He knew that I was realizing my sexual addiction and trying to overcome it.  He knew I had an affair before.  He knew alcohol was a weakness.  He knew these intimate details of my life and my marriage that he really shouldn't have known, because I told him since he was a friend.

So, knowing these things about me and my marriage, and knowing I was in a vulnerable state after being without my husband for over a month, he felt that after I had enough to drink, he would help himself.  You can read my story at:

http://t-overthinker.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-am-not-rape-victim-i-am-rape-survivor.html

While I know I still didn't deserve what happened to me, I am fully aware that my own actions led to that event.  What I allowed in my friendships contributed to that event.  By allowing a man that was not my husband to have an intimate friendship with me, I sent signals that made him believe what he did was okay.  I opened a door that I should have closed and locked.  I know that it doesn't matter what I did, no woman deserves that to happen to her, but I am also very aware that it wouldn't have happened had I stopped crossing the boundaries and having and inappropriate friendship with a man that was not my husband.

I am writing about this for a couple reasons.  One is because I see it happen all too often in marriages, and people just don't seem to truly comprehend where their actions could eventually lead them.  And most likely, very few will experience what we did.  Though, the pain and resentments that happen are still just as real.  And I truly hope that my story shows just how far it really can go if you are not careful to watch your boundaries.

Because of what happened to me, I no longer have close friendships with men.  I am friendly, and do have male friends, but I do not have conversations with them about my marriage.  I do not sit and chat with them like I would my girl friends.  I no longer allow myself to have a one-on-one relationship with any man that is not my husband.  We have some couples that we are friends with, but you will never find me close with the male spouse like I was before. And it simply boils down to the fact that it is wrong to do so and has the potential to lead to very dangerous territory.

There is such a fine line that makes a friendship inappropriate that I no longer leave room for any questions.  I feel that if there is room for questions, I am probably already crossing a boundary, and rather than risking it, I just avoid it.  I instead now turn to my CR group or church leadership if I need to discuss my difficulties with my life and marriage.  I rarely even speak to my female friends about it anymore, because I would rather be over cautious than risking allowing Satan back into my marriage!  And if I am watching my actions, ensuring boundaries are not crossed, Satan has very little room to move in and God keeps His place as head of the marriage!  And that has created a much better marriage than I've ever had before!

Spiritual Maturity

The things I am learning about spiritual maturity is that not every person matures at the same rate, plus it may mean different things to different people. While the ideal of maturity is similar across the board, spiritual maturity can be extremely different from person to person. That is one of the most fascinating things about it!

For me, I find that my spiritual maturity this far has shown me boundaries I have to set for myself. Whether it be music, TV shows, movies, etc... I really have to limit what allow in my mind. This maturity has shown me that Christian music is about all I want to listen to anymore. I do have songs I like, and are not bad, that are not Christian songs, but they are not on my normal rotation of music anymore. I just prefer not to have that crack in the door, possibly allowing the bad stuff to creep in.

But there are many who feel that their spiritual maturity is about being able to listen to secular music without many issues. And for those who can listen to it without it affecting their spiritual walk, awesome for them! I don't find myself even drawn to that kind of maturity.  I personally like that the music I choose fills my mind, heart and ears with the Lord through every song! 

Same with TV shows and movies. Now, I am still working on taming my choices. But if you saw the shows I watched 2 years ago compared to now, you would see a HUGE difference. I choose not to fill my mind with the things that put a definite hindrance on my relationship with Christ, which is what I feel shows my maturity.

This also includes other areas, like how we dress, friends we keep, things we spend our time doing and even how you respond to situations.  Everyone may have a different opinion about what makes them spiritually mature in those areas.  It is such an individual definition, and I love how I can be among people who I believe are spiritually maturing and we are all still very different! 

I know that my personal journey requires a much more definitive line drawn in certain areas than other people may require. My struggles are different and the effects of outside influences are different in my life than the next person. And, that is alright. Just because our struggles, journey, and lines drawn are different does not mean one is more mature than the other, it just means that our maturity means something different.

First Testimony Shared!!!

Oh wow!  Talk about amazing healing!  I got to have a new experience for the first time this weekend, and how blessed I was to have that opportunity!  I gave my testimony for the first time ever!!!

I don't like to think my life has been horrible, but I have experienced some pretty horrible things.  I've done horrible things.  I've seen horrible things.  But I can see now that all of those horrible things have led to today, and that isn't at all horrible.

I wanted to share my story for a while now.  I had imagined myself sharing it, and imagined it being a blessing to someone else.  I never realized what a blessing it would be to ME.  But it surely was a blessing, and I really can't even describe how.

I know that getting it out there was part of it.  Just sharing it, knowing that I am no longer "hiding" myself from people.  Knowing that I am finally fully transparent and getting a better look at just how much God really has done in my life.  Those are part of the blessing.  But there is so much more, and I wish I could put it into words.

And, after I was almost embarrassed at the attention it got me.  Everyone telling me how great I was and how inspiring I was for sharing.  I felt like I was receiving the credit, where I truly deserve none.  God is the reason I was up there, God gave me the words, and God has gotten me to this moment.  It is God who did GREAT, and God who is inspiring!!!

Though, there was one compliment I received that touched me more than any others.  I was thanked for being so open and honest.  The person told me that they've always had a knack for being able to feel the honesty, and that they felt like I was one of the most honest people they'd ever heard give a testimony.  That the pure honesty was what moved them, not my words and not my experiences alone, but the honesty of pouring them out.  And truthfully, that is the one statement that meant the most to me.

I do want my story to inspire people, to move them in some way.  I want people to see how amazing God really is and to see His love shine through what He's done in my life.  I was blessed to be able to share it with a great group of people who were extremely supportive and encouraging, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for it next!!!