They grow too fast

Hey there! I know it's been a while since I've posted, so I am getting a couple moments to update now.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind and have definitely gone by WAY too quickly. Jorden is now 6 weeks old and I feel like they just handed him to me yesterday. I love watching my boys grow but I wish it was a little slower.

We are now trying to get Jorden on a schedule. He is breast fed so it's a little more difficult that it was with my other two, mostly, bottle fed babies. He is doing great, though, trying to adjust to this new way of things. He's just a joy and I am loving having a baby again.

Darien and Adrien are adjusting pretty well. Adrien took a little longer to warm up to him but now he is the protective big brother. It's really cute. Though, he's also the one who laughs when Jorden cries, so... I can already tell they are going to have a love/hate relationship with each other. Darien is just so proud of his little brother, it's awesome hearing him brag to everyone about him.

Other than that, like is the same as always. We are trying to get ready for the holidays and all the craziness that will be coming the next couple of months. It's still so hard to believe it's already the end of October. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!!!

3 Weeks later

Well, it's been 3 weeks since I gave birth to my amazing lil man, Jorden. He's such a sweet baby. Only really cries when he's hungry and sleeps the rest of the day. And by day, I mean just the DAY. He's got days and nights mixed up right now so we are trying to work on switching that around. So, dealing with an unhappy baby tonight.

Other than the mixed up nights and days, he's been an absolute joy. I have been mostly breastfeeding him but have used some formula in between to help with his growth spurts. He's grown an inch since birth and gained almost a pound. So, needless to say, he's been a very hungry lil boy.

We had his newborn photos done! They turned out amazingly! I'm very happy with the photos and the experience!

They are super cute. Though, it helps that he is super cute ;)

Now we are just trying to get a schedule down. Having older kids makes it necessary. I'd love to follow advice and feed on demand and allow him to keep me up all night but I have to take care of my other kids too. So, trying for a schedule and hoping he agrees.

The older boys love him. Darien brags about his brother. Adrien is still coming around but he's a lot more helpful than he was. He just wants to help get things, not really have interaction with Jorden. He will get diapers, wipes and other items he just won't play with or really be affectionate with him. But hey, it's better than him being mean or jealous. I will take it!

He's Here, how Jorden entered the world!!!

Wow! What a weekend we've had!!! Jorden finally graced our lives by being born at 3:53am on September 16th! And when they say every pregnancy, labor and child are different, they surely are not joking. I really enjoyed my labor and birthing experience even though nothing went how I would have liked, or hoped for.

Darien was induced 5 days past his due date with no previous signs (other than once at 37 weeks when I took castor oil) of labor other than being slightly dilated. From the start of induction til delivery was about 7 hours total.

Adrien came on his own 3 days past his due date. I was having contractions though I didn't believe that I was in labor because they weren't really painful. My best friend talked me into going in just to be checked out and told I was already 7cm dilated. Yup, talk about being shocked. From the time we arrived at the hospital to delivery was roughly 6 hours, though would have been shorter if I'd skipped the epidural.

I had an epidural with both boys so I really hoped that with this delivery I could skip it and have a quick and natural labor. Well, here is how it all happened...

Thursday was the beginning of the Bazaar that takes place on base 1-2 times a year. It's pretty much like a large flea market, only WAY better :) I wanted to go. Just to get out of the house and do something with the kids, knowing I was running short on time to do things with them, just as the 3 of us.

So I meet up with a friend and we head out there! We walked around and looked at a bunch of stuff and I even bought something Filip had been looking for and we couldn't seem to ever find exactly what he wanted. Anyway, we also got a bit of food, FUNNEL CAKE being of top priority.

After seeing mostly everything, I decided to get a baked potato. Man, was it delicious. But when I sat down to eat I felt a small drop of liquid leaving my body. Nothing that was concerning seeing as how most women, especially me, at 39 weeks pregnant do tend to have drops of urine when they have a full bladder. It happens, so no biggy. I mentioned needing to use the restroom but first finished my tater.

After I eat we decided to walk back to get a bubble gun for the boys. They'd been really good while we were out there and I felt the deserved a reward! But first, I had to pee. I find the restroom and go. Something seemed different this time, though I didn't really think twice about it. Even my pee looked different, though not alarming since I did have 2 sodas while we'd walked and ate. So, I finish my business and head back to my friend and kids.

Pretty much the second I stepped outside of the bathroom, I had a tiny little gush of fluid, though at the time really thought I just didn't empty my bladder enough. I stopped, went to go back to the bathroom to finish and it just kept coming. Yup, it was happening, my water had broke.

I was still unsure though. My water never broke on it's own with the other boys so I really didn't know what it was like. All I know is that I had emptied my bladder and yet I was still peeing all over myself.

I go get my friend and tell her that I need to go, it being around 4 in the afternoon. Told her my water broke and to the vehicles we went. Because she's such an amazing person, she took my kids home with her and also took me to Fil at work. She took my van home and Fil just drove us to the hospital.

The whole car ride nothing more came out, which made me worry that I really had just urinated on myself. So, we arrive to the hospital and I am becoming discouraged. I get out of the car and have another gush. Well, I figured at that point that it must be my water because there is no way I had THAT much pee in my bladder.

We walk up to Labor and Delivery, every step causing more and more liquid to come out. By the time we got there, I was soaked so badly that you could hear the sloshing of the water in my jeans. It was awful and I totally looked like I went swimming in my clothes. And even though it's one of those things, it was quite embarrassing to walk around looking like I was peeing on myself.

So, I check in and they take me to my room. I asked if they were going to verify if it was my water and they looked at my jeans and said they see that it is quite obvious to them. Well, alrighty then :)

They get me all hooked up on the monitors and what not and I am ready to get the party started. Now, all we had to do was wait for those contractions to start. So we wait. And wait. And wait. I had maybe 2 small contractions and nothing else. Around 6 the nurse mentions starting pitocin to get contractions going. Well, I was really hoping to avoid that so I asked to wait a while longer. They agreed but didn't want to wait too long. Then Fil ran home to change clothes and gave me even more reason to wait a little bit on starting the pitocin.

Around 9pm I finally agree to start it. I just wanted to have him. So, they start it around 930pm. The contractions didn't take long to start up but even with the pitocin, if I got up and moved around, the contractions would slow down and stop. This showed that even the medicine wasn't really sending me into real labor. How wonderful.

After about 2 hours of having these powerful contractions that were doing nothing, I gave in and asked for some pain meds. I was still really trying to go with no epidural but asked for pain relief. The gave me fentenol. Amazing. I was slightly, ok more than slightly, high and the pain was gone. I could still feel the contractions but without the painful burn of them.

That lasted about an hour, then the pain was back. Though, I was able to push through for a little bit before asking for more. The second dose didn't take ALL the pain away, but a good chunk of it. So once that one wore off, I asked for more because they were terribly painful. That 3rd shot did nothing for the pain, they were coming so fast and strong that I felt like my stomach was on fire.

She checked me again (when I arrived I was 5cm) and I was STILL only 5cm. At that point, I decided to give in and just get the epidural. I'd endured about as much as I could. I felt like a failure but knew that I just wouldn't make it through that kind of pain without it progressing. If I'd at least dilated more, I would have tried harder but there was no way I could go through hours and hours of those contractions.

So, they get the epidural going pretty quickly. Though, there was a spot on my left side that I could still feel the contractions and the burning sensation in my pelvic area. They pulled the epidural thread out just a cm to give more area and laid me on my side. Once the pain was gone, they checked me again. In that short time, probably about 45 minutes- 1 hour since I was last checked, I jumped to 8cm. FINALLY, progress.

In less than an hour I was fully ready to go. The nurse went to get the dr and we were getting geared up to see our baby boy!!! I did a small test push, which just showed that I was really ready :) Just waiting for the Dr. Once he came in an =d was suited up and ready to go, I started pushing. For all of 13 minutes, as I watched everything in the mirror, I pushed with all my might so that I could finally hold my son.

Yup, 13 minutes and 4 pushes is all it took to get him out! Though, it may have been less pushes had we known for sure if I was having contraction when I pushed. They'd take the monitor off so we were pushing blindly since I had no feeling at the time. But he was finally out, and I was finally holding him.

I didn't fall in love with him right away. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, just wasn't totally in awe immediately. Though, the first feeding, which was within minutes of him being born, is when I looked down and realized that he had just stolen my heart.

I had no tearing, no stitches, nothing other than the normal swelling!!! He was my smallest child, weighing in at 7lbs 2oz and 20 inches long. He's tiny. Especially after having 2 babies over 8lbs, that 1lb sure does make a difference. But, he's extremely handsome anyway.

I can now say that I have 4 guys that my heart belongs to. 4 guys that have to share me and all get to be loved by me!!! The 4 most important guys in my entire world! But that is how guy #4 came in our world to add more love and happiness!!!

Still Waiting

Hello out there! Today I am 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I was really hoping he'd be here by now, but of course he's going to be stubborn and not come out. Today, 9/9, was actually the birth date we were hoping for since our other boys are 11/11 and 7/7. It would have just been neat to have all of our kids with the same month/day birthdays.

I've been on and off feeling really awful. Between back pain, the feeling of being extremely heavy up front and just overall miserably pregnant, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I had them strip my membranes yesterday but it did nothing other than make me uncomfortable for about 30 minutes after.

I still have the on and off contractions, which is really annoying. About the time I think it's getting real and need to call to go in, they stop. Drives me insane. Especially when they keep me up until 4-5am and then stop. It's definitely been a test of patience that I am quickly starting to lose. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I'm miserable and my kids are surely picking up on that and acting like total fools most of the time now. It's tough.

At this point, I've pretty much given up hope that Jorden is going to join us before my due date. I'm even trying to prepare my brain for the possibility of being pregnant past that. It sucks to think about, and I surely don't want to be pregnant that long, but might as well be as mentally prepared for it as I can be.

If it wasn't so uncomfortable at this point, it wouldn't be so bad. But the dr's here won't help with the pain, they won't really help get labor started and just plain won't do anything. If I could at least get something to help with the back pain, I'd be a much happier person. But, I've got 3 weeks or less left, that much I know. I think I might be irritable for the entire time but I can do it :)

I'm still here, and still pregnant

I know, I haven't updated or anything lately. I've been slacking on almost everything lately. I am so happily, yet miserably still pregnant, and so ready for this little boy of mine to grace us with his presence.

style="clear: both; text-align: center;">


I hit 37 weeks yesterday. So, now, any time he decides to come out is perfect for me. The sooner the better. Everything hurts, mostly my back. I've gained about 35lbs and it's all in front of me. That is sure to put a large strain on someones back. Though, my feet and my legs are always sore as well. They just aren't used to the extra load they are carrying around. But I am surviving and I know it will be over very soon! Then I will get to see and hold my little guy :)

I am currently on a break from school. At least til Oct but possibly until after the first of the year. We will see how it all goes. I took a math class as the final class and it was the worst grade so far. Though, I guess a B+ isn't bad, just hoped for more out of myself. Ah well, I passed and that's what matters!

The kids have been CRAZY lately. I think between the baby, being cooped up at home because it's just too much for me to take them many places by myself, and the back n forth weather here, they are really starting to act nuts. Though, not horrible, just acting out in ways. Some days are extremely hard, other days are a breeze. I guess, with being a parent, that is pretty normal in daily life.

Now, we just await the day for Jorden to decide to join us! He's probably in there hearing just how crazy we are and doesn't want to come out, LOL. Well, there is an end in sight. If he doesn't come out on his own, 4 or so weeks is the longest I will be allowed to stay pregnant :) So, at least there is that and I am excited that I know in a month or less I will be holding my baby boy!!!

The next update will probably be after he's born. With pics!

"She probably drinks too"

Imagine watching a very pregnant woman walk to her car, sit down in it and light up a cigarette. What are your immediate thoughts of this person? Probably along the lines of "what on earth is she thinking" or "white trash". At least, that is what I imagine most people would think. I'm sure many people think even worse things.

I know that if I wasn't that woman people have those thoughts about, I'd surely be the one on the other side thinking the same things. Yes, I am a very pregnant smoker. Though, when you read this, I hope you find understanding in my decision to continue smoking.

At the end of February 2006 I found out that I was pregnant. Until this point, I truly started to believe that children just were not in the cards for me. The pregnancy was pretty unexpected, and at the time, I wasn't even sure I wanted to have children. I was smoking close to 2 packs a day at the time. A lot.

I knew that quitting was the best option so I talked to the mid-wife that I saw at my appointments. She was very honest with me and told me that with as much as I smoked it wasn't a good option to quit cold turkey. It would be better to cut back and gradually quit. So, I made a plan. I cut down right away and was sure I didn't smoke more than 3/4 of a pack per day. I did this for the first few weeks. Then, I cut down to 1/2 pack. I eventually got to where I was down to 1-3 at most per day.

Everyone around me still smoked and it was really very hard to not smoke socially. I managed to keep my limits and that brought me to the end of the pregnancy. The doctors all warned me of pre-term labor, low birth weight and other birth defects that were possible due to my smoking. I didn't take the warnings lightly but it was just too hard to quit completely.

My first son was born, by induction, 5 days late at 8lbs 3oz. He was born healthy and happy. We had no health issues other than the normal illnesses and as of today still haven't had anything that could be directly linked to me smoking while pregnant. He's now 4 and is a perfectly healthy, happy, very active little boy!

Then, I get pregnant before he turned 1 with son #2. Since my smoking had increased again since having my first, I made the same kind of plan to cut back. By the end of the pregnancy, I was at the same place I was with the first. Smoking 1-3 a day. There were some days I had more, though rare. I tried very hard to keep it minimal.

In July 2008, I had baby #2. He was 3 days late and 8lbs 3oz. Born just as healthy as his brother and in the early months had about the same illnesses as his brother. Nothing that other babies weren't getting. The only thing I can say could possibly be related to my smoking is that he's had more ear infections than his brother. Though, from what I can tell, even with mother's who didn't smoke, the ear infections are just common among children and some have more than others.

But do you see the similarities? They were both late, both over 8lbs and both born perfectly healthy.

Now. In December 2009 I found out that I was pregnant again. This time, I was determined that I'd quit smoking. So, I decided that since I didn't smoke that much anyway, I'd just quit. Ha. I quit cold turkey and within days I regretted that choice. I lost the baby. While no doctor in their right mind will tell me that it was due to me quitting, I truly believe that it played a part in it. I feel like the quitting put so much stress on my body that it just couldn't handle that and the stress of being pregnant. So, the result was that the baby didn't survive.

When I found out I was pregnant this time, I never even considered the idea of quitting. After having 2 perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies while smoking then losing a baby after deciding to quit, it just didn't make sense to me to quit. I just made the same kind of plan to cut back and go on with things the same way I did with the first two.

Now, I know that when I walk out to smoke or when I am around people who don't understand, I get dirty looks and comments about it. I've heard it all. "It's not right", "it has too many risks" and the most recent "I bet she drinks too". I get that most people won't understand, especially if they don't talk to me, but to assume that because I happen to smoke a couple cigarettes a day that it automatically means I do other harmful things while pregnant is just awful.

I don't expect everyone to agree or understand my decision but hopefully anyone reading this will at least see that I haven't made the decision with total disregard to my child. I'd much rather be able to just give it up and be the large pregnant woman who doesn't do anything potentially harmful to my unborn child but what would you do if you'd had the same results I've had? Honestly?

This just shows that you really shouldn't judge someone based on one action. I eat fairly healthy, or at least try to. I don't drink, I don't load up on lots of sugar and I drink enough water to drown an elephant most days. I try to make sure I do everything else to ensure a very healthy and happy pregnancy and baby. And, so far this pregnancy has been as healthy as can be. The baby was actually measuring bigger than average at 20 weeks, and there's been no reason to believe he will be born anything other than healthy.

If you know me, you know that I am already in love with this child, just as much as I love my other children. I will continue to put up with the comments and looks because I know people just don't understand. Though, instead of assuming that I am this piece of white trash who probably also drinks, look past that and just pray my son is born just as healthy and happy as his brothers were!

We went on a date!

Hubby and I got to have a date last night! Yup, got to go to dinner all by ourselves and enjoy a quiet meal. Well, it wasn't really "quiet" but the noise was not from children. It was fantastic! It's things like dating that remind me why I fell for him, and sometimes we just need those reminders.

Everyday life happens. Kids need us, house needs to be cleaned, laundry needs to get washed and other things just have to get done. Most days, in my house anyway, there just isn't enough time in the day to get it all done. Plus, by the time my husband gets home, I am so exhausted all I want to do is sleep. Then, I remember that I have homework to do. It's just never ending sometimes.

With all the craziness day to day, it's easy to get lost in life and forget the great connection I had to my husband before kids. We get so busy that we forget each other at times and things start to get boring or even difficult between us. I'm sure anyone who has been married can agree that this happens to the best of us too.

Then, we things are getting rough and we both know we just need that break, we do what we can to get it. Asking people to take our kids is where we have the most trouble. Trust me, I love a good break but it's still hard to muscle up courage enough to ask someone to take them. I will do it, it just takes time to finally just blurt it out.

But once we are finally out and able to enjoy each other, it's great. I decided this time to ask some questions, things I may not have known about him, to have conversation that didn't revolve around work or kids. It was pretty interesting. I learned some new things about my husband and it was kinda nice. Not everything I learned was nice but I was able to hear about and see a side I hadn't seen of him. It was nice because it made me feel closer to him in a way that can't be described.

We really should do date nights more often. I'd love to go weekly but I just don't think we could afford it or find someone each week to take the boys. Heck, monthly would be great too. Just having that time with him would be fantastic for us. It helps relax us and really gets us connected to each other through more than our kids and home. I can't wait for our next date!!!

THAT guy!

After reading another blog, I just want to share something :)

Growing up, all I ever wanted was for someone to love me. Now, I know I had family who loved me, but that's not what I mean. I wanted a guy to love me, to accept me and to take care of me. I wanted a guy who would choose me before anything and would be there in way no one ever had been. I wanted to find THAT guy for me.

Well, looking for that guy put me in a lot of bad relationships and with guys who only wanted 1 thing from me. Not that I complained at the time, it was fun. I honestly believed that "giving it up" to these guys would eventually get me that guy who would be what I was looking for.

Ha. I wish I knew then what I know now. All the time I wasted on these guys who thought nothing more of me than another quickie or just another number. It's sad the things I allowed guys to do to me, or ways I let them treat me. And for what?

Well, over the last few years, I've come to realized "for what". I endured all that mess so that when I did finally find THAT guy, I would know it. Though, I found THAT guy a long time ago, it has taken me quite some time to fully see it. How did I miss it when now it seems so obvious?

THAT guy married me 5 years ago. It was less than a year since we'd met and we had just learned that we were pregnant with our son. So see, same old pattern of looking for love, even with him. Anyway, we were married and started our lives together, with a baby growing inside me.

In the 5 years we've been married, we've had 2 kids, 1 coming and 1 pregnancy loss. We've gone through some extremely rough times, even almost ended our marriage a couple of times. We've really gone through a lot together in 5 years. I guess that is what we can expect from marriage and sharing our lives with another person, lots of events and struggles.

Now, with all that we've been through, I look at him and can't imagine my life without him. We've made it through, what I HOPE are some of the toughest things we will have to face as a couple. Though, knowing we can get through what we've been through lets me know that as long as we stay strong and together, we can make it through anything.

Those moments when he kisses me when he just came home from a long day. Or just turns and tells me he loves me for no reason at all, just to let me know he does. The moments that he comes in the kitchen and wraps his arms around me, or just takes over cooking and tells me to go sit down and relax. The moments that he looks at me just to take a look and thinks I didn't see it. Those moments are the moments that help me realize that all of my choices, right or wrong, and all of the things I went through with guys before him are what led me to him. That and God led me to him and obviously put him in my life for a reason.

No, it's hasn't been easy but he's been the 1 and only person (aside from family) that has really 110% stood by me NO MATTER WHAT! Even in those times that he was upset with me, disappointed with me or just plain hurt by me, he still made sure to let me know that he was right there and loved me. That nothing I could do would make him feel any differently. That's REAL love! Now I just hope he feels the same love from me in return.

I finally have THAT guy! and he has my heart :)

The count-down begins!!!

Wow, 31 weeks pregnant ALREADY!!! This pregnancy sure has been going by very quickly, at least it seems so. I know time is about to slow down though, especially since I am getting so close! The end always seems to drag on since that it the most uncomfortable time. Though, I've been feeling really good the last couple weeks so I am still truckin right along!

He's definitely dropped, pretty low too. There is no other time of pregnancy (for me) that makes me pee THIS much, lol. I feel like I might as well just set up shop in the bathroom sometimes, but I love it still!

He isn't as much of a mover as the other two were. He seems pretty calm in there. Though, that probably just means he is going to be even more of a handful than I have already. Or, maybe he will just be a calm and lazy baby, who really knows. Either way, he will get tons of love and I will be ecstatic to have him!

I am counting down though. Once I reach 36 weeks, anything that is safe and could possibly start labor, I am doing it. I am praying that he comes on Sept 9th to keep the birthdays of our kids similar. My boys both have same month/day birthdays so it would be cool if this one did too. So, gotta get the party started and well on its way to help myself reach that goal! Though, God already has his birth date picked out so we will find out what it is when it's time!

I haven't quite reached the point of not wanting to be pregnant anymore, more that I am just ready to meet my handsome little man! I enjoy pregnancy, for the most part, especially when they are moving. So, just seeing him for that first time and cuddling him is what I am wanting more than anything.

So, 5 more weeks of trying to stay pregnant then off to trying to have a baby! I can't wait!!!

Great Parties end with cops :)

Adrien, my little guy, turned 3 this past week. We planned his party for Saturday, July 9th, since the weekend before was the holiday weekend. The party was FANTASTIC!!!

The turnout was amazing, so many friends for him to play with and for me to talk to! And since we did it at the park behind our apartment, the kids got to wear themselves out for a couple hours! By far the best birthday for either of my kids yet! The only things missing were our bestest friends and family who couldn't be here on account the ocean is in their way...

The kids got to play on the water slide, have cake, play with the cool goodies in their bags and eat candy!!! Of course, not until after a hot dog or hamburger first, hehe. Just all around a great time!

Since it was a Saturday and the kids were having so much fun, we hung out for hours. Before we knew it, it was 10pm. Now, I am not normally the parent that likes for my kids to be up that late, especially not outside playing. But, with it being for Adrien's birthday, the fact there were still other kids and parents out there, it just seemed like it would be alright.

Ha. Apparently we were disturbing some people. We had started to clean things up and start bringing everything home when 2 cops walked up. Someone had called in a noise complaint. Wonderful. A few 3-6 year olds playing outside warranted cops getting called.

Now, they were playing and having fun but they really weren't being THAT loud. At least not to me, anyway. There were a few times that one of the kids would scream, though not nearly as loudly as they could have been screaming, because they were playing "Ghost". I just didn't think they were really being all that loud.

Anyway, a report had to be made, including Adrien's name since it was HIS party. How awful is that??? A 3 year old just having a good birthday had to have his name included in a police report. I'm still not sure whether I find it funny or maddening.

I'm upset with the fact that whoever called didn't have enough respect for themselves, us or the kids to come out and simply ask us to keep it down. Chances are, if we'd realized they were disturbing people, we would have just came home right then and called it a night. But instead, someone had to be a prick and jump straight to calling police to come quiet down a handful of toddlers.

Ah well, guess it's a great story for him to have later. That the first party he had cops show up to was his 3rd birthday. It's a great one!